Could you get over being lied to?

My boyfriend of two years has lied to me about the same thing now twice over the last year. He's been lying about who he is hanging out.

Now, I don't interrogate him or grill him everytime I see him, but I do ask (like any normal person I think.) how his day went and such. And a few months ago he left out the fact that he was hanging with a female coworker. His reason for not telling me was "that he didn't want me to worry or get upset". Mind you at one point -- I would indeed worried or got upset -- but I learned to trust that he would never cheat on me so I basically "faked being okay with it, until I made it" and that's what happened. So I got over this one.

The second time was a few weeks ago, he has this other new female coworker who he "feels comfortable around, and they have soo much in common". I thought nothing of that, but then he once again lied to me about hanging out with her. And I found out because she told me. (I remember the day I asked him too, he said he'd gone shopping and had lunch with a different friend.)

Anyways, I'm an anxious person, but I think his excuse for lying to me "so I won't get worried" is incredibly heart breaking. He swears up and down that there's nothing going on between them. I don't want him to stop hanging out with her, I want him to stop lying about it. I don't even feel like seeing him right now, because who knows what else he's lying to me about.

Updates:
16d And he gave the same excuse "Because I didn't want you to worry or get upset".

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What Guys Said 1

  • My ex used to lie about big things so I wouldn't worry or get upset.

    Itll never stop.
    If you can't deal, leave.

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    • 16d

      Is that why you broke up?

    • 16d

      No, sshe broke it off with me.
      I didn't break up with her for it, but it was intensely painful a lot of the times she did it. Had I not been. head over heels for her, Id have gone on the second strike.

What Girls Said 3

  • No. That's not alright. He's purposely trying to deceive you. Even if you were still irrational and jealous, he needs to be open and honest so that you guys can work on it together. You don't help someone with trust/insecurity issues by lying to them. That just proves that they were right to not trust you. You fix trust issues by always having open and honest communication so your partner never has to doubt that you are on the level. Basically just by being a decent and trustworthy person. Which is totally not what he is doing.

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  • I'd break up. But that's just me and I tend to overreact when it comes to such matters.

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  • He's lying for a reason. And no, I personally wouldn't have it. You do what you want to do, but do bear in mind this is very unlikely to change, he will lie about other stuff.
    People don't usually lie for no reason, and it was literally no reason. You just asked how his day was etc.

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