So I met up with this guy for drinks and we ended up doing it. We liked it and decided to hookup again but I'd like to date him and not just have sex. I find him attractive, body wise and personality wise too. Should I just give up on my feelings or is there a way to turn things around? We have been texting for a week but yesterday he seemed very occupied with his band practice for a gig.
Most Helpful Guy
If it's going to happen, it'll just happen. Casual hookups do turn into relationships sometimes, but it's not about manipulating someone into making it happen. I would say that if you guys have fun, then keep going as you're going as these things do sometimes work out, but I would never recommend waiting around for him. If you do that, you're just going to set yourself up for heartbreak and disappointment so have fun with this guy, but keep on the lookout for a real relationship if that's what you want.0
Most Helpful Girl
It CAN be possible to do this... but, first, you have to make a brutally honest judgment of whether it's actually realistic.
See, the problem is, boys usually tend to have lower standards for fucking than for a relationship.
Like, imagine you're on the rebound, and looking to "get over someone by getting under someone else".. think of how yr standards would (probably) be lower than usual, in that case. Well yeah... that's how *most* boys are when it comes to casual hookups/sex, as compared to "girlfriend" standards.
... so, first, you have to make sure you aren't the boy-equivalent of a rebound fuck.
Basically -- two things
1) Are you at least as good-looking as his ex-girlfriends?
This can be hard to judge from an outsider's point of view -- most of us tend to either underestimate or overestimate ourselves most of the time -- but, you'll have to try.
2) Would his buddies accept you?
Guys are MUCH more susceptible than girls to peer pressure when it comes to picking mates.
For instance -- If he liked bigger girls, or girls of a different race, but all of his "bros" would give him endless shit about dating what he really wanted... then he just won't. He would absolutely pick a more "acceptable" girlfriend, over what really gets him going. It's weird af, but, yep that's how it works.
If the answers to #1 and #2 are not BOTH "yes", then, realistically, this isn't going to happen... and you should cut him off and move on.
There's nothing wrong with having a fuck buddy who's just a fuck buddy, of course -- but in this case yr heart is starting to want more, so, you can't force this to fit the mold of a "fuck buddy" rl when it isn't one.
IF the answers to #1 and #2 ARE both yes, then, oh yeah you can totally do this.
Long story made short:
* Be the best lover he's ever had.
Usually this isn't even that hard -- it's about 50% paying attention to what SPECIFICALLY gets him going, and about 50% being a totally selfish lover who makes HIM give YOU everything YOU want.
* Give him 80-90% of what he wants, all the time... but NEVER 100%.
* Start tying together hot sex with the ideas of commitment and relationships... until he can't think of one without thinking of the other.
* Strategically tease him -- and become *good* with dirty/sexy talk -- so that he thinks about you CONSTANTLY.
That's the short version. But first, you need to assess whether this is a realistic possibility to begin with.0