31y/o, Never had a girlfriend but now women starting to show extreme interest in me, problem is that they have too much baggage and issues, help?

All of my life I have never had a girlfriend, it came to the point where I just said screw it and decided to focus on doing things that make me happy, now though in the past couple of years I have noticed women taking interest in me, I have now gone out on dates with them but i just don't know what to do, the women just have too much baggage, many of them seem emotionally scarred literally, I am not exaggerating, from previous relationships or going out with guys that have mistreated them which has left them with issues, another problem is kids, I don't expect at 31 for women to not have any kids, but it's like they are looking for a father for their children, I want a relationship with a woman, I just don't want to be considered a spot to be filled for a father figure, in several instances women were still in communication with their baby daddy's and yes I know that these are the fathers of the children and I can't just tell them to stop seeing them but all of this baggage and scarring is being told to me about how the father is a scumbag etc yet they are still coming around, I feel miserable dating and it's hard, I do enjoy women being interested in me compared to most of my life when I was ignored but I just feel miserable dating women, is this really how dating is? I feel like I am aging and stressing out with all these issues women are telling me about their exes and again I don't expect a virgin woman but my god the issues that women bring up and problems that they have seem like they have just gone through a world war, any advice?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Dude, I'm sorry. But most women by 30 has a lot of baggage. ^^

    All you can do is ignore the ones who do have baggage that they refuse to leave behind. Baggage is no good. You don't need something to hold you down when you don't even know if you can even handle it. Women should not be looking for another father. But that person should want to include another person into their lives if they can't be with the father of that child. It's their problem. They did what they wanted, and it's not the kid's fault, but the parents. You will just have to keep on looking.

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    • 17d

      I understand fully I'm not perfect either but I just have to say it again my god, I felt miserable and depressed listening to women and all of this scarring and the babby daddy's and wanting a father figure, men that have left them by themselves which has hurt them, I just feel like all this weight is being put on me and it's frustrating because I wanted to have a nice relationship, we go on dates have nice times etc, not talking about how the father of her kids is a scumbag or how men abused etc along with a host of other issues like I said it feels like women have gone through a world war, and it's depressing listening to all of this negativity, I haven't exprerienced many of the things that they did when they were teenagers, alright I'm done venting lol, but yeah i will say I do enjoy finally being noticed by women, it's just hard to find a woman who hasn't been scarred or used and abused you know.

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    • 17d

      oh ok. i m fine with any so. all good.

    • 16d

      Ya, not uncommon for guys

What Girls Said 9

  • Well, you're obviously attracting the wrong kind of crowd! But that's not necessarily a bad thing either! I mean, let's be honest here, thirty is the age in life where most midlife crisis' happen! Also, you said that you took the time to just break away and forget about women and just focus on your own happiness! Being independent and happy like that is actually very attractive. People are attracted to people with a peaceful self. Basically, you see someone who's happy with themselves and you want a piece of that. It's completely normal and in our instincts to act like that. And these women are going through a lot, and they see you as a sort of beacon of happiness and the perfect solution for them. Because what they think they need right now is someone who loves them, a fatherly figure for their kids, and simply someone to lean on. It's a lot to deal with! And most people don't want to have all of that burden placed on them. And it's sort of a cycle, because people are coming and going out of those women's lives rapidly and so they're getting more and more desperate for someone. You're getting caught up in all of this drama. My advice is to give yourself a break from dating to sort of regenerate and feel good again, then instead of trying to date the women who like you, YOU try to date someone that YOU like! Don't just let those people drag you into their drama inked you truly like them and truly care about them. At this point, it'll be hard to find a woman who's unburdened, so my advice would be to find someone that isn't looking to burden you, who seems to genuinely like you, and who you genuinely like right back! It'll be hard and take a while, but it'll be worth it in the end! I hope this was helpful :)

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  • maybe you should stay away from single moms and date a bit younger
    ... or live in a big city?

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  • Everyone has baggage. You just need to find someone who has baggage you don't mind too much.

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  • The right woman for you, you will feel comfortable with her and know what she wants and you want the same. The right one will come a long, just make sure she isn't divorced because that carries more baggage than a child, I am sorry to say. The right one and you will compliment each other and you won't be worried about kids or not.

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  • Go out w someone a little younger that has no baggage.

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  • U just haven't meet the right one! Trying to find that one! be patient!

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  • date a younger girl then

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  • Someone tag @cth96190

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    • 16d

      You tag him OP or send him an invite to yr question.

  • I guess u can probably date younger women or women without children.

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What Guys Said 13

  • As you get older, so are the people you date. Yes, they are more likely to have baggage. That doesn't mean all, just more likely. They are more likely to have kids. Or to be divorced.

    There will be a lot of broken women out there. Those women are also dealing with a lot of broken men. Geez, just look around GaG. But there should still be plenty of unbroken men and women both. If you've been dating more, it should be come easier for you, which in turn should give you more choices.

    It sounds like you already accept some of these things. Just have patience and keep looking. There will be plenty out there. You just have to find them.

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  • that is the Crappy part about that age. Women with kids seem to skip to whole "do we work together" and just do the "HEY, I got kids. They come first and you need to know them".
    Heck, that's what they write on their online dating profiles.

    You'll have to find one with the least amount of baggage.

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  • Many women that don't get married before their thirties are like that because they either had a bad expirience with their ex or they were extra focused on their careers.
    Women your age always have baggage. In face we all do, the diference is that with time it kinda starts accumulating so it becomes bigger.

    If you see too much of a problem dating a woman who had a bad previous expirience (not counting single mothers because you already said children are a no-no), then just go for younger women.

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  • If you just turned over 29 and women are just *now* starting to go after you, that's a bad sign anyway. Means they're ready to settle down with a guy they aren't really attracted to but know he'll treat them right. Not a good road.

    I suggest doing three things:

    1.) Get in shape, get a new wardrobe, improve your hygiene etc. Just improve your look.

    2.) Look for girls in new places. Get a clean slate.

    3.) Hunt.

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  • Step away from those single moms. They are finding interest on you as an insurance. They need as what you said fill up their gap. Besides I know the struggle. I'm 29 and I'm a life time single. So I know the struggle very well.

    Try to find out little bit of young woman. There are single women who has no kids out there. You just need to find out who is who. It's hard, really hard I know that. But that's the reality we face. As we are ageing the process gets longer and longer. Will have to have little bit of patience on this game.

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  • You are being offered the leftovers.
    You need to have your fun or get married to somebody decent by 25.
    Else this is what you will be left with.

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  • Yeah best to avoid dude.

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  • Baggage seems to increase proportionately with age. Perhaps date someone younger?

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  • The answer is simple: date younger women.

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  • Ya Im close to ending up like you

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    • 7d

      I feel that way too at times

  • You recognize the baggage and are worried about it. That's good, a lot of guys in your position would dive right in and get screwed over horribly.

    Most of these women are out to use you in some way (even if they're not consciously aware of it). My advice is to use them right back. Enjoy their company but never commit seriously, don't give them money, etc... Hopefully in some time you'll get better with women and one with less baggage and with good intentions comes along and you can go after her.

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  • What you describe is now typical behavior.

    1. Mos women in their teens and up to 27. Have fun. ONS. Fuck Chad. Want the hold out and won't settle for anything short of hot guy. This is why there is such an imbalance in college where some guys have fucked over 200 women while others come out as virgins.

    2. By mid 20's when they have to work and the access to men they had in college decreases significantly and now start looking for something serious. Also you'll notice the loss of their youthful glow they had in their teens and early 20's.

    3. By age 27 a lot of them start becoming less fun, desperation starts kicking in to find a husband for serious relationship. This happens because women are constantly comparing their lives to other people, and when they are still single they feel like their being left behind. At this point standards start dropping. Girls who would never given a guy under 6'0 a chance all of a sudden now want to give him a chance and they think it's because their mature and grown up. This couldn't be farther from the truth. They are just picking these because they want someone who will commit to them and be their placeholder Husband/BF; you aren't the ideal guy she wants to marry.

    3. Over age 30. Many women in early 30's still looking for that husband. By age 30 a woman has lost 90% of her eggs so she is basically compromised on reproduction. The eggs she has left aren't that good either and birth defects start going up each year. Pressure kicks in to rush down for a husband even more. They start going for guys that they would not even have a though about when they were prime 20 year old women with tons of suitors.

    By age 35 and onward most women's looks start going down the shitter fast.

    Why you as a man shouldn't take these women serious.

    1. They don't truly love you. They are settling for you to fulfill the needs they have in their head. Marriage/kids/stable life. They will always remember Chad who they fucked in college and have true feeling for him.

    2. They come with emotional/mental baggage and many sexual hang up/stupid rules.

    3. Studies have shown that a woman who has had 3 or more sexual partners has had at least 1 STD in her life. Herpes incident go up as we age. An older woman is likely to pass an STD onto you.

    3. She likely can cheat on you and divorce rape you.

    4. Sexual attraction is what keeps sex life alive. If she doesn't fancy you physically then sex will be given out as a doggy treat for good behavior.

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    • 17d

      5. Your not going to have a genuine relationship with them. For every failed relationship or attempt at one a woman's ability to love goes down for the next guy, she becomes more guarded. A woman over 30 is more than likely going to be more jaded about love/sex than one in her early 20's. This means the relationship is treated more like a business relationship than a romantic one. Also these bitches try to rush things down into serious relationship because they are on a clock to get to the aisle so all the fun stuff and carefree times in relationship is rushed down.

    • 17d

      Oh wow what a description of woman in ages ha... :-)

  • Yup it's the age they are, you may need to date much younger

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