He's such a great guy, but I'm not attracted to him - Am I being shallow?

So I met this guy a few weeks ago. I was at a wedding and we were at the same table. We ended up talking all night and he ended up asking me out. And I said yes.

So after going on the first date I found out that he's a really great guy! Super nice, a gentleman, funny, easy to talk to and treats me like gold! He took me out to a nice place too, which I appreciated. I really enjoyed his company! But nearing the end of the night I was imagining myself kissing him, or having any kind of passionate moment with him and I just didn't feel excited! I just totally didn't get excited at the possibility. I wasn't grossed out at the thought, just meh.

Now to clarify a few things. First, He's not ugly at all. He's good looking! I'm sure lots of girls would be super into him. Second, I am not in any way unattracted to him because he's a nice guy lol. I do not like bad boys at all, and am way more attracted to nice guys by far. So that's not the reason.

But it the thing is, I know what it feels like to have huge electrifying chemistry with someone. My last LDR boyfriend of 2 years gave me no doubts on my physical attraction to him.

So am I being shallow? I honestly don't get why I'm not into him that way and it feels like I could be missing a blessing. Technically he's what I'm looking for. But he just doesn't make me feel attracted.

Am I being shallow here?


0|0
5|13

Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi, many women pick a guy that they know will provide a very good living for them. They can even convince themselves very happy with that person and they can have a nice life. However, they will always miss that electrifying sex when they are with someone that just sets them on fire and lights them up. If you were to go with him you might be OK but she might be tempted to have someone side as well which usually ends up being a very hard thing to deal with. Everyone is different so there is no way you can know until you just go through it and experience it. He sounds like a really good guy please try not to break his heart I've had mine broken way way too many times and it is destroying me

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ignore anyone who tells you "how you should feel," in relation to someone else. That's a red flag right there. The only way you should feel about this, is exactly how you're feeling right now. As you've outlined, it has nothing to do with wanting a bad boy or having something against good guys, but attraction can't be faked or forced. You can't make yourself like someone FOR WHATEVER REASON you're not into them. I would say though, if you truly feel there is nothing else there, don't waste his time. Let that good guy find someone who is into him instead of trying to force yourself to be.

    1|0
    0|1
    • 12d

      so are "feelings" a truth guide? not at all. they are deceptive and changeable.

    • Show All
    • 12d

      i could explain but you wouldn't understand. feelings and desires are transformable. they also depend on the person's current spiritual condition. and there are also "forced feelings" from external sources even though you think they are just "yours"... .

    • 11d

      @supernerd99 you can of course say all those things, but again, if the person in the situation is not at the time feeling the feelings 'you think' they can feel, it doesn't matter. You still cannot make them feel what you want in order to suit your own needs if they don't ascribe to that or can't feel those feelings. Also if we ascribe to your theory, none of what anyone feels can ever be real without external influence, which is ridiculous.

What Guys Said 12

  • Not shallow, your feelings are important. Still if you enjoyed the conversation you could go on another date with him. Your feelings might change when you know him a bit better. You never can tell, if he kisses you it might be magic.

    1|0
    0|0
  • its not shallow at all. if there is no physical attraction it could never work out anyway so i think you are just being sensible

    1|1
    0|0
  • I like the look of the Remington 700 but the savage model 10 comes with more options at a better price and is just as accurate if not more, it comes with a fluted barrel and a oversized charging handle as well as a accu stock and accu trigger, all options I would have to spend way more on to obtain for the name brand and better looking Remington.

    Those are really the extent of my problems at the moment but I did buy the savage and I'm very happy with it especially after adding the new muzzle break.

    0|1
    0|0
  • You aren't being shallow, but I think you might be overreacting, or at the very least thinking about it too much, too early. I have gone on dates with people in the past who I found incredibly attractive but didn't really feel much chemistry with them at the end of the night, but the interest was still there, so I've given it another date or two with them, and it actually developed. Likewise I've also met people where there was extreme sexual chemistry and things got hot very fast, like making out in the car, stopping yourself before you go further on a first date fast. But upon dating them again, it was "Meh". I say give it another shot. Sometimes you're just off on first dates because of various things, nerves, surprise, etc. P. S. if that's you in the picture, no wonder the guy asked you out. You're stunning.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 12d

      Yeah I'm going out with him again just to be sure haha Can't write him completely off after 1 date. So we'll see.

      Haha yes it is my photo, and thank you! :)

    • 12d

      I would say, three dates tops to see how things develop. It usually takes that long for real intimacy to develop, if there is none after that point, I'd part ways and just explain that you had a good time getting to know him but you just don't see the relationship progressing. Because four dates and onward is beginning signal there's "Something" there. If he's as great as you say, he'll understand.

  • Not shallow at all. Like you said : lack of chemistry. And there's nothing you can do about it. It's because of your brain, and it means it's beyond of your will. So don't blame yourself.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ya you are.

    0|0
    1|0
  • Nah, unless your feelings change, no point in going forward with it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Umm... I don't understand why you think that way even though you think he's such a good guy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, you are fine. Girls can be shallow.
    Just don't get upset when guys use you and leave you.
    Karma.

    0|0
    1|0
  • no. you are just a woman. a product of evolution. you want alpha stallions to procreate with and beta providers to take care of the powerful offspring.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 12d

      simple laws of nature.

    • 12d

      also attraction depends on your childhood archetypes, your personal idiosyncrancy, brain wiring, the season of your life u r at etc.

  • You are acting like most women... if they guy has a bunch of great qualities, you are unattracted to him. If he was a royal dickhead, you would be wetting yourself for him. So typical.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ladies and gentlemen, typical reason why nice guys finish last.

    0|1
    2|0

What Girls Said 4

  • Nope, you can't really help it.
    I made the mistake of dating a guy like this, and I would advise against it on all levels.

    2|0
    0|1
  • I will tell you this. I started talking to a guy at first I ran to one of my good friends and said, I like this guy a lot but he doesn't look like or is like any of the other guys I have dated. We talked about it and I agreed that is a good thing! The other guys I dated, if they were so great, where are they now? Do not just push off a guy because he is too nice, you might not be feeling that I want to kiss him right now because you are so interested in him as a person and his heart and you are so used to having lust be the reason you are with someone coupled with a little bit of liking who they are as a person. True story. I hope you give him a chance, I did and I started feeling for that guy more than any other guy and he honestly became the most attractive guy to me, and he wasn't bad looking either, I just had to get used to realizing caring for a person's heart more than lust and how different it was. Turned out it was more wonderful than the other way.

    0|1
    1|0
  • Nope you're not shallow, if you're not attracted to him it's better not to date him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I've met plenty of guys that are even cute, treated me really well and had no reason to not be attracted to them, but you can't help the chemistry you just can't and you like what you like. Why make yourself feel bad? You just aren't a match... Nothing wrong with it :)

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...