Can't find a man and have given up, so I just find mildly satisfying casual situations. Am I wrong?

So I'm a social, kind, objectively pretty and used to attention. I am well groomed, easy going and not dramatic at all. I meet nice guys, always have. Men have treated me well but still, no man has actually committed to me. They haven't used me, they date and only go as far as I feel comfortable with but eventually when I make it clear that I'm looking for something real, guys don't usually commit. I just feel like I am too old now and will not meet a guy I like who wants the same thing as me, a relationship. Most of my friends are in relationships and settling down while I'm very single.

I used to be selective so that I invested my time well and did not waste it on someone while I could be meeting a guy who could be the real thing. But I now give up so I take part in more casual things and have perhaps settled for less since I feel like it will never happen anymore. I also think I'm tired of the emotional turmoil and effort when I truly like someone and am disappointed. Is it ok to do that? How else can I try to be ok with never finding that one thing?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Welcome to your generation. It seems like a bad trade to me. I am happy. I imagine it will become an empty life as you age. Seems bleak.

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    • 13d

      Yeh it is very... i was always told I was born in the wrong time, especially as a late bloomer. Still many people find love, even today... I'm just not one of them unfortunately

    • 13d

      Try a cowboy/country type or a religious man.

    • 13d

      Haha no cowboys here and I'm more of an urban girl. I have been with religious types, maybe I'll try one more religious.. although I'm not too religious myself

  • I'm should be the last person who should answer this, but here we go. You tried hard, now take a break and go slow on things. I heard that works sometimes.

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    • 13d

      Such few words can do a lot, you're so sympathetic. Have you ever done that?

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    • 13d

      How about online? Well I was in your situation till 3 months ago when suddenly many men take interest and I too am not acting as serious (not with them at least). Im in italy so the men here are great fun but not for something longterm mostly. Its why I just give up trying too. You sound like a stable guy! Many girls would want someone like you:). Go out on the weekends more, take more chances?

    • 13d

      Well, online dating won't work here in my country. Those who are willing to be in a long term relationships are not in those dating sites. I'm seeking definitely a long term relationship. I'm not into short term ones.

      And don't have a clue where should I go out. Pubs and sports not working for me. I'm a non-drinker and not into sports. I have hobbies such as railway enthusiasm which are not interested by girls and considered as boring hobbies. I'm feeling totally lost.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think it's probably the type of guys you're going for. I tend to have the same problem. Are u going for the hot guy who have a dozen girls he can choose from? Are u putting out before mentioning that you're actually looking for a relationship? Are u actually trying to get to know the guy for who he is before u tell yourself that u like him? Do u like a guy based on how he look or how he actually treats YOU? I just think you're probably going for the really good looking guys or the ones who are not ready to settle down. And I'm not saying you should date unattractive guys either. If you feel the issue might have to do with something with you, then just reflect on all the guy u dated. Do u notice a pattern? Do u notice what u could be doing wrong? Maybe it's all their fault but maybe it's something you do to kinda contribute to it, maybe & no it does not make u a bad person or undeserving of finding true love. Could just mean its something u can work on improving. I also believe that u should NOT have to settle for less than what you GENUINELY want. I believe that you will find the right guy for you and he will feel that you're the right girl for him & you guys will both have a healthy & happy relationship and not a "situationship".

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    • 13d

      Yup done all that introspection. I do go for good looking men but they also pursue me the most and we develop something just not enough. I always waited to have sex, mainly because I knew I would find t harder to let go if they decided an out so this way it was easier for me. I am generally the kind of girl who is clearly not easy going about casual things. So I don't know anymore. Thank you for your kind wishes though and I hope the same for you :)

    • 13d

      You're welcome & thanks! I truly appreciate it🙂 Don't give up. If anything take a little break from dating.

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