How much space is okay in a relationship?

I've been with my boyfriend for a bit over a year and I think we just sort off got out of our "honeymoon phrase".“ We've always spent a lot of time together (at least 4 nights a week) and he's always needed more space for himself than I did. Lately we can both see that we're not as honeymoon-ey anymore, we get annoyed with each other easier, just being together and not doing anything is not as fun anymore and we just don't have as much need to be together 24/7 anymore. I can especially notice it with him, and he's said so himself, that we need to spend less time together because otherwise we start getting on each others nerves. I meanwhile still prefer to spend time with him rather than alone/someone else, although often I feel less "fulfilled" after spending the entire day with him, so I think I could use some space as well, even if I don't feel like I want it. We still have a lot of good days and very nice moments, it's just u know... less sort of intense? I tell myself thats supposed to be a normal thing and that all relationships have highs and lows, but it's my first long term relationship so I need some reassurance how much of it is normal? Because there's still some logic in my head that if you're in love with someone you would want to spend all your time with them? And I'm worried at what time is it "too much space" and we start growing apart?


0|1
6|9

What Guys Said 9

  • You should be happy about this! I know that may come off as weird, but hear me out. You've just entered the power struggle phase of a relationship and it's probably the most important stage and really tests out the relationship, pass this stage and you two are most likely going to stay together for a very very long time. You've just now entered what a real relationship looks like, the honeymoon phase is mostly chemicals messing with your head.
    You two need to communicate more and about actual real problems, the core issues and address them before they grow into something uglier like they're starting to. You should always know what the problem is, why it's a problem, and how it makes the other person feel. You need to understand that you're both individuals and your expectations for a perfect relationship are not going to always match up and that's okay as long as you perceive it as okay. You can't change core values or personality traits so all you can do is change your perception of the situation since that's what you can control. Your number one priority is keeping the relationship alive so when something does pop up that bothers you you need to speak up.
    So yea best advice I can give you is to research proper communication skills in relationships and the 5 stages of relationships. Best of luck to you both!

    0|0
    0|0
  • The pressures of modern life, and the options open to us now, mean that we tend much more than in previous days to grow apart, physically and psychologically.

    Add globalization to this mix and you can see why people have difficulty committing to an exclusive relationship when as you as you.. assuming our boyfriend is about the same age.

    Yes it's normal to drift apart somewhat. It doesn't mean you will break up as a couple, necessarily, but you have to adapt to this distancing if you want to stay more than friends...

    It's a lot more difficult for people to stay together than it was when we tended to live our lives in the same community where we were born and raised, that's for sure.

    0|0
    0|0
  • How are you communicating? Were things great before and now you don't talk as much.

    It could also be that you are now both starting to show the "real" you to the other person. Most relationships start off by doing anything to get the other person to like you. The problem is that you end up falling for someone that isn't real and who knows if you will like that real person.

    Also look at how you are fighting. Do you say things you wish you could take back after the fight is over. Those comments stay with people longer than you think and can create distance between people.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Whether you love someone or not, you can spend too much time together. The saying is "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and I think it's true. How you guys are giving each other space is great, but you do need to communicate on what you both want to do (stay together and make it work, or go separate ways), get together and talk about it before one person decides to leave, and the other person would end up broken hearted and blind sided. Trust me, it hurts, I've been through it. Good luck

    0|0
    0|0
    • 13d

      he says he still wants to be with me, i just dont know how to act/feel bc its the first that things would "cool off" a little bit... but I guess thats normal after a year?

    • Show All
    • 13d

      ish haha

    • 13d

      Try paddle boarding, rock climbing, going on a romantic cruise, sports games, go to the beach. I don't know much about you guys or the area you live, so I'm just throwing things out there

  • as much as I hate to be pessimistic but it sounds like your relationship isn't gonna last. you guys only been together for over a year and already you guys putting boundaries on each other, this doesn't sound healthy

    2|0
    1|0
  • Big post. didn't read it fully. Anyways. Space must be adequate so each one doesn't feel pressure from the other BUT still limited so noone feels that the other doesn't care. Example. I dont mind if my girl goes "girls out" or whatever but never call her ask where she's going. I dont want to restrict her but still i want her to see that i dont want her to be unchecked or out of control so she may think i dont care.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think it varies depending on the people in the relationship. I mean you could have 2 very busy individuals dating each other and they may need a lot of space

    0|0
    0|0
  • "How much space is okay in a relationship?"
    Outerspace

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's something the couple has to decide alone

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 6

  • Relationships have ups and downs and if its not worth working for its not worth having. So i think this is pretty normal. Like anything else, relationships need balance and tha logic that tells you that you would want to spend all of your time with the other person isn't logic, thats some ideal about movie screen love thats been placed in your head. Balance to me means not only do you have your relationship, you have other things in your life... work, friends, personal goals and aspirations.

    1|0
    0|0
  • No such thing as 'too much space'. Healthy relationships have space. Unhealthy relationships, however, have too much clinginess 24/7. Again, if you're in love with him, then you don't love him. Your in love with what he has and provides. That is not good. You have to learn to love him for who he is and as a person. Mature relationships work's at the pace it's in. It's normal with what is going on. As long as you two are still communicating to each other, then it's alright. Don't worry. Or else your insecurities will cause serious problems with your relationship. Then you'll have something to worry about. Never make a mountain out of a mole. Plus you learn to discover more things about yourselves and each other. Once you two go back to spending time, you'll be happy that you did. Boundaries are a must for relationships regardless if its family, friends, dating partners, spouses, coworkers, etc.

    0|0
    0|0
  • hi, well this is all perfectly normal as such for some not for others but the question really is how much is ok for you? not even about him? as for the honeymoon period, this is an interesting one for me, chemically its about what we produce then it gradually fades out in its production leaving two people at a point without lets say the rose coloured glasses to go on together or not. if almost straight away at this point you are both feeling issues, how does that make you feel? do you doubt his feelings towards you? for me if you are feeling like this is an uncomfortable disturbance then trust your instincts and be brave enough to challenge him about this if its not really what you want. you are young and are quite entitled to be with someone who wants to be with you and spend their time with you and if he doesn't then perhaps he doesn't deserve you and you need to be clear about how you feel and not go on wasting any time xx

    0|0
    0|0
  • get a hobby because be prepared to break up.

    0|0
    2|0
  • It happens, I say definitely give each other space and just have fun with friends or do other hobbies when he's not around.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I am going through the same thing with my boyfriend, we saw each other everyday when we started dating in the summer. Now it's been 6 1/2 months I think we both like to have our space to do things, but I'm like you and I like to see him often as well. I think this is definitely normal, but I think sometimes we can get insecure (especially for girls) going from seeing each other so often then seeing each other a little less. You just need to make sure to communicate with how you feel

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...