My boyfriend has this female co-worker, who I have grown to feel uncomfortable with.
A few weeks ago, I met her while at his work (he works at a bar.) and we had drinks together. I wasn't sure of my impression of her then. At the time she seemed like a nice person. Then a week or so later, my boyfriend lied about who he was hanging out with one afternoon -- her. He thought that it wasn't relevant to tell me who he was hanging out with. To me, because he kept that information casually out, that he was hiding something from me. So it's been about two weeks since then, and my comfort level with him has dropped significantly.
I've told him to just be honest with me about who he is hanging out with -- but honestly, thats not helping me either. Anytime he mentions her, or her name pops up on his phone, or even when she likes something of his on facebook, I get insecure and I get really sad.
She's asked me to hang out a few times one on one -- but honestly, I don't want to.
My boyfriend says, "just trust me, trust that there is nothing going on between us, and trust that I would get myself out if she tried something" still though, that first lie is all I can think of. We haven't had any heated arguments about the topic either -- but it's been the number one discussion between us for the last few weeks. As of right now, It feels like its ruining our relationship. I hardly feel like seeing him, or hardly have the urge to kiss or hug him.
How can I deal with this female friend appropriately? I don't want to be THAT girlfriend who tells her boyfriend to not see his female friends.
Most Helpful Guy
I don't think he lied to you, he just left it out because he felt it was irrelevant, just as you said. It is not necessary that he has to mention the name of everybody he is going to hang out with every time he is going out. That's what mothers ask when you are living in your parents house at a young age.
I feel like you are making it a bigger deal than it actually is, he has even tried reassuring you of how feels about you. The best way to deal with the your boyfriends female friend is to go out and meet up with this girlfriend. It doesn't help that you rejected her invitation to hang out. Go ahead and get to know her, who knows you might end up being good friends with her.2
Most Helpful Girl
Actually, you feel very jealous of her, and you feel that your boyfriend is going to leave you for somebody like her, so your not sure what to think right now. And him lying to you about who he was talking to was very clear that you started to feel mistrust about him. Here's the thing, if you can't learn to respect who he associates with, then it's best that you do not remain in that relationship. There is no point in you being involved with a person you don't trust. You can say how you don't want him around her, but it's his choice. What do his actions say about him and how he is treating you? That is what you have to look at. But if you don't say anything, then how is he going to know? If your too afraid of conflict then this relationship is not for you.2
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