Is this just an excuse and he wasn't attracted?

I was dating a guy who I liked from my gym. I noticed he would check me out but never approach and I guessed he was shy then we both matched online and we went out four times (never slept together, just kissing). Before we went on the first date I told him I was moving up north because of work (an hours flight away) so he knew this upfront. He is pretty much everything I'd look for in a guy, and I was gutted I'd need to leave. He was super keen leading up to every date and at the end of the last date asked if he can see me again which I agreed to and he seemed so pleased. We made plans to go out again the next Saturday as he was busy at the weekend and I tried to give him space so I didn't appear clingy and then got in touch with him after that and he was fine, his usual self but then he became distant and didn't talk to me in the couple of days leading up to the next date then texts me saying he doesn't think we should go out again since he doesn't see it going anywhere as I'm moving up north in 2 months.. Obviously I was gutted and kinda saw it coming because he was distant and I just replied saying no worries, thanks for the honesty to save face...

Basically if I really liked a guy I'd want to continue seeing him especially since the distance isn't even that dramatic, one of us could relocate eventually if it worked out and he knew it wasn't necessarily permanent. Or at least enjoy the time I have left here. I don't know if me giving him space at the weekend made him think he was just one of many guys I was seeing and if he didn't expect that reaction from me when he rejected me or should I just suck it up and accept that the distance was an excuse and he was no longer interested? He wasn't seeing anyone else as far as I am aware and neither was I but he didn't know that because he never asked. I'm not sure whether to reach out to him again to clear things up?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Yeah, he's just not that interested. It doesn't have anything to do with him thinking that you have a stable of guys lined up (I don't think guys ever think that). The thing is, the distance may not be just an "excuse" as in, something he's saying to you because he doesn't want to tell you the truth. I think it could easily have played a role, but of course, the bigger point is that he just wasn't interested.

    But it's ok. Relationships are tough. It's easy to find someone you find attractive. I'd say it's even easy to find someone you want to have sex with. But finding someone you want to see over and over? That's tough and I think it should be tough, otherwise we'd just go out with people of whatever gender, age, background, and interests and would just have an amazing time with whoever. But we all know it doesn't work that way...

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    • 7d

      Cheers, guess I won't embarrass myself by reaching out to him again! His keeness then sudden change just confused me.

  • He might have something on his mind

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What Girls Said 1

  • Never hurts to reach out and ask why but why would he continue seeing you if you are leaving? If you both were looking for a life partner, maybe. Guys are f'ed these days. Don't waste your time trying to understand peoples behaviour. What is meant for you will be.

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