I hate his female friend. Am I justified?

Okay, so here's my dilemma. My boyfriend and I have been on and off for the past few years. The last time we broke up was about two years ago. I left him because I thought I was in love with someone else and the person that I left him for ended up cheating on me. We've been trying to work out our problems and have recently moved in and adopted a puppy together. The problem is that he has the female friend that I hate. I had met her prior to the last break up and was very vocal with him about the fact that I didn't want him hanging around with her anymore. He continued to see her despite my objections. After we had broken up, I got into a serious relationship with my ex, and this was the first man that I had been truly faithful to only to end up being cheated on. I realized I messed up and wanted another chance.

During this time, he had mentioned that he was seeing another woman but was unsure if it was going to go anywhere. He later admitted that he thought he was starting to fall back in love with me but he wanted to keep our relationship a secret because he wanted to let the other woman down easy. I question him about it and he tells me that she was the other woman, that he had caught feelings for her during my absence and they were starting to date before I came back and he thought he was in love with me. And the feelings were mutual. I told him to cut her off, but she eventually ended up cutting him off after seeing I made our relationship facebook official anyway. The problem is that now, he talks about her all the time. Most of our fights are about her and when we're not fighting, he's always mopey and depressed and I know he's thinking about her. He says he loves me but his tone always sounds bitter and resentful towards me. He's the love of my life, even though I was too stupid to see it and now our chances of fixing things are ruined because of her. Nothing I do seems to make him happy anymore. Is it worth fixing?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You are definitely justified. I would explain that she has caused many problems in your relationship and tell him you don't appreciate him keeping in touch with her despite your feelings. If he doesn't care then you can do better!

    • She didn't. She cut him off when she found out he's back with me but I think he's still into her. He blames me for him losing her and fixates on her and her new boyfriend instead of fixing our problems.

    • I'm sorry for all the hateful comments you are reading on here. People make mistakes. Try and ask him why he is so fascinated with them, and if he is blaming you for their breakup then screw him. I'm sorry but it seems he isn't as into fixing this relationship as you are. I'd cut him loose.


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What Guys Said 3

  • classic example of.. girls wants everything.
    Fix it and maybe the idea of her coming between you two is also just in your mind while in reality there is something else bothering him!
    Start from level one build trust and start communicating. Basically start with scratch and this time with baggage

    • He talks about her all the time. This morning he even told me he wondered what could have happened between them if he had chosen me and then told me she wasn't selfish and that I am.

    • *hadn't chosen me.

  • fix things with him this is ur fault

  • You should listen to a song called "wasting my hate" by Metallica. It might interest you


What Girls Said 1

  • Why should he stop seeing her? He's dumb for even being with you in the first place, let alone expecting him to listen to your concerns. You left him for another guy, who fucked you over (karma, I love you) then you picked him back up again because the other guy didn't really want you.

    Look how he mopes when she's not around, and talks about her constantly... Maybe he'll leave you for her lol. He misses her when she's not there, and probably just has fun with her when you're not there.

    • Yeah and she has a new boyfriend and wants nothing to do with him now, meanwhile I'm trying and he's treating me like crap. I'm trying to change and fix this but he doesn't seem to want to meet me half way.

    • You treated him like shit! Imagine a guy fucked you off for some other woman, then when she fucked his friend or something, he came back to you as if you're just some little lap dog he can pick up and drop when he feels.
      Really, sometimes, in relationships something happens that means there is no going back, no matter how hard both try. It'll never be the same. He will never feel he's your priority, just your back up guy.. and realistically, that's what it was.