Is someone proclaiming themselves to be a "good guy and great boyfriend" a red flag?

Pretty much what it says. Any chance good guys actually say this? In my experience not as it's really for other people to decide not you. A guy who is trying to date me said this to me and it totally unnerved me. I know he was in a relationship for 6 years but length is no guarantee of quality and I didn't like that he said this about himself. But I wanted to ask to see if anybody found an exception or if people think this is a bit of a conclusion to jump to.


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What Guys Said 16

  • Anyone that has to verbally use self proclaimed proclamations is most likely not it, just trying to convince themselves they are. In plain English... he's not as good as he says. Its like when someone says "im a grown ass man/woman"... most likely they aren't, because that for the public to decide, not for you to proclaim. I've never said im an alpha, but i get told.
    My former fuck buddy waaaay back in the day recently told me she was "too much woman" for me to handle and thats why i never dated her, and i calmly told her to look at her own rap sheet. numerous boyfriends over the span of 4 years, each and EVERY ONE of them cheated on her. I guess she was too much woman for them too lol... moron. At least i had the decency to keep things simple with her. and not date her then cheat.

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  • I understand what you are getting at but it probably hints at insecurity more than anything. He is trying to sell himself but not in the best ways. It comes across a bit like "I'm worthy, accept me". It's a bit needy.

    I don't think that bad guys profess to be good guys, they just might act like good guys. They wouldn't go so far as to say it.

    So, the only slight red flag for me would be one of insecurity. If he needs to profess his good nature then it suggests that he is not sure that you'll see it for yourself which in turn means he is not confident.

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  • Good guys say this all the time so I wouldn't hold it against him. But I wouldn't give him any credit either because talk is always cheap. If you're interested in him, then just go out with him and see what vibe you get from him. However, your post is kind of odd in that I get the strong impression that you're interested in this guy at all so I'm not sure why you're asking.

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  • not necessarily a red flag. but it would mean they are setting a very high bar and i'd have high expectations

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  • Yeah I think it is, unless he just says it in a joking way. I mean actual good people don't need to say stuff like that they just show it in how they act. I think that feeling the need to say what a good bf/gf you would be usually reveals that they might not have that many good qualities or hobbies or interests that they could mention.

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  • Depends on the person, but generally yes. Quite often people who - without being asked - praise themselves in certain things aren't that. Like how self-proclaimed "alpha-males" aren't alpha most of the times.

    If being asked and then honestly and confidently replying - then it is a whole different story.

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  • Maybe. But not necessarily. It could mean he is full of himself which isn't good. But you never know.

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  • Yes, it could be a red flag. But it might not be. Just see how honest he is in his life about anything. That's the only way you'll find out.

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  • Yes, if he really is a good catch it will show without need to say it.

    It{s like a guy says "i am a sportsmen and i am a fucking champion", if you are a champion, the medals, trophis and sponsorships will speak for itself.

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  • It can be. I am a truly nice guy with no intentions or motives other than trying to make the person smile and feel at ease around me if they are new. I don't date anymore because of many failed relationships but when I still did, I was honest about every word I say an never expected anything from them in return. Of course, most women find nice guys suspicious now but that's society for you.

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  • no. sometimes they are.

    but see if he's the type that can get things and reject them for principal sakes

    too many guys can't get women and act like they are virgins or moral dudes byt choice when they couldnt get it.

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  • I'd say he's full of himself.

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  • I dont like such types of self advertisement. Its trying to hard in my opinion.

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  • well i believe i'd make a great boyfriend? what are women? aliens? won't love and dedication be enough for them? i have plenty of those to give... .

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  • You're overthinking it. Give him a chance, make up your own mind

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  • I used to be in the camp of "actions speak with themselves". But its not actually true.
    Some people have their heads up their asses.
    Some people dont understand certain actions and literally need it broken down for them step by step.
    Some people are culturally different, where the same action can have a different meaning.

    These broad generalisations just get you nowhere in life. I find its best to be honest with people nowadays.

    It tends to be better to just communicate with people directly and honestly.
    I wouldn't say Im a good boyfriend. I try my best. And with the right person, Id be perfect, cause theyd want what I have to offer and bring out the best in me. But Im just human and the wrong person can. bring out the worst in me too.

    But if I truly was, regardless or circumstance, or hadn't ever fucked up or been a bad boyfriend, then I imagine I could safely and honestly say what that guy said. Feeling honest, not trying to sell myself, or brag. Just confidently stating the truth.
    So I guess it can be said out of insecurity but it could also just be confidence from a place of honesty.

    you're the one who has to figure out which it is and put his words into context.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Your right to pick up on this and spot it when you did. Yes, that is considered a red flag in my opinion because there is no need to say all of that if you're already are. It isn't to say that he may not be a good guy, but that does not mean that he will make a great boyfriend for YOU. I'm so happy that you pointed this out: "I know he was in a relationship for 6 years but length is no guarantee of quality and I didn't like that he said this about himself. " That's exactly how I feel and believe in. If you say you're all of this, then you have to prove it. Because when it's time to actually show for it, you better do it. So if that is a red flag for you, don't date him. Because it's a major risk your taking unless your willing to pay the consequences of it.

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  • I dated a guy who was like this and he turned out to be a massive d*ckhead in the end. He wrote to my best friend and asked her to break up with me for him and still goes around to this day saying he's so great and can't understand why girls don't want to be with him.. It's a red flag in my opinion but every situation is different I guess.

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  • Every guy who has told me this always turns out to be a massive arse tbh. They are usually the most hypocritical ones, "Im not like other guys, Im good, I'll treat you so good baby". 🙄

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  • Yea I feel like people feel the need to say this because they need to cover up the fact that they may not be as good as they are trying to seem.

    If they are truly a good person, their actions will speak for themselves.

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  • Honestly, it can go either way. I think there's nothing wrong with being confident in being a good person or a good partner, but if they feel the need to constantly drive it into your skull then it could be a red flag.

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  • You'll never know for sure until you get to know him more. I wouldn't assume he was lying or wasn't a good boyfriend or good person based on that alone. I guess it depends on what lead him to say it.

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  • yeeah

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  • Usually when a guy tells me this right off the bat... it's a red flag. He shouldn't have to convince you or himself that he's a good guy. He should just show it...

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  • yes i would be weirded out

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  • yeah

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  • According to my personal experience, yes it is.

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  • Yes its a red flag. A good man will show it not just say it. Its the same as men who claim to be a good lover. Men who claim that are not good in bed either

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  • Yes. If he was a good guy, why announce it. It's like "hey I'm just letting you know I'm a good guy" like why the warning. I always tell my friends this, and when they don't listen, something always happens. Seriously, why would a guy feel the need to tell you he's good. It's like those woman beaters who when they meet a woman tell her how much they respect women and would never hit a woman... then he does. It wouldn't even be in his mind to tell you if it were just his personality, because it's just him, he doesn't think about it.

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