My business is causing my girlfriend's anxiety to skyrocket, she wants me to end it and get a 9-5 job. Should I stay or go?

Hi folks,

I'm 23 years old and I have been doing what I love with free time and financial freedom from my own business for almost 4 years.

Those years I was single not for a choice but because I was way too busy and so broke at the same time. I had to do things I now regret, but now I know I had to go through to get where I am.

5 months ago I met this charming, beautiful and intellectual woman which I love from all my heart. I take her with her problems even though they might hurt me sometimes.

Not a long time ago a very stressful event happened and she didn't have the nerves to handle it as good as I did, she ended up twice in the hospital for having panic attacks. She since have been prescribed an antianxiety pill to regain control whenever one of those would happen (if so) again.

I paused the business for weeks for her to regain control of herself. I then slowly started without telling her and now that I told her she said she would allow me some time to sell the business instead of ending it quick at a loss.

She says I either accept this or she'll have to go because she can't deal with such stress in her life.

I currently live in a condo with her, we share every single moment of our lives together except the ones where I see she won't fit (anxiety-causing).

Thank you for reading it all...

What should I do, what are your thoughts on this?

  • Should I stay?
    48% (11)30% (8)38% (19)Vote
  • Should I go?
    52% (12)70% (19)62% (31)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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What Girls Said 15

  • You should stay. She is not your wife, she is your girlfriend. She does not have legal nor authority over you do and plan to do. It is your business as I have stated in your other question about the importance of money. This is why I said those things specifically, but she wants you to quit to satisfy her? Um, I don't think so. But it's entirely up to risk your job over her. She knew the consequences of dating and moving in with you from the jump. That's why I also say cohabitation is never a good idea. But she did what she wanted. Not your fault, and don't ever believe that it is.

    "She says I either accept this or she'll have to go because she can't deal with such stress in her life." Um, then why are you dating then if you can't handle it? That is what I would ask her. I have problems and this is why I'm not dating and won't. Because I can't handle the stress. So she's making an excuse because the reality is, she wants your attention and she can't handle it when you put your job over her. So at that point, you're not compatible with her, and she needs to find somebody who can give her all that attention. I'm sorry that this had to happen. But I hope what I said is helpful. Best Regards.

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  • Don't give up on your business. You worked hard for it. I understand you girlfriends issue- I deal with bad anxiety myself. She shouldn't tell you to sell your business, it's a little selfish. Instead, hard as it may be, she probably should've ended the relationship. She obviously can't deal with her anxiety, & your business gives her anxiety - one or both of you is always going to be unhappy. Those who don't have anxiety don't understand why we do- that's fine you don't have to but if you can't work together find away to ease her nerves about your business, it's not going to work

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    • 11d

      She doesn't want any help from cognitive therapy, it's either I lose her or the business. This sucks

    • 11d

      She have to get the therapy, even if by force, or her and you will not get peace in life.

    • 11d

      After the business, it will be something else. Don't end it. Grab her, put her on the car, and therapy, for her own good.

  • You can't lose yourself for the sake of a relationship. Yes, it'll hurt to leave her, but you cannot give up all of that hard work for somebody who expects you to do all of the sacrificing. Yes, it causes her anxiety - welcome to relationships. No one said they'd be perfect. It sounds to me she needs to be alone to sort her shit out.

    Don't give up on your dreams.

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  • If she can't accept your business then maybe that's not the life for her. 5 months isn't long enough to even know for sure if things will work out.

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  • Dump her.

    Your ability to get better at business will give you far greater security than a 9-5 job. Plus, 9-5 jobs are an ILLUSION of security... and there are going to be fewer of them.

    Your own business is THE way to go. And as you get better, you can structure your business to free up more of your time for other things, people, etc.

    And like, what kind of psycho is so insecure that they tell someone to give up their livelihood? She's crazy.

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  • I hope you will not give up your business as I know how difficult it is to start one. I hope you will figure out a way how to help your girlfriend get over these panic attacks. I have had some.. that`s why I know that it isn`t easy for your girlfriend either. But she can make sure that her things related to job are stable.. and maybe she will feel more secure

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    • 11d

      There is no helping her, she gave me an ultimatum

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    • 11d

      Think of the future. How stupid will you feel in a few years when your girlfriend breaks up with you? Relationships eventually end and trust me, you will wish you kept that business. You will feel like the dumbest person on the planet.

    • 11d

      @Truthatanycost my friend told me the same thing, I have no issue thinking about what would happen if she would dump me. I would sure feel like a dumbass haha.

  • I didn't understand which answering option was which, but I think you should keep your business. It sounds like it means a lot to you. Your partner shouldn't be asking you to give it up.
    Pardon me, but why does your job cause her panick attacks? She doesn't have to get involved with it right?
    Only reason I could think of is if she means she doesn't see you often enough, but since you live together that doesn't seem to be the case.

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  • Dude just leave her already. You guys have a different problem like every week it seems.

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  • no offense to your girl, but if you are lucky enough to have your own business you shouldn't give it up. 9 to 5 jobs pay jack and you will only suffer because of it. get her some help. it might do her some good.

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  • What kind of "business" drugs?

    If it's not anything illegal or dangerous than this girl is overly dramatic and you should drop her.

    If you are in an illegal or harmful business, and she wants you to quit, she should probably leave you because "bad" boys don't change

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    • 11d

      I run a 4 employees + myself pure water window cleaning business.

      It is legal and isn't harmful, we direct deposit our employees pay and pay pur taxes on every single contract.

      Sometimes customers don't pay and I get frustrated and sometimes angry so I go knock at their door a lot before getting a lawying to get the payment so that's why sometimes it can get stressful to her.

      I have really good nerves for this, she doesn't. I can partly understand this but other than that it's my choice.

  • wait a minute..! you were doing your business before you meet her, why is she getting envolve?

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  • It sounds like you're in a good place right now in your career, and it sounds like you're doing the thing you love most. I would keep at it. The person you're meant to be with will support you in your work, and in your personal life.

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  • I'd ditch her.

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    • 11d

      Thank you for your opinion, why would you and what for?

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    • 11d

      That is such a great answer... Keep in mind I will be reading this over and over again.

    • 11d

      I was also going to point out that getting a 9-5 job *could* significantly lower your standard of living (this depends on the job you would get in accordance to your qualifications). Your girlfriend doesn't seem to understand the financial implications of what she demanded from you.
      If you're someone ambitious, I doubt you would want to make a decision that would downgrade your prospects and if you have specific dreams and goals, being forced to get a job you don't even like or want would make you miserable.

      Because of all of this, you could end up resenting your girlfriend.

  • I say don't give up your business I am sure you have worked hard to get where you are today and your girlfriend needs to understand that. Don't give up your dreams just because she wants you to. Your parter ought to be supportive and understanding.

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  • Really, a good relationship is partly meant to be an investment in the future, not a hindrance. You've set up something good for yourself, something you can take even further and give yourself and your future family a decent life with, I don't even know why she would tell you not too. Yes, I know it's stress to her, but if she wants to move forward she needs to actually move forward and not expect those around her to give up their lives to become her enablers.. And that's what it is, enabling. Lots of people do enable those with mental health issues, because they think it helps, but in the long run it doesn't. So you give this up, not only are you enabling her and not actually helping her future, you're also hindering your own.
    Usually, there are pros and cons on both sides, but honestly it doesn't look like that here, only that there are many cons to dying what she says and many pros to continue your life as you are.
    Never ever throw away your future for anybody... and anybody who expects you to do that for, sorry no offence to your girl, they proved they aren't worth you doing that for.
    Anyway, this is how you make your money... if she wants a proper future with you in years to come having kids and all that, what does she want your kids to eat? Dust and memories of when daddy did make money?
    Don't do it man. She will have to accept it.

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What Guys Said 15

  • i don't think you should upend your life and a business you started for a girl you've known for 5 months. i mean we make sacrifices for those we love but it seems like your partner is asking for something rather selfish

    i didn't vote cause i'm not going to advise you to end things but your partner needs to be able to find some compromise

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    • 11d

      She was clear she wouldn't make a compromise for this, same thing about me smoking a cigarette after a hard day of work as a "reward" (been controlling this vice for years).

      I will have to drop my business and go work into construction to make an acceptable living if I want to stay with her.

    • 11d

      You don't get it. If you drop the business to please her, it communicates weakness for one (on a subconscious level), you will resent her without realizing but most of all, when you are not doing what you love, you are no longer the same person and the relationship will end anyway.

      It will either end because you went against her wishes, or end because you did what she wished for. Deep down, no woman respects any man that would throw away a business he loves to please her, no matter what she says. It is something that occurs at a low level that even she may not be aware of directly.

    • 10d

      i wouldn't worry about appearing weak. it's just a simple fact of after 5 months should you give up something you've worked so hard for, for so long, for something with no guarantees of lasting forever. if you were engaged or married i'd say maybe give it serious consideration... but i personally feel like she is asking you to make a huge sacrifice and i know from experience that 5 months into a relationship is still a really newish relationship

  • I'm curious what business you're in that she is having anxiety attacks over. Is there a risk to your life or something?

    If she's worried about your financials (which are none of her concern at this point) then you should get rid of her fast because she's clearly only thinking about one thing.

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    • 11d

      She wants to pay her own stuff, no problem with that. Although sometimes she needs more money because she's badly managing her finances, I never give it to her. If she forgets her wallet? I say we go back home and you grab it, I didn't offer to pay tonight so I won't be forced into paying. If you got no money we simply go home and do something else.

      Lol

  • I understand relationships are meant to like be a support thing. You can support her and she can support you. It's not supposed to feel this way for either of you. You're hoping to get your business up and going, and that's great! I hope that works out for you! If she was willing to spend the rest of her life with you (the exact reason for dating in my opinion; it's one of two options, and the other is to break up) then she'd have to admit that this is what you want. You've put so much effort into it. Yeah you have to support her too with her anxiety, but you have tried to accommodate for her needs. You've done your part and accepted her and who is she. She needs to accept you and who you are and your ambitions or you'll be stuck wondering what could have been. It's selfish of her to try and get you to end it without giving it a chance. 4 years can't be for nothing, especially against a 5 month relationship. Do what your heart tells you. Best of luck to you, OP!

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  • Keep the business, it's what you love. To give up on your dreams is to die a little inside, the thing is could you live with yourself if you gave up? Could you honestly look at yourself in the mirror and be happy? If not then you will just grow to resent her, and it won't last anyway.

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  • It's a really tough call but here's my two cents. I can see that you love her dearly and you've taken her with her problems, but two need to put the effort in to make a relationship work. If she truly loved you then she should be supporting you as much as you support her, I think it's kind of selfish of her to ask you to throw away 4 years of hard work for someone you've only been dating for 5 months, it seems a little one sided to me.

    I understand she has her issues and she really can't be blamed for them (I've read the posts below), but it would ultimately be better for her in the long run if she gets the help she needs instead of letting her issues own her.

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  • What ever you do! Do not Give up your passion in what you are doing. If you love this and it keeps you financially sound. You are passionate about it. Keep it. She is asking too much for you to give up your dreams. She should be supportive of what you do. I am telling you do not do it.

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  • Hard to say, man. It depends on many circumstances. Are you able to find job financially and emotionally satisfy you? If yes, then maybe go for it. If not, outside are plenty of women whose will be compatible with you and will accept your job as well.

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    • 11d

      The only kind of job I would agree to do to to make almost as much as right now would be a bartender at a very busy club during weekend nights and a high-end real estate agent during the week.

      I would never be satisfied if I'd be making 2 grand a week or under

  • It's far far easier to find a new girlfriend than it is to make another successful business.
    This is also a shit test. Walk.
    The fact that she is talking about panic attacks and is on prescription brain meds at 23? HUGE RED FLAG.

    RUN LIKE HELL.

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  • If you stop doing what you love, to please her, she will lose respect for you and leave anyway. Never stop doing what you love for the sake of some girlfriend. This should not even be a question.

    Who does she think she is?

    I wonder how much potential custom and profit you lost from pausing the business. She is a liability, let her leave.

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    • 11d

      The few weeks I closed business I lost twice as much as I was making weekly. I decided to pay my employees fully regardless of the small amount of work I could put into it.

      I also lost some customers because we were late on their window cleanings, those are mostly commercial and usually recurring.

      Since I'm in a relationship I see two bad things happening to my finances, I have to spend more for night outs because there's more of them and I make less profit from the business because she takes more of my time.

      That's not counting the amount of potential customers that were waiting for quotes I had to reschedule later, many of them canceled.

  • Oh, it's always tease, tease, tease...

    Well, if you go there will be trouble... but if you stay it will be double.

    Man, this indecision's buggin me.

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  • Stay? Go? Who or what? Your girlfriend or your business? I cannot vote.

    But I'd say to keep the business as the business provides shelter and food for your life. Your girlfriend does not.

    Think about it. What is fundamentally more important to live?

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  • I don't get the part why she get's anxious because your job...
    Doesn't make sense to me, so i don't know what to say.

    I don't think i would leave my dream project. The real problem is not that, it's her problem and that's where the focus must go.

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    • 10d

      I have a suggestion. Can you pay some professionals to see her on your own house?
      Maybe they could start talking about the problem, and about how she can trust them, and how life can improve... etc.

      Can you also get the first day off, to be there with her? And both talk with the specialists at your own house?

      Go smooth but determined. It's possible to keep the business and her.
      Ok? I would not leave none of them, i would not allow it without trying everything, and be imaginative, to get her healthy again.

      Think about it.

  • Fuck what she thinks, get a new girlfriend

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  • Keep her and your buisness

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  • I think I need a bit more background to give you a fair assessment. What was the anxiety causing event?

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    • 11d

      Since I point no names here...

      She lost her virginity at 15 abused by two man while they got her intoxicated on a drug meant for that.

      Her dad was emotionally and physically abusive, her mom too.

      Her mom has a past of anxiety and depression.

      That's all I know. She wasn't the cause of her own anxiety if that was your question.

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    • 11d

      Those were her anxiety causing events from her past, she's ever had this sense of "fear" from life.

      As for my business it was a legal issue that could have had very bad financial issues on it but I solved things for the best and I've been prosperous still. Business is all about problem solving, you fix this here and there, financial or legal.

    • 11d

      Swole you just listed 5 MORE RED FLAGS in addition to everything you said earlier

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