Should I leave my new boyfriend to get back with my ex?

Me and my ex were together for 6 months. A lot of the time I was happy with him, but it was a challenge with his depression worsening and other things going on his life and he essentially ended up pushing me away, despite my efforts and patience. We both mutually agreed to break things off whilst he focused on himself, as dating wasn't a priority for him. It was a struggle to get over him, but I soon got used to the idea of us being friends and we kept in touch. Also, I didn't want to get my hopes again we'd get back together.

A month later, I start seeing someone new. We've been together nearly 2 months. Whilst I do like him, and he's a great guy, we're not exclusive.

My ex then asks if I wanted to meet him for a catch up. I agreed, as we're still friends and my romantic feelings for him had mostly gone (so I thought) So we meet up, and we have a great time catching up. My ex is still on hard medication for his depression, and he confesses he went on two dates but only out of boredom. He said he isn't the mindframe to date. I revealed I'd started seeing someone and he went really quiet and cut the evening short.

When he got home, he admitted he was very jealous and that he was truly sorry for all the time's he hurt me and he pushed me away (it wasn't necessarily his fault, as it was his depression) He said he didn't want us to talk for a while, as this news had upset him and he didn't want to ruin my chances with my new guy. I reluctantly accepted this, but I messaged him saying I now felt really conflicted and that I do still have feelings for him. He obviously still feels the same way. Even if I was single, I don't know if he would be open to dating me again, and if we did it'd have to be taken really slowly. I also don't want to mess around the new guy I'm seeing, plus I'm unsure how he feels about me. It doesn't feel very serious.

So yeah... my feelings for my ex have resurfaced, and I feel really strongly about him still. I don't know what to do.


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What Guys Said 5

  • I would love to read this but that's a wall of text so I'll keep it simple.

    Your ex is your ex for a reason. Never look back.

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  • ıf u think about it yeah leave hhim

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  • Do go back with him. Things rarely chane the second time around.

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  • Sounds to me like your suppose to be together... I mean are you really going to ignore your heart. If he still loves you after all this time? you don't find guys like that anymore... I think there's something special here that you guys should nurture.. Give him a chance because your not going to let yourself wonder what if for all of eternity right... Live and love girl

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  • Do what ever you really want to do or is willing to do. Do what ever makes you feel the most happy. Just follow your heart. If you want to move on, you'd stop seeing your ex, as things can spiral right back to that point where you two were before when you both had split up. Otherwise, take your chances again with him and see how it all turns out and hope for the best. Or keep looking for someone else if you aren't really feeling an emotional connection with the new person you are currently seeing.

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What Girls Said 13

  • Perhaps being you are Not quite Sure of the Newbie Now... Break it Off or Take a Break and Go Slow with the other Joe. This Could get Complicated.
    However, you Know he is in this Depressed State, so Encourage Him to get Help so he can Function better in Life and with his own Strife.
    Regardless of What happens, if you Do go Back to Joe, Nurse and Nurture Something Special that could occur again.
    However, it may Not always be Greener on the other Side so Decide... Before you Move from Point "B" with "C" your Current Thee. xx

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    • 2d

      your advice is always so good! Thanks for commenting on my question. My ex is seeking all the help he can get access too.. he's in therapy and he's changed his meds so much the last 2 months. Right now I don't know if they'll help but he's not in a good place with them still ... side effects and all that... so I don't know how long it will take until he feels "better". I loved him very much, but I felt myself becoming depressed, even though I knew his behaviour wasn't his fault. He blames himself. I'm torn. I feel so strongly about him still, but I don't know if things will be different if I DID go back to him and if I WAS single.

    • 2d

      Thank you so much, hun, I appreciate this and also Thanks for the like.
      It is very hard to deal with someone, hun, who is even on meds, one never knows how it goes. However, if he is tearing at your heart strings, and you feel the deal to just "talk" to him, go slow but don't give up something special if it could mean a potential future.
      And like I say, if it is getting to be too much, then take a Break from the Current, but why break something that doesn't need to be fixed? You sound more sound with the newbie where the other, you know how it was with him, and maybe some parts of him, still is what it is, no changes. xx

  • I have learned many times... exes tend to be exes for a reason. What you're likely experiencing is nostalgia, need for resolution, and idealisms. No one can tell you what to choose but be wise with whatever choice you do make. I think one key thing... is the current guy... probably stop seeing him because he's clearly a non-issue in dating other people that you feel like you would like more than you like him... or if you stay with him make more of an effort to develop something more real with him. Sounds like you two are barely into each other.

    The ex... personally I would be done with that. Don't let the good times of the past blind you to the equally real bad times.

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  • No, absolutely not. He will still do the same thing because depression doesn't just stop and he will go up and down and you'll experience the same thing as before. But if you are thinking you would dumb your boyfriend for your ex why are you with the guy? That's unfair to him and mean. Plus, don't stay friends with your because as you see, it doesn't allow you to fully move on. Sounds like you need to be alone and figure stuff out.

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  • First things first: is the reason you broke up still there? Sure, he still has depression, but dating you would be his priority now? Would he work on the relationship as he works on himself? Have a honest talk about it, it could really help your decision. Feelings alone don't hold a relationship together.
    Also, keep in your head that you don't deserve to go through all that pain again. If you're coming back together, then it's for you guys to suceed, not for you to be his nurse/punching bag.
    As someone that has depression I understand his side, but you're either okay enough to be on a relationship or you're not. If the depression episodes are constant and heavy, I doubt he'll have the energy for you.

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  • Because you're even asking this question at all, you should leave your new boyfriend because you're clearly not over your ex.

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  • Do what makes you feel happy. sometimes giving people a second chance is best. I went through a similar thing with my best friend. not dating wise but friendship wise. we had a huge fall out because i was depressed and i did and said some pretty nasty shit to her. after almost a year of not talking i apologized to her and she forgave me and wanted to be friends again even after all the things i did to her. So maybe give him a second chance and see where it goes. and maybe the current guy you're seeing is just to fill a void in your heart so it won't be fair to him if you keep stringing him along

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  • Well, if you still have feelings for your ex, you need to break things off with the new guy. As for your ex, I add insanity is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results. I mean if you are convinced your ex has changed and will not hurt you go for it. If not, stay single for a while.

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  • Don't jump into a relationship with your ex until you are completely 100% sure it is him you want to be with. Starting a relationship with an ex is extremely difficult compared to it being someone new in your life.

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  • If you are not exclusive I would go back to your ex but only if you are sure you still want to be with him.

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  • I don't think you should get back with your ex. Relationships end for a reason

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  • Do what you feel is right for the moment. If the guy you're with now is treating you right and you're happy, then don't worry about it. Other wise write down a lost of pros and cons, be harsh on the cons though in case you kid yourself.

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  • Stay with your new guy. He is an ex for a reason ok. Leave it in the past

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  • There's a reason why you and your ex are no longer together.
    But if you'd consider dumping your new guy (depending on how new) then you don't need to be with them either

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