Getting turned down by the pretty girl?

You know how they say that if you don't try, you'll never know? Well, in my case, I wish I never knew.

There was this very hot girl in my class that I talked to in my class. This was a big leap for me because I'm quiet and very average looking. But I made her laugh and she was receptive to me so one day I asked her for coffee. I got a yes from her.

That went alright. But it was enough for me to ask her on a real date, which we went on, and I thought it was alright as well. A few weeks later, when school ended, I asked her for another and I got turned down by her. According to her, she had a conflict that day, so, my naive self assumed that if I asked her a couple weeks later, then she'll be free. of course not. She said no again and in the three weeks since has never contacted me again (though we used to text every so often).

I recently checked her Facebook page and boy do I feel embarrassed. To me, she was really soft-spoken and quite reserved, but on her Facebook page, she has all these pictures with her and her friends, including pictures with her and other guys, with whom she has affectionate nicknames for. And from her comments, she's opened up to all of them and seems far looser.

I feel embarrassed and like a fool for ever thinking that she would want to be with me. She's popular and sociable and pretty and I was an idiot for deluding myself to think there was a chance. It's like it all fell down on me at once. I don't have many friends so I didn't realize that if you have a lot of friends (especially of both sexes), you don't really care about an outsider (like me). She really doesn't care if she doesn't hear from me again.

I consider myself an idiot for thinking about her for the months during school and the weeks after school ended. Giving thought to a girl who doesn't give a crap about me.

I guess, the purpose of this question is... is it possible to feel embarrassed that you tried to ask someone out? Because I really do feel embarrassed now.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey dude, I'm going to tell you something that hapened to me 3 years ago with - to date - still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. It took me 3 years to realize what happened and this is almost a mirror image of what you've gone through.

    I suffer from social anxiety + depression. Pretty much no friends, no experience dating or even making friends. I'm getting much better but 3 years ago I was nowhere. In one of my classes, this absolutely gorgeous woman sat across the room from me, and didn't think much of it because I knew I had no chance anyways. Then one day she sat closer to me, and then the next day I sat closer to her and when she walked in she had a big smile on her face.

    We ended up talking throughout the whole semester. Somedays she would intentionally sit away from me and look back at me and give me smiles, and even at the end of class if I ignored her, she followed me into the halls to talk to me. She was playing hard to get - I was supposed to pursue her and never did.

    One day at the end I FINALLY asked her out for coffee. She agreed and even though she had another exam in the afternoon she stayed with me the whole time, for 3 hours. By the end of it, she just gave me her number telling me how crazy we were for not having exchanged them.

    So what did I do? I waited a month to call her. We went on another date where I was 30 minutes late. Then, I called her 2 months after that. She agreed to yet another coffee date, and yet again I let her go without telling her I liked her.

    Then ANOTHER MONTH passed and by this time she was no longer interested in me. I asked her out for a date again, and after 2 weeks of attempting to reach her, she finally agreed and it all ended horribly.

    Now I thought it didn't work because I have social problems and she is a bartender with more friends than she knows what to do with. But that's not the case. She WAS interested in me but she was used to having guys pursue her and being more aggressive. She basically took my behaviour as disinterest and maybe thought that I was using her as a backup plan. So it was really me showing the disinterest and ruining the situation for myself. Even if it DIDNT work out, we would have still been friends had I only shown more interest. I've also recently tried to not take a woman not calling you personally. From what I understand women like men to contact them, and if you only try once every 3 weeks, I can't see why she would go out of her way to contact you. Especially when she has all of these other friends and guys in her life that most likely try and talk to her more frequently.

    Its only embarassing because you know what your lifestyle is like, and you have an image of what hers is like. You have no idea what her perception of you is - she might think your a player who has all of these women for all you know.

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    • I think in my case, I showed too much interest.

      We used to text every other day. When school ended and I tried to get her out and she would say no, I was naive enough to think that she was really busy, so I ended up offering her different days (ie. Tuesday or Thursday at so and so time, pick one of them) and ended up blowing me off for both.

      So when a girl does that, what choice do I have but to stop contacting her? She never indicated that she would be interested. I wasn't too nice

    • I didn't put her on a pedestal, etc. But I DID do the little things, like occasionally contact her and ask her how her test went when school was in or when school was out, I'd call her and ask her how her trip to another city was. I thought this would separate me from the pack because I actually took an interest in her life.

      The very last time she said no, she told me she'd call me and tell me. She didn't. Haven't heard from her since. I feel foolish and embarrassed.

    • I was idiotic enough to think that her remembering my birthday and stuff like the day of my interviews were enough to keep asking her out.

      After she spurned me the first time, I didn't contact her for a week, then on my birthday she contacted me and we pretty much talked/texted all day. So a few days later, I thought that she was still interested so I asked her on the whole date thing and, as I've recounted, it blew up in my face.

What Girls Said 2

  • Anyone would feel embarrassed so you're definitely not alone. You really can't control what a person is looking for in a partner. And if they pass you up, you just gotta be like "ok, their loss."

    And really what I think is, if you are really reserved and this girl's a socialite, your personalities probably wouldn't have went together pretty well. And she probably saw that when you two went out on a date, and that's why you haven't been on another date since. Its natural for you to feel bummed, because you really liked her, with so many other girls out there only focusing on this girl is only going to make you miss out on other opportunities. You'll find another girl soon enough, this girl you're stressing about now will be a footnote in history :)

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  • its normal but don't beat yourself up over it. there will be other girls out there. never put this girl on a pedestal because your putting yourself down in the process.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think you should beat yourself up about her turning down your offer for a date - think of it this way, at least you had the gumption to ask her out. There are plenty of people in this world who don't even make it that far. Even though it didn't work out, you at least made the effort and that's what's important...never regret or be embarrassed about acting on your feelings.

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