I have a question.
My boyfriend and I have been dating about a year. We spend a lot of time together but do not live together. We have talked about moving in but really are not quite ready. When ever we go out to eat, movies, etc. He never pays for me. We ALWAYS split the bill 50/50. I do not expect him to pay for me all the time but I am just wondering if this is a warning sign. He never initiates dates or makes plans, I am always the one to suggest and he just goes along with it.
Also, about 5 months ago I looked at the history of his computer and found that he had created a fake dating account and was looking at other girl's profiles. He claims he was just bored and was just curious. We spend almost all of our time together so I know he hasn't cheated on me but it bothers me that he was looking. Also, just today I looked at his Facebook account and found him sending messages to other girls at like 2:30 a.m. when I was out of town. The message said "Hey, I haven't talked to you in a while, what's new?" I understand I shouldn't be looking at either of those things and under normal circumstances he is very sweet to me but I am just wondering if he is looking for a way out.
It may be easy for someone to see and I may not be able to see what's right in front of me. Please offer me some advice.
Most Helpful Guy
I don't see why you should bring up the "we split 50/50" thing and the fact that he's not paying for you on anything. Why would he? I mean, it's not like you're in a relationship where you share resources (i.e. living together). If you expect your boyfriend to pay for you on stuff then there's something utterly wrong about the way your outlook about relationships is.
However, I guess the fact that he's talking to other girls bothers you - it should. In actuality, every guy does that, whether he is in a relationship or not - it's the truth. Guys always look for options around them consciously or unconsciously, it is programmed in their DNA (girls by the way, aren't any different).
As for not initiating anything, I guess that's an issue because you'd expect a guy to lead and initiate - but some guys like comfort and like things to flow. He might be expecting you to bring all the going out ideas and relationship dynamics because you're possibly better in it than him - it doesn't make him less committed than you are.
On a final note, if he wanted to break up, he would - but you said he's very sweet to you and attentive, which is the opposite of being indifferent and uncaring that are in fact indications of "wanting out".
What you should be asking yourself is, do YOU want out? Maybe you're looking at the negative things, feel like this relationship isn't what you thought it would be and whether you're aware of it or not trying to rationalize breaking up with him yourself? Perhaps you have a side in you that wants to break up but you feel guilty about it and wish to find justification?
I am not trying to be the bad person telling you evil stuff, but I have some understanding in social psychology and there's nothing wrong with some reflection as long as you look at things rationally and consider the facts. In the end, if you love your boyfriend and you're attracted to him, you'll stay together (if he reciprocates). If not, you'll break up.
Cheers and good luck.1
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