He's so hot and cold, what kind of bizarre man thoughts are going on!

After seeing a guy a few times and him saying he doesn't want a relationship I accepted that and thought friends would be good. We have to see each other a lot and if he changes his mind later even better. The past week we've been emailing a bit. He's been telling me in detail about his plans for the winter (almost as though he wants me involved) and the emails have been kinda flirty. Today he asks me to come along to a function with him and a friend tonight, saying he really hopes I'll come etc. Due to transport I would need a ride but he says he doesn't know when he will be getting there and to make my own way. I replied saying I don't want to go by myself (safety reasons) but I don't mind waiting in a cafe until he's finished work, otherwise I'll go to the place our group usually goes. Well he just didn't reply to my email. Nothing, 7 hours later and still nothing.

I don't get it, its all looking good and then nothing. Even if he's just trying to be friends I defiantly wouldn't treat my friends like that, if I couldn't pick them up I would at least reply to an email.

Does anyone have any explanation for this? I don't really want to email or text him again as I don't want to appear desperate and I did say I would be doing something else (though my plans have since changed to the couch and cuddles with my kitten!). I still like this guy but he's sending such mixed messages, I would settle for friends but I truly have no idea what he wants!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • So, this is how he is acting and he isn't in a relationship with you. But, perhaps you need to ask yourself what a relationship with him might be like anyway.

    First off, doesn't look like he is going out of his way to see you, and when he realizes you can't find a ride he isn't helpful, so decides just not to respond. So, would he be there for you if you started a relationship with him? And, you said that you wouldn't do that to someone, even if they were just a friend; so, if he can't be a good friend then what makes you think he could be a good boyfriend?

    It is the small things that can tell you a lot about someone.

    I dated this guy, and remember one night I was super cold and was shivering like crazy. He told me he felt perfect; yeah, cause he was wearing a huge jacket. He didn't offer me his jacket, and that sent up a red flag, and I was stupid to ignore it. After we had been dating a month, I got stranded and I needed him to come pick me up, and I told him I was really sorry because I tried everybody else. He said, "sorry babe, I need to save on gas. I'm sure you will find someone to help".

    This guy just sounds a little too self-consumed; which would leave little time for you.

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    • Thanks. I was ont he verge of calling him to ask if he wanted to do something today since we missed each other last night but you got me thinking. I can make up excuses for him all day becuase I want it to be good but the fact is he's acting weird and not treating me very well at all. Argh, now I just need to be strong and not call!

What Guys Said 1

  • Well the advice I can give you is that when this girl I knew asked me out and I told her I didn't want to be in a relationship, we became friends. Later when I realized her personality wasn't half bad, I tried to flirt with her as well. Truthfully I wasn't looking for a relationship with her but just to have her because I felt lonely at the moment. So maybe he just feels lonely at this moment but isn't taking you really seriously. hope this helps.

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    • Yeah, I get the impression he isn't taking me seriously too. How do you think I should handle it? I don't want to let him play me

    • You got to make that decision. Do you inform him you only want to be friends if he keeps pushing the flirting or do you try to make a relationship out of his momentary need for you?

      If he didn't want a relationship with you to began with, why would he suddenly change his mind.

    • He said he didn't want a relationship at all, he was too busy with worka dn didn't think he was really over his ex. He said he really liked me but wasn't in teh right "headspace" for a relationship. That sounds pretty lame to me so I guess that's why I think he might change his mind, while we were dating he seemed so incredibly into me. The flirting is just making me think even more that he might be changing his mind.

      I would definately settle for friends if he could do that

What Girls Said 1

  • Sounds like a spoiled child...You offered an alternative compromise but that wasn't good enough. He wants you there but every plan has to be for his convenience...Stand you ground...not that you're playing a game but don't get into his game/s. Take this as a flag and be cautious...Bet ya this behavior goes deeper than you know. Makes your kitty sound better and better all the time doesn't it :-). Best of luck. Cheers!

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    • Hey, thanks for the comment. He is acting weird and as much as I want this to turn into something I guess I have to be realistic too :(

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