Obligation to call after a random hookup?

OK, so I haven't done this often, and it's actually been a few years since the last time it happened, but I randomly hooked up with someone I met at a bar the other night. In the past when this has happened, I have usually not called the person, however, that does tend to make me feel badly about things. I asked a friend about this, and she said that an unwritten rule of random hookups is that you don't have to call, and both people are aware of this fact going in.

Is that true? I told her I will call, does that make a difference? I actually haven't decided whether I want to or not, because I did like her, but if I do call I want it to be because I want to, and not out of a sense of obligation.

So I guess I'd like to hear from anyone who has had a random hookup, really liked the person, had the person say he/she would call, and then he/she never does call. Are you ok with that? Take offense to it? Get p*ssed off? Etc.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It depends. Most people going into a random hookup are aware that it doesn't equal a relationship and that there will most likely be no contact afterward. However, sometimes people hope they will call because it makes them feel special, like it was more than just a random thing. It's a thin line to walk. I would say if you don't really want to call the girl, then don't call her. However, you will most likely destroy any chance with her in the future after that if you change your mind. It's not that she would be p*ssed, just a little suspicious as to why you weren't interested in her before.

    Your situation is tricky in that you said you would call her. It is a little rude to back out after that and she will assume you're not a man of your word. But either way, it was a random hookup, so I'm sure she wasn't expecting much more out of you anyway. Completely your decision.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Never, ever tell a random hookup that you will call. That is how you preserve the fact that it is a random hookup, otherwise known as a one night stand.

    Sorry dude, but the whole I-dont'-want-to-call-out-of-obligation is a bunch of B.S. You are obligated and you did it to yourself. Look in the mirror and bitch yourself out for this, but you are at fault here, not her or anyone else.

    So, if you like her, call her. If you don't, don't call but never do this again. Have one night stands and don't promise them anything. No need.

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  • I pretty much agree with your friend- there's no obligation to call after a random hookup. But if you really hit it off, of course there's gonna be a little hope that there will be a call, even though you know you can't really expect one.

    You definitely shouldn't feel like you have to call, and should only do it if you want to. She might think you're a jerk if you don't, she might be disappointed if she liked you too, she might not even notice or care at all... and really, what does it matter? Save the concern for people who are actually a part of your life!

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  • everybody hooks up. don't just call the girl becasue you feel bad call her becasue you actually want to get to know her better. If you have no interest in talkin to her or ever seeing her again than don't even bother gettin her number . I remeber once I hooked up with this guy , it was nothin serious I thought he was cute but I kinda figured it was a one time thing . When I got home that night and layed down I checked my phone and it showed that he had texted me. He was like hey I just wanted to tell you that I really lik you and that I want to get to know you better. I was so shocked and I couldn't help but smile it was nice that he texted me and we started dating a little while after we got to really know each other. I never thought we even had anything in common until I gave him a chance and if he had never texted me than I would have never gotten to know what an amazing person he was.

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  • If you wanted to call her you would have already.. Also, if you didn't want to plan on calling her then why did you tell her that you were going to call? Also, I would take offense. "wth, he said he would call... Ugh, I should have known, people who do one-night stands have no feeling for other people.." <-- That is the worst I would feel from it, just totally dislike you then on for 'lying' about calling.

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  • She knew it was a one time thing so she probably isn't upset. I would call her if that's what you really want. You never know...

    good luck!

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  • you don't really have to. I really don't feel sorry for girls who randomly hook up with guys and then don't get called back, or it takes a long time for the guy to call back. you really don't have to call since it was a one night stand its not like you owe her anything. you gave her the d*** that's all that you're obligated to do. if you WANT to call then do so, but if you don't then don't worry about it

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What Guys Said 2

  • The only reason that I think you should call is because you said you would. My word means a lot to me and if I say I am going to do something you can count on it being done. Now as far as all these unwritten rules go, no you do not have to call her. If you like her and would like to spend some more time with her, then don't wait too long before calling.

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  • of course you don't call. that's why people hook up with randoms

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