Met new guy, hit it off. Foolishly had sex on second date and started to get paranoid this might be a relationship killer. Decided to speak with him about it. I basically said that when sex enters the picture it brings with it feelings or expectations and if it happens too fast the people involved might not be ready. I told him I liked him but wasn't sure this soon if I wanted a relationship with him but that I was definitely sure I didn't want to slip into something purely casual.
He told me that as he saw it I was ruling out all the possibilities. I explained that wasn't the case and that I didn't mean we shouldn't have had (or should stop having) sex, only that I didn't want just casual sex.
He assured me that he wasn't interested in just sex and to him sex doesn't actually change much, which is fine BUT he said to be honest about himself he generally treasures every bit of his freedom and isn't into serious relationships. He said that he is down for going with the flow of things and seeing where things leads as long as there aren't any great expectations. Part of me thinks that's reasonable enough. I wouldn't really expect any guy to be asking for something serious so soon. The other part of me thinks this contradicts his earlier statement about wanting more than just sex?
I have told him that I don't have any real expectations except that if he wants to continue a sexual relationship with me then I expect him to not have sex with other women. (I don't to be part of a harem)
I guess I'm worried he wants a relationship without possibilities, which to me sorta is a casual relationship. I don't want to be someone he picks up whenever he feels like it...or maybe I'm over thinking the whole thing? Confused.
Most Helpful Guy
Geez, it sounds like he is interested in having the rights to you but does not want to deal with you. He wants all the perks of a relationship, but none of the responsibilities or work that comes with it. I don't know, to me he sounds like a player...
I am 21 and am chompin at the bit to meet a nice, attractive girl that wants a relationship. I'm looking for that person that I can spend time with and enjoy being around. All that work and responsibility of treating you right and making you happy because you are his girl, should not matter. If he really likes and cares about you, he won't care and it should not feel like work to him. And for him to have sex with you and say it does not matter or change anything p*sses me off! Sex is a huge deal and if he got it on the second date and then you say you don't really have any expectations for him as far as a serious relationship. You just gave him the free sex pass. He just struck oil and has to do bare minimum to get sex. This is coming from a guy who is not looking for sex though, so hopefully this gives you a different angle.
Personally I would have walked 1,000 miles to give my last girlfriend flowers. I was in love with her and would have almost done anything for her (broke up 6 months ago). We had a couple serious talks about sex. She had been with one guy before and I was a virgin (still am, lol). I told her I wanted to...oh god did I want to! But I said I wanted to wait because I cared about her to much to cheapen it. We also had only been together for three months. Two weeks later she cheated on me and had told a couple big lies and I ended it. I failed my Anatomy class because I stopped showing up because I was so depressed and could not stop thinking about her. I was in love with her and she threw my heart into a blender!
I guess my point is that... if all that can happen because of NOT having sex, then SEX DOES MATTER! Don't settle for being his booty call and do not settle for a guy that wants no strings attached or relationship responsibilities. You deserve better then that, all girls deserve better then that!5
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