She wants to date, I just want friendship. How do I do this without hurting her?

We met online, have had one date so far. I was apprehensive because she is in a wheelchair, but I kept an open mind. We met and she seems OK, and I certainly wouldn't mind being friends, but I have no interest in pursuing a relationship with her (not because of the wheelchair, the chemistry just isn't there) anyway she is really into me because I treat her with respect, while her friends, and even some of her family seem to treat her as less than human due to her disability. After our first date (we didn't actually go anywhere, she was having a party at her place) I agreed to meet her again for lunch the next week. I don't want to lead her on and I want to make things very clear how I feel next time we get together, and I want to do it in a way that minimizes her pain and maximizes the chances she will want to be friends. What is the best way to break it to her? What should I say? When should I say it? I was thinking right away so she doesn't think of it as a romantic date, but then the entire lunch could be awkward. She seems to be very emotional and I can see this going very badly. Please help me! I hate being the bad guy!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay ya that's a sticky one especially because she's probably going to be very sensitive about it am I would say don't go on that date till you ring/text her before hand and make it clear its not a date. Tell her you think she's a great girl and a great friend that you love hanging out with but just as friends. That way she knows its not the fact that she's ina wheelchair , don't say its because your not ready for a relationship right now because you probably will have a girlfriend soon and that will be horrible for her to contemplate if she's your friend , just tell her you just know you are not suited together on a romantic level ,remember your a nice guy who came into her life you don't owe her anything and I bet just friendship would mean a lot to her. Just be honest with her it will hurt her a lot less than leading her on. If it helps introduce her to some of your friends bring them along. I don't know if this helps you sound like a nice guy though so I'm sure you'l figure it out :)

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What Girls Said 1

  • I really wouldn't take her out anywhere and break it to her. I would probably go to her house and do it. You should definitely tell her in person. You don't have to be rude, just be honest and don't feel guilty just because she's in a wheelchair. Girls respect guys more that are actually men and can be honest if they aren't feeling them. The whole "just quit callin crap" is down right crappy. Atleast you have the decency and respect to tell her:) Kudos to you. The best way is to give her a compliment and then the let down...just saying!

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What Guys Said 1

  • I would distance myself and just not talk to her for a bit.

    Need some space so that she figures out you don't want her more than a friendship.

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