Would you date someone you do not find attractive?

He is pretty nice and extremely intelligent. We can have long discussions, for hours at a time. Our fundamental beliefs and values are pretty similar. However, he is pretty socially awkward, people I know say that he is sort of cocky and a bit of a jerk, and I do not really think he is attractive. I don't mind that he is socially awkward because I am as well, and I will give him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to him being cocky or a jerk. My main problem is the attraction thing. I know from experience that it is hard to have a relationship with someone who you are not attracted to, but this guy DOES have quite a lot of redeeming qualities. What do you think?

  • Yes, date this guy, he seems awesome!
    27% (26)18% (12)23% (38)Vote
  • It depends (please elaborate in comments section)
    42% (41)47% (32)44% (73)Vote
  • No, do not date this guy, it is a bad idea (please elaborate in comments section)
    31% (30)35% (24)33% (54)Vote
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Updates:
When I say attractive, I mean purely physically attractive. I am attracted to the rest of him, just not his looks.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm just going off of your general question here: I dated someone that I wasn't physically attracted to. But I was emotionally attracted because we could click, and we had a lot in common. Plus I knew deep down that I would probably fall for him hard, I just wasn't sure about his physical appearance. But I still went out with him and now I've fallen hard. He's everything I want and need, and I am attracted to him physically very much. He's the most attractive guy in my eyes. Emotionally and physically.

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What Guys Said 14

  • Women and men judge based off of 3 criteria.

    1. No way.

    2. Yes way.

    3. Maybe.

    Fortunately for men, there are lots of things that men can do to increase their physical appearance and become a 5 in most women s eyes.

    Most men can do this.

    5 is a maybe.

    And because women judge primarily based off of behavior, a 5 in looks and a "maybe" in that department is enough for women to say yes, depending on the mans behavior.

    For men it works a bit differently.

    For men most women fall in the "maybe" category because most men take what they can get.

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  • You describe him so positively and YET you don't find him attractive?

    It's stuff like this that reminds me I will never truly understand women.

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  • I voted B. If you feel a "spark" that makes you feel really special and passionate about him, something that draws you to him and makes you want to know him more, then date him more--give him a few more chances. But I'm actually now leaning towards C: if you date him and there's no attraction, no "pull", no chemistry, who are you doing it for? Not for him I hope. If you KNOW it's not going to work out, set him free to find a girl who WILL like him for who he is.

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  • Great question, whatever you desire, do it. Is he like a glass of ice cold water you wan't on a hot day or a candy bar that your body doesn't need, you decide.

    By the way on the attraction thing that these other girls say: yes its true.

    But arousal can overcome that ;) If a guy not so attractive but is very very very flirty the first time you see him, he very nice, and has masculine qualities. You 50/50 shot might fall head over heals. But that's if he's that fast pick you guy.

    Other than that if he goes slow with you and there's no flirting, he's f***ed becuase all the girls cared about was attraction, with arousal you can beat that in a very short amount of time. It's like the saying, "you don't know what hit u."

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  • Well, you gotta ask yourself something: "Can you see yourself being happy with him?"

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  • Nope.

    It goes against everything I stand for. We are at our base level.. animals, and we go on instincts and feelings. Like a tractor beem that draws you towards someone. If you don't have those feelings, it's not going to go very well. It's like being forced to watch a TV show you don't like, you are just going to get bitter about the characters etc.

    Relationships can be hard, even WITH the attraction but without it.. it seems doomed.

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    • Whoever thumbs downed me (or what it's called on this site) , maybe you would have preferred if I said that I could date someone just for the money or status or something. I try to put myself on the other side on fit, and I still can't see a good point to it. I would think what are you doing, how is this going to work? Why are you with me if you don't like me? Doesn't sound like much fun.

    • Show All
    • Good point, and later on you want the deeper connection, but I don't understand how you can find that deeper part without being attracted to each other in the beginning? Wouldn't hugging each other feel like hugging your bother or sister? Wouldn't the relationship be built on a foundation of fake feelings? Maybe it's different for other people, I don't know.

    • I was thinking the same thing...well said. I would co-sign this answer.

  • I think that's a very negative way of saying it. I've dated people I didn't find attractive at first, but was interested in them for other factors.

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  • if you do not find him attractive, your never going to,

    your just going to end up hurting him, and its really hard to hear/say that you didn't find him attractive from the start,

    your intentions are good, but remember, it will hurt him in the long run,

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  • I would have to say don't do it. You have to be physically attracted as well as emotionally and intellectually attracted if you want to have a long term relationship with this person. I will hurt saying no, but it will hurt far less than if you break up with him because you are no longer attracted. It is only fair to you both not to do it.

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  • c attraction is important especilly when you hav sex if he fugly that's some bullsh*t for real

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    • He's not fugly, he just looks like a 12 year old

    • He's 5'7'', an inch taller than me (so he says) and definitely weighs way less. he is tiny

    • Haha okaay wtf

  • There needs to be sexual attraction for a relationship to work.. What about when you kiss, f***? etc?

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  • no

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  • Women would. Men wouldn't. Men are only attracted to women based on looks.

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  • You are going to end up hurting him if you date him. It's also a kind of weird combo that he is "socially awkward" and "yet a jerk/cocky". Those 2 don't usually go hand in hand.

    If you date him and he is ATTRACTED to you he will become more forward with his feelings towards you. All fine and dandy if you feel the same. But if you don't...well his openness will repel you.

    Don't waste his time/heart/money by dating him just cause your single and no one else is around. What will eventually happen is you will find someone else you ARE attracted to and will have to split it off with him...leaving him heartbroken. He might even ask the truth at some point and are ready to say "I dumped you because I'm more attracted to someone else". Bad idea...avoid it.

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What Girls Said 23

  • Those are really great qualities and it'll be hard to find that with someone else.. I said "It depends" because sometimes when you get to know someone, they become more attractive to you. It doesn't always happen, but it certainly can. I would say get to know him, and see if you can feel any physical chemistry. But if not, then you are better off as friends, because there needs to be attraction.

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    • Thats totally true, which is why I wanted to kind of see where it would go if I dated him... but I don't know if it is worth it or I would just be kind of freaked out when we did anything physical

    • It depends whether you're willing to risk the friendship you have now, because you usually can't go back to that if it doesn't work out. But if you are willing, it's definitely worth a try. You won't know what would happen unless you try.

  • I think there has to be some kind of attraction, because if there isn't, it really doesn't work out. I used to date this guy back in HS who I found extremely attractive, 10 years later, he is my best friend and now I don't find him the least bit attractive physically but I love him emotionally. I'd totally date him again if I found him attractive!

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  • I tried dating someone that I wan't attracted to because he seemed really smart and nice even if he was a little socially awkward, but it eventually I realized his personality wasn't that great either so his appearance became less easy to overlook, plus now whenever I think of kissing him, its hard not to puke.I won't go into the scientific mumbo-jumbo but attraction is a really important part of dating, I wouldn't settle for someone that doesn't have those qualities. This guy actually sounds a lot like my ex.

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  • If the initial attraction isn't there, it won't ever be. If you don't find him sexually attractive really nothing can change that.

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  • I think it doesn't matter how much you have in common or great he is if you aren't attracted to the other person it just ain't going to happen... a lot of people say oh well looks don't matter but its a lie I mean come on you don't stop and talk to someone because they look like the have a great personality its because you find them attractive. Now I have seen where people don't find the other attractive until after they get to know them. but in ur case you have gotten to know him and if you still are attracted to him then just leave it alone.. girls and guys can JUST BE FRIENDS!

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  • I think if you can overlook the attraction factor then you should date him. But if you think that his appearance will stop you from lets say kissing him, then don't. I feel you asking this question means you like him enough. Also to socially awkward people don't always work out for the best, as far as I've seen.

    I wish you the best of luck though!

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  • Well, I won't say 'don't day this guy' or anything, but think about it: I think it's necessary to exist at least A LITTLE of phisical attraction for the partner, because if you take off the 'chemistry', what do you have? A best guy friend...so, it would be pointless to date.

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  • I believe physical attraction is almost just as important as 'psychological' attraction. Think about it, if you were to get into a stable relationship with this person, would you be able to stay committed after so long? If you did stay committed while being attracted to other people, you'd probably just be holding yourself back from what you really want, deserve, or desire just because you don't want to hurt him. That would be unfair to him and yourself.

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  • i believe you can have a relationship with someone you're not attracted to.. but it seems to me that you are attracted to him.. maybe not his looks, but his personality. I say you give him a chance.

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  • I would not date someone I was not attracted to physically. Guys who you aren't attracted to, but have a lot of stuff in common are friends.

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  • well, the fact that he's a jerk means he's gonna hurt you in the end.

    if it wasn't for that one part, id say sure go for it.

    The thing about dating someone that you don't really find all that attractive, is that once you fall in love with them, its like you can see their inner beauty shinning through.

    its happened to me before, and to this day, id pick him over the most attractive guy on earth.

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  • You shouldn't get with someone just because they're nice or attractive. You should get with someone if you really like them. Ugliness and sweetness aside. Do you like him? Not as a friend, but could you see yourself with him and etc.

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  • Sounds like you're just not feeling a TRUE attraction. Keep talking and see if you fall for him.

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  • it depends on if he is sweet and kind. because I date guys I don't think are cute. but I like there personality.

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  • ive dated people I didn't find attractive, but there personality is what drew me to them. if his personality is digging and he can make you smile I wouldn't care

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  • Depends on whether or not I like him. I've met plenty of not-so-attractive guys that I fell for, as well as several whose personalities reflect their looks, so it depends on how they act toward me.

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  • well, for me.

    it's a b.

    i mean. it's gonna hurt him in the long run if it is not successful.

    (:

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  • I think romantic interest is sparked from physical attraction.

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  • it's hard to actually like someone you're not physically attracted to...i can't do it.

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  • I said No. I dated this guy back in high school that had an awesome personality and everything, just like yours, except I wasn't physically attracted to him. I got so frustrated that he wouldn't kiss me after we dated for a while. But then I realized... I didn't even WANT to kiss him. It wasn't fair to me or him to pursue a relationship that won't go anywhere because I could only see him as a friend. I say keep him as a friend for now. Hope this helps =)

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  • It's up to you, but I couldn't be able to be in a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to. I hate thinking about it because it makes me feel shallow, judgmental, and I feel like I don't give people a chance, but I can't lie to myself and agree that I'd go out with someone I don't find attractive.

    I mean maybe if we knew each-other really well and were friends for a long time and both had it on our minds for awhile and knew it wouldn't screw up our friendship I would probably give it a try because really, it's all for the fun of it in that situation. But it depends on how close you and your guy friend are.

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  • They say its what's on the inside that counts...but if you don't have physical attraction to him...then there will be no chemistry. It will hurt to say no, but you should just move on and be just friends. Let him find a girl who will like him for who he is and has physical attraction to him.:)

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    • This sounds like a good plot for a TV show. After he finds someone, she could get jealous and decide she is attracted to him all of the sudden. Ooooh drama. Jokes aside, agree with what you said.

  • There is no point in dating someone your not attracted to. You would just be settling for that person, and you wouldn't really be happy with them. How can you kiss and have sex with someone you are not physically attracted to? If he has a lot of redeeming qualities then just keep him as a friend or something but you don't have to date him. Do you think he'd be trying to date YOU if he didn't find YOU physically attractive? Just something to think about.

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