Dating someone older?

what are your opinions on dating older people, be it a small age gap, 2-5 years, or a large age gap, like 10-20 or more years. is it right/wrong? why is it right/wrong? so forth and so on...

thank you :)

Updates:
OK so what would be your opinions on an 18 year old dating a 51 year old?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it depends on the situation. Sometimes the age gap causes a lot of problems but it's mostly due to lifestyle differences that could occur in people of the same age also. For example, the older person likes to stay in and watch TV and wants to settle down, but the younger one wants to go out and have fun. But there are people like that of all ages. As long as you're actually compatible I don't see the issue; I for one have always preferred older guys. My problem is that I find myself attracted to men around double my age (I'm 19 and I tend to like guys who are 35-40) but I know it wouldn't work - any guy that age who's normal for that age would see me as childish and I think I'd see him a bit too much like a father, but if he acted a little younger, I'd wonder why he was so 'behind' and get a little turned off. It's just not going to happen, not unless it was a little fling or one-night-stand, and I don't really do those.

    If I'm honest, I think 18-51 is too much. Perhaps there'd be a very rare circumstance where the 18-year-old really is mature enough and they really do get along well, but that's VERY rare. I may be wrong, but I think any guy of that age who wants to date an 18-year-old girl (I'm assuming this is in reference to a 51-year-old man and yourself) is just looking for the youngest girls he can legally get his hands on. Which means either of 3 things: 1) he's learned how to play women over the years and it'll be easy as pie to play you because you're so 'young and naive,' 2) he may honestly be attracted to you and want to be with you but you'll grow up and he'll go looking for the next hot young thing, or 3) both of the above. There's also a huge potential for the whole father thing - if he treats you like a daughter but also sleeps with you and that sort of thing, wouldn't that be a little weird?

    That's my opinion anyway.

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    • You are very wrong for stereotyping older men who date young girls. I could easily say any girl who a dates a guy with cash that 10 or more year older than her is a gold digger who want to just want to with have cash. there is no such such as a true stereotype. although the 3 things you mentioned do definitely happen somtimes.

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    • If he treats you like his daughter I would find it more than a little weird.

    • Okie Tigerlily you just said Quote: [Similarly, lots of girls who'll date older guys are just in it for the cash. And I say that as a girl who loves older guys but isn't in it for the cash.] But have you read all her comments. She loves this older guy and isn't in it for th cash either. So basically you just called her a gold digger when she said exactly what you did. She has things in common with him. And she says Quote:[dating someone for money is about the stupidist thing you could do!]

What Guys Said 18

  • This debate always amazes me.

    When you youngsters get a bit more experience behind you, you're going to realize you rarely get to pick who you really love.

    Love isn't a switch you just flick on or off. If that were the case don't you think it would be easier to get over a failed relationship? Don't you think you could quit thinking about someone who doesn't feel the same way you do?

    Im 50, she's almost 27. We have been married a bit over 6 years. We dated...nothing physical beyond hugging or kissing for the first year. That was my choice. Sex is sex, I don't care how you choose to rationalize it. I wanted to be sure this was about a real connection.

    Sure she benifits from my wealth...but it's not material wealth she values.

    ALL of her friends and family were dead set against us at first. I think there would have been physical threats, but I have 12 years in the arts, and fear no man.

    Ask them now and they will all say I the best thing that has ever happened to her. She has gone from a woman lacking in anything resembling direction, self worth, or dreams, to a human dynamo. Our relationship with her parents is wonderful. Her dad is now counted among my best friends. Her friends are still amazed at the changes, and for the most part love visiting us.

    I have changed as much as she has. I have rediscovered my faith in humanity. My belief in absolute honesty has been requited.

    Those things alone make what I do so much more fulfilling, and allow a prespective that is helping clients in ways I was only able to give lip service to in the past.

    If that was all there was to it it would be enough...but there is so much more.

    Why is age not a problem? Because we are IN love each other.

    Get past your superficial views of what a relationship is, then come back and talk about it.

    If you really love him, and he really loves you, go for it. Be open and honest with each other. You each bring things to your relationship that will enrich the others life. If you are both there for the right reason, it doesn't matter what the rest of the world thinks.

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    • She must think of her kids also, would your kid be able to show you he just finished high-school, Would you be able to be at his wedding ?

    • That is assuming there would be kids. My wife never wanted kids. Years later she has said the thought....only the thought appeals to her.... and it's something we have talked about. We didn't, and still don't intend to have any.

  • 0-5 years Non-issue up to 40

    10 years Non issue 40+

    15 years Workable 60+

    Men sometimes naturalize foreign born (Asian) women 30+ years younger, but serial marriage is understood, where the Spring Chicken becomes widowed and marries again after the old gent dies. Seems doubtful but I personally witness that working. My Asian wife is only -10 but some I know are -30.

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  • Age differences use to mean so little, where now even a few years is an issue for many people. I know that when 44 year old Bogart and 19 year old Bacall fell in love, if was a different time. Generally speaking, I think that during the teen years, even a year or two can make a big difference, especially say like 14/15 and 17/18. But it should be up to the people involved once everyone is over 21. Sure, there are some practical reasons for choosing someone close to your age, such as raising a family or life expectancy or everyday generational differences. Not all relationships lead to marriage or having children, but are just part of our growing experience as we expand our understanding. I would tend to think that someone who had made it all the way to say, their thirties without being seriously attracted (and or tempted) by someone both a lot younger and older (at least 10 years or more) may be kind of shallow, or at least close minded. A woman in her twenties and thirties who refuses to date an older man, or a middle-aged man who only chases after young girls are doing themselves a great disservice. By widening their criteria, they may find someone special where they least expected them.

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  • Date who you want. The minute you start letting other people's opinions interfere with your personal life you're doomed to unhappiness in that sphere. Keep your own counsel when it comes to dating; it's the only opinion that truly matters.

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  • Obviously, legally, it doesn't matter so long as both are over 18. In my personal opinion, I'm against the pairing of a much older man with a younger woman. I believe this usually happens cause men (not all) like to take advantage of the lack of experience the girl has. The younger the girl is, the easier it is to manipulate her into believing he is her world. It happens time and time again.

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  • The older you are the less the gap matters. A few years really does not matter. My dad is about 7 or 9 years older than my mother, and they got married when she was about 21. My mother sometimes say the she married too young, but they are still married today.

    BUT 18yo dating 51yo is taking it a bit too far! Beware the the old man is just playing you for some selfish fun. He might expect things from you that you are not yet ready to give.

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  • dony matter as long as you love them and they love you shouldnt matter at all.

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  • My last girlfriend was four years older than me. I now have a thing for moderately older women (10 years older is my limit). The updated age difference is far too old for my taste

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  • I think it doesn't matter, I mean there's no rule. It can be the greatest relationship ever or the biggest fail of your life.

    I think age doesn't matter in BOTH WAYS (dating younger guys also)

    I heard from some women that their sexually aroused by older men and also older men have bigger influence over a girl because of their age

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  • For me, I think older than 6 years is pushing it. 18 to a 51 year old is just wrong. I'm not saying you can't love someone that old or young, just not as a relationship. More as a friend or fatherly/motherly thing. 1-5 is all right. 6-10, kinda strange, but tolerable. 11-X is completely wrong to me.

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  • Age is a number mainly my mom was 12 years younger than my dad...but I won't date under 21

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  • I personally think an age gap is a problem as long as you are happy with the person. Hope this helps.

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  • five years isn't that long but over that is too much.

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  • I'm seeing someone who is 6 years older then me and its great. I really enjoy being around her and can just be myself. To me age is only a number but I think there are limits as to how old or how young. That being said if you're happy then surely that's all that matters.

    Just make sure you are happy.

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  • If you are dating an older guy he has worked longer, usually has a home, car and money to spend on you...thats what it has to do with it... if you date a guy your age you will end up doing in your room or his or on the back seat of a car, his if you are lucky maybe his parents if you are not...

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  • If he has a lot of money its ok apparantly, bit like Anna Nicole Smith and the Billionare husband over 60 years age difference...

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    • What does money have to do with it!!!?

  • I really want to date a girl that is around 25-27 and I am 21 since the girls my age are way to immature.

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    • That's curious, normally it's the other way around. So how come?

    • Because I am more mature than the girls my age. All they want to do is party and I want a real relationship. Plus they are too shallow and don't have the right priorities yet. It's not until 25+ that girls start to realize their priorities have been wrong this whole time and start to mature.

    • I am 21 myself and find a lot of people my very immature especially girls

  • I prefer being with a woman that's older because its more of a turn on. I think its weird seeing an 18year old with a 51 year old. Also I'd think that woman is just after the old geezer's money. I also think she's easy to get with because you just need to have money. Its nice that the old guy is getting with someone young just before he dies. I think it would be funny to see the old guy pass out while having sex with the young woman.

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What Girls Said 23

  • I've been in relationships with men older than me and now the guy I am with is younger than me. So clearly I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

    The only issue I've ever run across with the age thing is that the younger person thinks differently than the older person. It's not a maturity thing. There is just something in their thinking that shows their age. There are times I roll my eyes at some of the things my partner says. He is very mature. He acts older than me most of the time. But there is something that comes with age that doesn't have anything at all to do with maturity. You slow down, you think about things differently, so sometimes he says stuff and I think "Oh that's right, you haven't gotten to that stage in life yet!" There is no way any older person doesn't have those moments with a younger person. It would be like an 18 year old spending time with a 13 year old. There is just something different in the thinking.

    It's like this site. I can tell someone's age without clicking on their profile to see it. I can tell by how they answer questions. The thinking is different in someone who is 18 or 20 or 22. The people on this site who are in that age range fight more, they are more emphatic about their belief system, they believe what they have said is completely and utterly right simply because age hasn't proven them wrong enough yet. You don't see that with many of the older people. This is something I have had to realize about my past relationships where I was the younger one. It made me realize why sometimes the older person acted like I was a child in the relationship. It's not that you think they are a child. It's just that there is something about their thinking that makes you chuckle and go "Ah, I remember when I was like that!" You don't mean it to be mean. You just know that one day things will change for them. I can't wait till my partner gets to my age and I can say "Hey remember when you said this!" and he can just shake his head about it.

    You will do it too I'm sure. I shake my head at about 99% of the things I did or said when I was younger.

    Besides that, I haven't noticed any differences in a relationship with an age gap and one that doesn't. I mean there are things like someone wanting kids and someone not wanting them yet, money issues, and stuff like that but I haven't personally had too much problem with that. The way a younger person thinks is the only thing I have ever had an issue with.

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  • An 18 year old and 51 year old? Not my cup of tea. Shouldn't be anyones cup of tea. I think a 2-20 year gap is okay but varies by age. Like a 16 year old and a 26 is okay...its new era and mature teenage boys are hard to find. And like a 20 year old and a 40 year old is okay both are mature ages. Age is just a number and I believe in the "soulmate principle": everyone has a soulmate. Soulmates come in all ages, ethnicities, shapes and sizes. Love is not an emotion we can control and when it comes for you you better not let it go because you probably won't find another no matter what age. There are many relationships and couples that are great and probably the best because of the age differences which makes the couples really opposites...hey opposites attract.

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  • I don't think it it wrong at all. Age shouldnt matter in a relationship, attraction should. My mum and dad had 20years difference in the age gap and my mums boyfriend who is like a father to me is 16years older to her. I really think that age doesn't matter

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    • It does matter why aren't your parents still together is it because he did more older things then her like sitting around not going any where or did he like young girls to in your mom got to old just asking a question is all I see she went a little younger 16 years difference

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    • Bet you suspected they split up because she was after his money...you really don't see that times are changing.

    • She wasnt after the money, my mum is a good woman and that isn't the reason they split

  • I think some people date older people because they are more mature than people their age or they don't relate well with people their age as well so there is nothing wrong with dating someone older in some cases. But in other cases younger people can be more easily influenced and manipulated by older people in a relationship if they aren't mature enough so it would not be safe at all which is why if you're younger its against the law to date someone over a certain age.

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    • I would be concerned about the 51 year olds motives?? The 51 year old has experienced so many things in life that the 18 year old hasn't experienced yet. So I would think that an 18 year and 51 year far too great of an age difference because the generations are so far apart and the 18 year would miss out so much to commit to a person that age it wouldn't be right....

    • Ok lets put some numbers to my sentence now if the girl was 21 and the guy was 51 at least she is old enough to drink in take out to a bar but when it gets younger then that I would be concerned about the guys motives is all am saying

  • It depends how old are u? and how old is the guy you are dating, wanting to date? I mean in general ..some parents or some culture oppose of their Childern Dating someone that is like older then them.

    So I guess it all depends on you. I dated a few older guys because I'm more drawn to Maturity in males both of my brothers are like 20 years older then I. So I enjoy to have like Intellectually Conversation and enjoy learning from them.. but some older males might use a younger girl..

    ..It doesn't matter the age gap..as long as you feel like you like them..and they like you back...

    but ..i mean if one is 18 and dating a 30 year old or like a 27 year old...I mean I'd say "ehh"..- be careful.. ..

    there is no right or wrong...

    I Mean I wouldn't date a 35 or 40 year old because then that's kinda like dating a dad/ brother.. .. .. so yea

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    • That's what am saying but if she feels like she wants to date him don't waste your time not getting nothing out of the relationship look at Anna Nicole that old ass wrinkled man in a wheel chair come on now what else did he want from Anna so she got paid in not just laid wake up sleeping beauty this is not your prince

  • dating is dating, if you like the guy/girl go for it. but just to give you a heads up... you may run into issues like, her/him treating you differantly due to the age gap, tham having waayy more life experience than you, and your family not understanding why you went above and beyond the norm. if these things are not a problem for you then live in the moment, enjoy your selfs!

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  • I believe its completely fine. I prefer older guys just for the maturity. Go for it!

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    • You prefer older guys go for it how about you date your dad do you think she still should go for it I can understand you guys like the maturity you guys are not as mature as you may think if you are under 21 do you pay bills do you have your own place come on what is maturity to you guys the way someone talks please guys just get a college guy who is doing well in school in he can speak the same way just not have the same things as an older guy has (Money) so money or conversation

    • Maturity is earned by experience, not by age...

  • oh hell no your crazy unless he/she is wealthy and I mean wealthy not rich there's a difference. Why do I say this because older people are set in their ways am dating a 50 year old right now and am 39 and he drives me crazy. Am up there in age as well so it's ok for me I can deal with it even if he is not wealthy but if I was still a young vibrant women like your self I wouldn't waste my time only if he was wealthy, and had good credit because then he can invest some of that good credit in me like buying me a car, an apartment so on and so forth am not a gold digger just a realist keep it real or keep it moving use that motto.

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    • Wow, can we say gold digger!!! wtf

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    • Hahahahaha I gave you +1 cause you said your man is driving you crazy! That cracked me up!

      I know you aren't endorsing gold digging. I know what you mean. But I know what you mean cause I've seen enough women be thrown out of their own homes by a man who had it together when she didn't.

    • I love this argument keep it up its very interesting...SIS21703 would you like to rebuttle. Seems like its two---no three against one here. This site could be a debate site haha....yeah I'm an instigator.

  • I think age is just a number and you can't help who you like or fall in love with.

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  • personally prefer older guys. I don't think I would consider like 10 or 15 years older because a lot of the times the older party can become very controlling, feel superior in many ways, and possibly talk down to and belittle the younger party. This goes for older male/younger female and older female/younger male. The both are sometimes in different periods of their lives and should live at their own pace not adjust to the other's. These type of relationships are tricky, that's why I'd stick to maybe a 5 year difference max. Unless you two are at the same place, mentally, emotionally, even financially, just on the same page.

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  • I would never date a 51 year old man. And why would he want to date an 18 year old? Their still children. That's gross. I can do one to five years older. but anything over that is not what's hott.

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  • That won't right for a 18 year older dating a 51 years old man? Sometheing must be wrong with that 51 years man? He can't find a woman his own age ?

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  • i WOULD THINK VERY VERY CAREFULLY,NOTHING WRONG WITH AGE GAP RELATIONSHIPS BUT IN MY EXPERIENCE THEY RARELY WORK LONG TERM. I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 20 YRS WITH SOMEONE 18 YRS AGE GAP BUT EVENTUALLY IT ENDED ----NOT TO SAY IT CANNOT WORK---LOTS DO.

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  • i have friends who are married...shes 21 and he's 38. but I think if you double your age and theyre still older then you might run into some problem areas.

    if you're serious about the relatioship...just think if you still wanna be having sex with them in 20 years...you're probably good to go. if you think ewwww...then its not right

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  • The only thing that would matter is if the person was of legal age of consent. Age is just a number really so it shouldn't matter at all. As long as they are two consenting adults.

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  • I think it's okay. I probably would never "seriously" date someone much older or younger than me though. I think it would almost always be doomed.

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  • I think it is more about what age group they're in than the difference than yeas. For example, I think it is wrong for 12 year old to date a 17 year old. But I wouldn't think it was wrong for a 25 to date a 30 year old. Another example, it would be wrong for 5 year old to date a 15 year old, but it wouldn't be wrong for a 50 year old to date a 60 year old. It isn't about a certain amount of years, but more about what age group the people are in.

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  • when you fall in love, you aren't like, "oh, man, oops, I can't love you, you're too old!" it just happens. it's natural to fall in love. so when you find that special someone, it's not like you can just be like, "oooo nope sorry, too old."

    it doesn't really matter the age gap as long as both people feel safe, and no one is pressured into doing anything. obviously, if there is danger in the situation, it is definitely not okay. but if it really is that special person, and you have that special connection, then personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

    I know there are a lot of points on either side of this debate, but, sometimes, you just have to follow your heart, and not let age ruin your relationship; it's nothing but a number.

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  • There is no right or wrong to this question really age matter less the older we get. Often times it's hard for two people who are far apart in age to realte to each other try tend to be in different parts of their life. My man is 29 I'm 22 the age differece matters very little to us but when he first asked me out I was 16 ( I look old for my age) he was 23 we were in different stages in life I was in high school he was working full time.

    My thoughts of an 18 year old dating a 50 years old is that what could they have in common an 18yo is just starting life learnin to live without parents maybe looking for a real long term relationship then later moving on to marrage and children. A 50yo is done with all this an is usally interested in grandchildren they've already made all the big decisions in life and now can sit back and see what happens weather the choice was to have children or a million others they are in the autum if their live I fail to see how they could relate to some one just starting te journey of theirs.

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  • Well I see nothing wrong with it if you love the person I am currently dating my friends dad he's 18 years oder then me I'm 23 he's 41 his daughter is happy for us my kids love him and he loves them age doesn't matter

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    • I'm happy for you too...you're living proof that it doesn't matter the age as long as you love them:)

    • He asked me to marry him, I said yes, he doesn't want a woman his age they are boring and tired all the time and well I'm energetic like him he's 41 and I'm 23 so what we are both higly energetic people he's a martial arts teacher and is very active in his social life.

  • I love dating older guys..they're more appreciative of women..but as for an 18 year old dating a 51 year old? When you're that young, why would you waste all of that on an old man? I'm all for older guys..but not that old.

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  • depends what the age is but obviously he or she would have to be legal. I was 18 when I met a guy who was 29. But sometime I do think its still wrong because most young men or women under over 18 but under 21 are usually manipulated because they are still young and still have less experience.

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    • 18 and 29 is a little different then 18 and 51 and trust me this relationship she is going to be in with a 51 year old is going to be totally manipulated because of her lack lack of experience come on 51 think ladies he is probably older then her father let''s see is he older then your dad tell the truth in what do your parents think about your relationship young lady

    • Actually 2 months younger than my father, lol. and my folks don't know about it, but I know my mother would be ok with it cause she understands me.

  • My boyfriend is 7 years older than I am. I'm 23 and he's 30...which to me is a really really big age gap. Not just in terms of numbers. But I'm in grad school, still working on my degree while he's been done with school for a while now and working. I'm thinking about traveling before getting a real job and he's house hunting. I can be found at the club downtown on a friday night while he can be found at a home with a book and a movie. He's over the phase I'm going through because he experienced it all already. At this point, he's ready to get married and have kids while I'm nowhere near wanting that anytime soon. It is difficult simply because we are looking for different things right now, but I really believe that with a little bit of compromise on both of our ends, the relationship could work regardless of an age difference.

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    • 7 years difference is nothing imagine the young lady we are talking about you talk about your 30 year old man being this way imagine a 51 year old man with an 18 year old girl she might think she is ready to settle down but why wast her life like that right now she should just be having fun hanging out with friends going to parties finishing college hopefully she is in college instead of worrying about a 51 year old man if you are not in school maybe that's where you need to be in those books

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    • There's noting wrong with going out with the girls on a Friday night. Don't be such a prude. Alcohol isn't a bad thing as long as you limit yourself....and I'm nowhere near being an alcoholic. I work hard but I also know how to have fun

    • YO! Ho! I wasn't being a prude and I was defintely not talking about you,hell I drink alcohol! Dang,you get offended easily hahaha but no worries. I've been having girls nights since 8th grade,wait a minute I was responding to SIS21703 not you. Mind ya businesss that's all just Mind ya business hahaha. cheer up girl it's okay

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