Do women realize that dating for guys is tougher than dating for girls?

I don't want to be another lonely whining guy on here. This website is full of them.

However just a few weeks ago I went on a mountain hike with my little sister who has been dating a guy for 2 years. Being the homecoming queen she has never had trouble finding a boyfriend. The only thing she has to put up with me is my cracking some skulls of guys I don't like who tried dating her...haha.

However she brought up the painful question "why don't you have a girlfriend" and "you should be feeling lonely". She meant well but she was rubbing salt in the wound. I'm close to 30 and I've only been in 2 semi serious relationships. I'm had a fair share of women in bed, but nobody I could bring home to the folks.

It's extremely embarrassing...and yes I want a serious girlfriend. I actually AVOID talking to relatives to avoid hearing this question. I worry people think there is something wrong with me. I'm a heterosexual normal guy. .

I feel like I have the attitude "I need a girlfriend" it will come off as needy/lonely only making things look worse.

Here is the thing. Do you women realize how much more difficult it is for a decent looking single guy to find a serious girl than the other way around? You women like guys who are already in the relationship (which is SO ass backward).

There is nothing wrong with me. But I feel like if I "appear to be looking for a gf" it will make me LESS likely to be able to score a decent girl. I HATE this double standard. It is, what it is though.

I just want to know one thing. Do you girls realize this? Can you understand what is like for a single guy? It's not the same situation as a single women looking for boyfriend. Can you understand that?

Updates:
Alright...this post doesn't have a clear question. Here is my question "should I act like I DON'T NEED A GIRLFRIEND or even LIE about having one to make myself appear less needy?". If I came clean and actually admitted to a single female out there
that I really am looking for a serious girlfriend would it make me look needy and HURT MY CHANCES?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm about your age and I can tell you this... don't let other people get to you. There are so many single people out there and there are many miserable people in relationships!

    Just play the field, go out and when someone comes along you find more interesting than the others, make the appropriate gestures that you want to be serious with her. I'm not into online dating so I try to go to singles events in my area. Its a good way to meet women and its also good to sharpen your conversation skills.

    As for your sister. She sounds like the type who has had everything go her way her entire life. Big brother to protect her, guys always asking her out, etc. I would tell her what I tell other people who ask me why I'm single - "I haven't met the right one and I won't settle for anything less."

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    • Good answer bro

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    • Also, friend me already and send me links to a few cheesy songs. I need to update my playlist now that boomboxes and mixed tapes are not accepted devices to take out in public. Sigh.

What Girls Said 6

  • First off, we can't all be homecoming queens, so it's actually NOT easy for the rest of us to date -- AT ALL. I have to avoid being set up by friends and relatives all the time, the annoying reminder that I will ultimately die alone... Ugh.

    Your sister's just REALLY lucky -- she's definitely not the standard/average girl's experience, lol.

    Next, why should you be embarrassed to be single? You're a responsible guy who hasn't left a trail of children and failed marriages in your wake, right? I'd say that's a pretty rare thing in this day and age.

    Next, YES, if you start yearning for a girlfriend, no matter how cool or great you are you'll give off that needy vibe. Just breathe. Don't think about how old you are. Don't think about how long it's been since you had sex or were in a relationship. You are a vital guy NOW. Get out there, keep yourself involved in interesting activities, and you will ultimately be where you want to be in life. Really.

    NO, there is NOTHING wrong with you. Silly.

    Alright, Anonymous 30, that's all the free therapy you get, lol. You'll be FINE. Just breathe. A *lot* of us are in the same boat. Just remember to keep rowing. ;-)

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    • good timing. Just found one my ex's is married and pregnant.

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    • All yours. I'm going to go scavenge for Twizzlers and head out to the beach.

    • Meanwhile, take this to go with the pick: link

  • initially I'd say it's tougher for you since, since the vast majority of girls feel it is the guy's job to initiate everything, but I don't expect the guy to do the pursuing and chasing all the time

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  • There's nothing needy or desperate about wanting a girlfriend.

    It's about how far you take it.

    As long as you make a conscious effort towards getting one, without letting it take over your life, you'll be golden.

    =)

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  • sorry that I'm being way off topic but this it way to long...

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    • You're not off topic....there is just no topic at all! HA.

  • every girl is not a homecoming queen. its hard for a lot of us girls to find a genuine guy that truly cares about us and wants to be faithful. especially when most guys are busy having fun, or they like some other girl that's not you. you are focusing on how hard it is for you, that you trivialize and oversimplify everyone else's struggle like its so easy out here for us. no it's not. I've been single for a long time because every guy I run into is either a man whore, a player, or is interested in another girl, or has baggage, or has a bad mentality, or I'm not attracted to him...especially where I live, there is a girl to guy ratio of 3:1 so its hard for a girl to find a decent guy that's not either already in a relationship or just wants to sleep around. so yeah, not exactly a picnic over here either lol

    my advice for you is to try and relax. we girls are pretty intuitive, we can tell if a guy is desperate and its a turn off. focus on going out, meeting new people, hanging out with your friends, getting involved in things that you enjoy. meet a lot of different girls and get to know them all so you can see what you like. don't just get a girl for the sake of having a girlfriend. there is nothing wrong with wanting a girlfriend and I think its fine to tell a girl you are looking for something more substantial, just don't get tunnel vision and only focus on 1 girl when you could be meeting a bunch and narrowing it down from there. good luck

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  • I can't understand that, and I don't believe that. If you wanted a girlfriend, there are plenty of women who get dumped or left to feel like a low life because the guy they were seeing just said "I'm not looking for that kind of relationship" Do you know how many guys do that to girls? At least it sounds like you aren't lying to them just to get in their pants. I can't fathom the idea that it would be THAT hard for a single guy to actually TELL the TRUTH to a girl for once, and be called a whiny ass. If you are seeing a girl, and you feel that it could go somewhere, then you should tell her. A decent girl would never turn you down for your honesty, but a girl who just wants to play and mess around would probably turn you down.

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    • Yeah but seriousness is REAL turnoff for both women who are looking for a real relationship and obviously those who are looking to just play around. It seems like they are turned on by the "challenge" of getting the guy to become serious with them.

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    • Sorry...typo. I would NOT get serous with a single mom. However I would be up front from the get go about it.

    • Well at least you're honest :)

What Guys Said 2

  • just tell them your gay

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    • Dude you are a tough guy for saying that. Never would have guessed you are 18.

    • No problem man

  • well there are statistically more girls than guys in this country by far. If you take out all the girls that are taken, too old, too ugly, too young, it still leaves a hell of a lot.

    Obviously not being needy is a good start at getting a girlfriend, pretty hard to enjoy your time with someone when your staking your whole future and mental health on it, it's like playing chess with trap doors and guns...

    If all else fails you can marry someone from over seas, if your racist then I can't help you but...

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    • Actually you are quite right about dating foreign women. I have been to southeast asia. Lot easier out there (not hookers thank you). BTW I'm not racist...I own a color tv

    • Just marry an asian girl then and say a big "f*** you" to all the silly women that turned you down here.

    • Word bro

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