Why do so many women (and men) expect men to pay for dates and activities? How can I date around this problem?

I am a 25 year old college student who is really fed up with dating. I am tired of taking girls out on dates, dishing out money, and worst of all having the relationship go nowhere. It is something I don't feel comfortable doing even if the relationship went somewhere. I feel as if I am paying for a woman's time and that is just not right!

I see a lot of woman answer these questions with "well the man should pay for the first date" or "whoever asks should pay", which is pretty convenient since honestly, how often do women ask men out on dates?

Paying for a woman was expected in a time when women did not work and they relied on the support of a man, and clearly this time is dead. Why are men still expected to carry these tasks? If we do not we are many times ridiculed and classified as cheap, immature, etc.

I am a retired model who has gone back to school. I am not tight on money but have no present income. I feel I am good looking, intelligent, caring, and deserve the same respect and treatment that I give to a woman.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • because women only believe in equality only when it suits them

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What Girls Said 5

  • I hate dating. I like to kind of be friends with a guy and getting to know him first. As far as dates, I don't mind free dates. I like to do things like go for a walk or cook together.

    When I'm friends with a guy, I don't expect him to pay for everything and I don't mind going dutch. Actually I feel like it's kind of creepy when a guy is paying for everything because it sort of implies he's trying to buy my affection.

    The only time I really want a guy to spend a little on me is if he really has a lot more money than me. And I don't accept expensive gifts or anything, I just mean like paying for a sandwich or something. And if I have a lot more money than a guy, I will spend on him, too.

    So I mean if a guy asks me out on an actual dinner date, then yeah I do expect him to pay, but honestly I probably won't even seriously consider a relationship with such a guy, weird as that sounds. I would rather meet a guy and hang out. Usually, I like to take turns paying for meals.

    The only dates I've been on, I usually end up buying the guy at least a drink or something just to show I'm not trying to use him as a wallet.

    I think paying for stuff is something a guy can do for a girl he really likes, but otherwise, don't do it if you don't want to. Just ask girls to do free stuff. Or tell them how you feel about this from the start. If a girl agrees with you, maybe she's more likely to be a keeper.

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    • Do you expect him to lead and make the decisions all the time?

    • No, I like to decide things together. He might have some good ideas I'll like, but I like to be able to come up with ideas, too. It has to be at least somewhat of a two way street to be any kind of decent relationship.

  • me and my boyfriend go half and half I do dinner he does move and we alternate driving, a guy shouldn't pay for everything its not fair and would just make you broke lol

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  • What I think, is to suggest dates that don't cost money, because the money you spend shouldn't matter to a girl. Take her on a picnic, or (if you want to do a group date thing) plan a barbecue with friends and just hang out! Hope that helps:]

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  • Dont go on a date, oh wait...you can get one...so why are you worrying? :P

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  • date "empowered" "independent" women with more feminist/equality leanings, these kind of girls will usually go dutch or even pay for you.

    or date women that kind of have low self esteem and feel lucky that you're asking them out.

    me personally yes I do expect men to pay for a date. it shows chivalry and shows that you take seeing me more seriously and are putting effort into it. I'm sorry if you don't like it, there are different strokes for different folks. if I am just starting to see a guy I think he should pay, but when he becomes my boyfriend things become more even and I'll pay or he pays no big deal. I don't believe that men and women are the same, we're different and I'm not one of your friends so don't treat me like it.

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    • No thanks. I have come to the recent conclusion just to use women.

What Guys Said 1

  • Go on dates that don't require money. Take a walk around town, go for a bike ride, hit the mall and go looking at stuff, have lunch and a casual game of chess, watch a movie at home, play video games, go stargazing, and I could go on with this. You don't have to conform to dinner and a movie. If a girl expects you to spend a bunch of money on her on the first date (especially when you have no income), then she's probably not worth taking out in the first place. But that's life- you win some, you lose some.

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