Girls: How important are the friends of a guy in your life?

1. Would friends be a main characteristic in choosing a guy ?

2. Would you base your assumptions about the guy on his friends or on his personality ?

3. Do you care more about the guy or about his circle of friends

Please be honest

Updates:
Let's say you are respected by your friends. The thing is me and my friends are so different from each other. But we are still friends and trust each other. If he is my friend doesn't mean I think like him.

I see, so it doesn't matter only who you are, everything around you matters... ;)







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Most Helpful Girl

  • A guy should have friends, I am not going to date an insular guy. We also learn a lot about you from the type of friends you have (I'm not talking about asking your friends for information about you directly, lol!).

    A guy needs a best buddy or two - who will be there for him through thick and thin, and he will do the same for his friends. A guy also needs a set of good friends for socialising and having fun with and living life to the full. And a guy needs a wider circle of friends to enrich his life - and this should have no barriers on age, gender, etc, like a mentoring type role. He can be both mentor and "mentee" (if such a word exists!).

    However all the above are ideals perhaps and in reality it doesn't always work out like that. At any rate, I would never let his friends dictate how I choose a guy and my choice would always be led by the personality of the guy - though as I said above, we can tell a lot by the company you keep!

    So to answer your questions:

    1: No,

    2: Personality, and

    3: Absolutely and only the guy. However, the younger you are, the more important that the circle of friends is. Once you go past a certain age you stop caring (unless they are there all the time when we want to you to ourselves, lol!)

    BTW, if you are totally different from your friends then more credit to you. If anyone thinks that you should be the the same as others just because you've chosen them as your friends, that is one very shallow attitude. How boring to be the same as others, who wants to be same-same when original is so much better? We love that you can keep friendships with different types of people and remain yourself. That is pretty special.

    [ohh, sorry it's such a long answer!]

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    • "We love that you can keep friendships with different types of people and remain yourself. That is pretty special. "

      Wow, so beautiful words, I wish everyone was like that...

What Girls Said 31

  • 1. Would friends be a main characteristic in choosing a guy ?

    Think about it. There are only one thing you can't choose in life. Which is fate. Because of course you can't choose your Mom, your Dad, your sisters, your brothers, uncles and aunts. But friends, you can choose. So of course all girls would have some judgments of the friends of their boyfriend either if they admit it or not. But to me, it really depends what type of guy the "boyfriend" is. Think about it. If the boyfriend is known to be a conformist, especially to the people of his society. Then I'm sure if he have some drug dealing friends, it would affect that boyfriend and wouldn't make him a perfect guy to date. You get my point right?

    2. Would you base your assumptions about the guy on his friends or on his personality ?

    Who the hell cares about assumptions? I don't. He can have gangster friends who have tattoos and piercings all over their bodies or maybe friends that are in love with Lady Gaga. But seriously, who cares?! I'm not dating his friends. I'm dating him. HIM! Its his looks that attracts me and his personalities that grabs on to me. There's no such things as bad assumptions when you know someone really well. So let that girl know you really well! And then you can go have jackasses as friends or even gay friends for all she cares!

    3. Do you care more about the guy or about his circle of friends?

    Okay, so who am I dating? The guy or the friends? If I'm dating the guy, who cares about his circle of friends? But of course it would feel awkward if they hate me or something. But that's going to be their problems because GUESS WHAT? I'm sticking to him! Now in their face! Muwahhahahaha! (J/K!)

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  • I think friends play a role in a relationship ! I was with a guy who had no friends and he would be with me all the time,initially it was all great but than it got hard,caz me being an outgoing person wasn't tolerated by him. Eventually he made me quit my friendships ! Hence if a guy has friends he knows how friends are and what importance they play.

    I wouldn't judge a guy by his friends but I would judge him by the behavior he has when he's with them. His behavior in general and with me.

    Of course my guy comes first ! but yes I would also care to be friendly with his friends.

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  • a guy's friends are important. friends help you to build your character but if you have sh*tty friends but you don't stand up to them then they'll never respect you and that says a lot about you to me. it is hard sometimes not to judge you by what type of friends you have. the saying is "show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are" then there is the twist that says "...and I''ll tell you your future". so some people might automatically make assumptions or aspersions of you based on your friends. friends aren't always the main characteristic when choosing a guy but it does influence your choice...who wants to be in a relationship with a guy when his friends are constantly attacking you from all sides...who wants a relationship with a guy who's friends have more say in your relationship than you do...who wants to be in a relationship where the guy tells his friends everything and the girl barely anything at all. You go into a relationship caring more about the guy than his friends (hopefully there are some girls who do it the other way around) but it depends on how the relationship progress that determines how the state of things (whether you care more about the guy or more about his friends) end.

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  • 1. no

    2. his personality but I will take his friends into consideration

    3. def the guy, but if his friends are jerks or something, it's not going to impress me, or if they are super nice, I'll think more of the guy

    Basically, this is about extremes for me. If a guy's friends are extremely awful, it will influence my opinion of him, like wtf is he doing with friends like that? If they are extremely great, I'll think he must be pretty cool to have good friends like that. If they are just average then it's not going to influence me much.

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  • No, the friends of a guy would not be a determining factor on whether or not to be with a particular guy. And it shouldn't be. After all, I would be dating HIM not his friends. I am an above-average in the non-judgmental department, so NO I do not make assumptions of how a guy is by the actions/behavior of his friends. In saying all of this I can tell you honestly that I would care more about the guy than his circle of friends.

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  • Well, my friends are different from me too and I know that friendship is about being there for each other - so as long as his friends don't bother me as his girl, I don't care.

    It is most important to me that he HAS friends in the first place, I don't really care about them, as long as they don't bother me or make him do criminal or unhealthy stuff.

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  • 1. OF COURSE! :D

    2. yes but that's just human nature. sometimes you can help it

    3. both. if they guy is great but his friends are jerks its gunna be hard to really get to know the guy when all your thinking about is " can you get new friends? " however. if the guy can stand up for a girl when his friends are being annoying the guy def gets some bonus points :D

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  • I think you can always derive something from a persons friends. Even if they are completely different, you can still try to work out why their friends are different to them, and why they don't have similar friends. Personally, if I meet a guys friends, I can not only find out a little more about him by observing them, but also I can learn more from observing his interactions with them and the reverse.

    I care more about a guy than his circle of friends. However, if a guys friends are getting in between our relationship and causing problems and he doesn't care, I will probably abandon the relationship. He likely chose those friends and is choosing to stand by those friends because they are important to him. If I try to fight with them, even if I win, I will have lost because he will feel that I am rejecting a part of him, and this will damage the way he reacts to me and my friends also.

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  • 1. not at all.

    2. Not at all.

    3. Definitly more about the guy.

    But it's very important to be friends with the friends, because one of them might be the best man at my wedding some day. It would be nice to know that when he is planning the bachlore party, everything is fine by me

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  • It is very important to me that the guy I am with has friends not a lot a few good ones is fine but a few. They would never be the main reason or whatever for me choosing him though. I would base a few assumptions about the guy based on his friends I think it can sometimes say a lot. Like if you know his friend is a player I will usually think he is too. BUT if he has a good conversation with me my first impression always overrules any assumptions I may have had. I care more about the guy...his friends don't really mean anything to me at all...in the beginning at least. I definitely don't go around looking to date a guy in a certain group if that makes sense

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  • 1) no not really

    2) I used to but you have to admit the inner circle we have says a lot about a person. Now there is a difference between good friends and just friends. The good friends are telling, the friends are just there.

    3) The guy duh. I never really cared about a guy's friends.

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  • 1. Noooo, some people act differently when they are with their friends and around their significant other

    2. His personality

    3.The guy

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  • 1)No not main,but it definitely would be a consideration.Sorry but you're friends with your friends for a reason and if they have a bad rep,I don't want to be associated with that.

    2)Friends and personality.Too many shady people nowadays who put on a front only to show their true colors later on,especially at the influence of their friends.

    3)Guy of course.

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  • 1. Yes they would because if they don't like someone I'm with, then the chances are they're right. My friends are much more capable of seeing guys objectively whereas I tend to be blinded.

    2. I'd base them on both - a guy can have really awful mates but be really nice, so I'd take both and make a judgement that way.

    3. I care about both because I wanna get on with the guy, but if I don't get on with his mates that could be problematic.

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  • Well if a guy has douchebags for friends then it's most likely that he's gonna be a douchebag :-/

    but I wodnt let that set me off until I got to know him

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  • I try and take each person as they come. I wouldn't make assumptions based on his mates. BUT, if you can't stand his mates it might cause friction long term.

    I'm assuming you're friends are around your age, like playing the field and you worry girls will think you're the same?

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  • 1. Not at all, its the guy you're going to be with , not his friends.

    2. In the early stages of dating, you do tend to look at the company he keeps to give indications of what kind of guy he might be - but these assumptions are often dissolved once you get to know the guy for who he is as an individual.

    3. The company he keeps is important, but the important thing is the guy himself, as its him you're going to be spending the most time with.

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  • litle OK you need to get on with the friends and its nice but not the end all the man is more important to a woman friends come and go they marry babys settle

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  • 1. no

    2. his personality

    3. about the guy

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  • 1) Yes, definitely

    2) I would have to say both. His personality more though.

    3) The guy. I would respect his friends & I would admire them because they probably had a lot to do with who the guy is now.

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  • the thing is, for many girls, once they start liking you, they won't really care about other things. so guess your fine.

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  • 1.) no.

    2.) no.

    3.) the guy. The friends aren't that important, as long as their polite, and you guys stick up for us when they arent. To be honest, most girls worry about the friends likeing us.

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  • They are important because they are important to him, that's all that matters

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  • 1.) friends as in you being friends with him or his circle of frinds?

    2.) Personality

    3.) Guy!

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  • As important as they are to him, well, maybe not that important, but close

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  • I care about a mens' friends because he does. They are important to him, so I support that. I try to get alone with them, but would hestitate to defend myself if one was mean to me. Also, I sometimes do assume a guy is like his friends. If a group of men are really nice/mean to me, I might assume an individual from that group was like them. But I try not to do this because this is technically steotyping. I wouldn't want to be judged by who my friends are. I love my friends, but we are not like each other. So I try to look at every man seperately from his friends, although it can be difficult sometimes, lol. As for your 3rd question, I would never like a guy's friend more than him. The reason I attempt to get to know a man's friends because is because of him. I may like his friends for who they are, but I would never develop feelings for them while I'm with my guy. I try to treat men how I want to be treated. I wouldn't want a man to desire my friends/sisters, so I would never do that to him.

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  • 1. It depends on the friends. I don't choose a guy by his friends, even if his friends are the worst sh*t ever, if he is still him and not starting to be a sh*t like his friends...I wouldn't care.

    2. I would say on his personality. I don't think the guy should necesarilly be as his friends.

    3. I care more about the guy.

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  • i care a lot about his friends ! if they didn't treat me good then I won't be able to be with him

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  • 1. Not a main characteristic, but it is something I would consider in the long run

    2. Both. People pick friends because they have things in common. So if his friends are doing something wrong, it would effect how I viewed him

    3. Like I said, friends are a reflection of who you are. You pick them because you guys are similar and get along. So his friends' interests probably won't be that different from his

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  • 1) yesss

    2) on his personality

    3) def the guy if I like him a lot. The only group of friends I would be skeptical about were drug addicts or alcoholics.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I'll answer all three in one abbreviation: 1) W 2) T 3) F.. Combined: WTF

    I'll run through the fundamentals:

    1) Girl and guy meet

    2) Girl and guy get to know each other

    3) Girl and guy get to choose if they want to date

    ... See a pattern? There's no "friends" in the circle.

    Yes, there are exceptions.. If you are a dating a self-centered bitch (that just wants your money) yet she sees your pokemon buddies around you - She'll probably think they're inbetween her and the money due to a crazy obsession over pokemon gear.. So she'll try to exterminate your friendship with them.

    - Credit goes to the movie: "The hangover" as well as real life.

    If you are dating a insecure human - let's face it, we all have insecurities; there is a strong likelihood that if you hang out with "strong opinionated friends" that speak in an openly (and furthermore, rude) manor.. It goes to push her away because she knows that in hanging out with you, there will come a time of day where she has to speak with them again, it's only in due time.

    If you are dating a flabbergasted dimwit that doesn't give a crap because her IQ is less than 10 - well.. What does it matter, to say the least?

    Things can always co-influence other things; however, there is a stronger impact by the impression you leave with this woman, than the impact of your friends impression on her.

    - Imagine your nagging ex-girlfriend saying: "I don't like how you hang out with bob, he drinks all the time and I'm afraid your gonna start drinking more"... etc etc etc

    ... To summarize:

    - It will rarely, if ever, actually harm your chances with the ladies (for the mere fact that I presume you have a fair ammount of self-respect).. For the people that mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind.

    Take care

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • This is the first time I've ever disagreed with your advice Artist. To be honest, every girlfriend I had in the past benefited from our friends. She had a boatload of friends, and I had only a dozen close ones or so. They helped to encourage us to be more social and go out. To be honest, they made everything better. I think what the question asker means is, "Are friends important"? Not, "Are they important initially". So yea, the girl is a self-centered bitch if she's basing you by friends list.

    • Show All
    • @QA - Have you ever asked yourself what's more valueable? Having the whole world love you, or if she's enough? (Thanks go to the movie hellboy).. The point being is that, there's nothing "wrong" with your friends that I can make apparent - just because they didn't go to college, doesn't mean squat... BUT if you are saying they are bad friends, why call them friends at all? -- Just check where your mind is at and which you'd rather have more.

    • I guess she was just out of my league, they were not bad, just not too good for her. At least they supported me during the break up although I didn't go out often with them while in the relationship

  • 1. People usually blend in the social group that have similar interests as them. Usually similar interests mean somewhat similar personalities. Birds of a feather flock together, as they say. The people he is willing to accept and go out with does sort of determine what person he is.

    2. Both, but the personality matters a lot more. Some people tend to act differently around different people. As long as he acts the way he does around me, I don't mind as much. I just don't want him to get involved in bad habits like drinking and smoking.

    3. Obviously about the guy, haha. Why would I care about the friends? If I really didn't like them, I could just stay at home.

    Oh sh*t, I'm a guy. Whatever, this is the basic answer any girl would give, I think.

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  • it seems very important to me, because girls place a huge emphasis on a guy's resources(does not just mean money, social resources as well), his status or social status, his position in society

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  • They don't really care about his friends. What they do care about is how your friends respond to you. Are you the guy they make fun off, or are you respected.

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