Why isn't she texting/phoning me?

OK I've been going out with this girl for a month now, the dates are great and a lot of fun, we flirt/laugh a lot and I think she got a crush on me too, so everything is going well.

But she never text/phone's me on her own, I think she might not like texting since whenever I call her we barely can stop talking over the phone (1h+) and neither she nor I seem to want to hang up first. Still I always have to call her first.


Most Helpful Guy

  • That's bad. She'll most likely lose some attraction and/or respect for you if she doesn't have to initiate a call or text sometimes. You shouldn't be the one doing ALL the calling. Here's what I suggest:

    1) Stop calling her for a while. Like for a week, or a week and a half. Let her wonder what you're up to. This also lets her know that you're not the ONLY thing on her mind, that you have a life too. That's an attractive thing. If you make her feel a little uncomfortable with the silence, she'll hopefully (if she's into you, which it sounds like) make herself call and/or text you. At that point, you can just say you've been busy doing whatever (fill in the blank, it could be hanging out with friends, busy with school, etc.). Make your explanation quick and don't apologize. Then set up a quick date with her.

    (NOTE: This isn't being "mean"--all you're doing is trying to achieve balance in the relationship while things are still good. It's really important that neither partner become "lazy" in a relationship, whether its 4 weeks, 4 months or 4 years old, because that's when things start to go south. Another option for you is, when you're with her, just make a quick, direct statement, no apologies, in a strong and respectful tone of voice: "Hey, I think you should call ME more often.")

    2). In my opinion (and this is just my personal thought), the 1 hr+ on the phone isn't helping either. In general, I find that guys do better in dating when they keep phone calls short and be the first ones to hang up. The focus should be on relating to her in person more than by just "talking" on the phone. If I were you, I'd use the phone a little less for conversation and more for setting up dates. It also gives her more to think about and look forward to.)

    Anyway, hope these suggestions help. You don't have to follow them exactly, but the idea is to keep an attractive sense of "mystery" about you, while still making sure that she respects you as a potential boyfriend. Best of luck.

    • The 1h+ on telephone isn't our only conversation, when we meet in person we talk a lot more than that. But when I call her to make the next date clear it tends to get a bit prolonged. But the direct approach (asking her) and hanging up first and make it short sounds like a good idea.

    • That's cool. In general, it's good for guys to practice being direct and getting straight to the point. That shows confidence and girls are attracted to that. The idea is to "lead" the girl into having a fun time with you, and keeping phone talks short helps with that--try to already have a few dates in mind before you call. Sometimes long, deep conversations are good, but if they're too common they lose that "special" every-now-and-then quality.


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What Girls Said 4

  • Maybe she doesn't want to seem 'clingly'.

    The media portrays girls as being clingy and obsessed with texts/phone calls, and that is always portrayed in a negative way, so maybe she percieves it as inherently negative to text you and prefers to only answer your calls/texts, and not initiate them.

    or maybe she's just busy.

    in any case, don't sweat it, and don't make it a bigger deal than it is. I mean, this girl seems to really like you.

  • She probaly wants you to text her, cause when we girls get it from a guy first, we seem to think they are thinking of us! OMG! and we wonder if you ever think of us. So that's why she wants you to do it first.

  • i am sure she is just busy

  • at least she wants to talk to you. when my boyfriend and I first started talking, he called me every single night... and I never called him. I let him text me whenever he wanted to, I wasn't too big on texting either. I don't think it should be that big of a thing.


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