Casually dating as an adult... what does that really mean?

So, I'm recently divorced & met this guy through an online dating service. We have a lot in common. Both are divorced, had cheating spouses, each have 2 young boys, we both like to have a lot of fun, and we are both pretty attractive. We had a great 1st date..lots of chemistry, kissing, and laughing hysterically. We got together 2 nights later in a more casual setting. We did fool around some but did not have sex.

We have been texting a little here and there, but I always feel like I initiate it. He will say.. "I will definitely see you soon", and is forever saying to me in person and when we text "you are so hot", "your body is amazing", "you smell good" blah, blah, blah. The only thing is that I am not sure why he doesn't initiate contact with me. He is younger. He is 30 and I am 40. I look like I am 25 and he says the age thing doesn't bother him. I'm wondering if he is just not really interested or if it has more to do with the fact that his divorce is somewhat new and he is still sowing his wild oats.. he married very young.. 22 I think .. and I wonder if he is just scarred still and reliving his youth. I get the sense that he enjoys online dating for the craziness of it all. We seem like a great fit, but I don't want to hold out hope. I am dating other guys but keep thinking about him. Kind of like when you keep going back to the 1st wedding dress you tried on.. haha.. funny example. Anyway, just looking for feedback and thoughts... Oh and I have only known him just under 2 weeks.. so it is very new... I just don't know how long to wait to see if he is interested. And at what point I should get the picture.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like you're having fun, which is AWESOME!

    Since it's just two weeks you need to slow down your contact and do your best to act less needy (incase you are that is.)

    If he's not initiating enough perhaps it's because you're not giving him enough space to. Are you giving him 5 days? Or just 2 hours?

    Give him the gift of missing you ( two days minimum ) and he'll text you. Otherwise you're training him to think you'll always initiate and that he doesn't need to.

    And yes, two weeks short. Dating casually means you're dating without any commitments. Maybe you chat everyday (hopefully not) and maybe you chat once a week. It's casual. You might be dating other guys, he might be dating other girls. Who cares.

    Once you past the sex stage you might want to establish some guidelines, the next day. Something like, ""Hey, I know we've just started dating, but I can't be having sex with you if you're still open to having sex with other girls... I'm a one-at-a-time girl. So let's establish some friendly rules. :)"

    Simple?

    Good luck little lady!

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

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    • Thanks Robby... I am giving him space... We do not chat every day. Not even close. The last contact we had was when I changed my headline on the dating site and he wrote me real quick. I texted him back to laugh basically and that was it. that was only 2 days ago. I just wish that we had something solid set up by I guess that is the fun of dating, right? Being spontaneous. I appreciate the advice and it makes sense... :)

What Guys Said 2

  • Yes, I think he's still getting over divorce, and is pretty immature compared to you, andprobably is not bing honest about the 'age thing' either. As you say, he is just being crazy like a teenager right now.

    Look more closely at the other guys. I think you already have the picture...

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    • So I think you might be right. I'm bummed because I'm really attracted to him, but fine with it. I don't have the time or the desire to be some guys mom. Truthfully, I think he is just into having as much fun as possible and he is into QUANTITY rather than QUALITY right now. He likes the attention. Bottom line, he will miss me at some point. In some ways he is very mature and very immature in others. I also think he knows we have a lot in common, but his friends think otherwise. Onward! :)

  • You're getting along, so talk! Just tell him you want him to initiate more.

    It's nerves, I'm sure. You know how to do this.

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    • Some is nerves. Some is not knowing how to date anymore... (it's been about 16 years) I don't want to scare him off by talking too soon. We haven't even set up another time to see each other. it's like I just have to wait... I wish he would have the decency to just tell me he's not interested if he isn't. it sucks to tell someone the truth, but I have done it. he also claims that people think he must be an ass because he is good looking but that is really isn't an ass.. so, what gives?

    • "We haven't even set up another time to see each other." Bit of dating advice: this is usually a mistake.

      Just spend time together, that's all. You enjoy each others' company, you're hot for each other, you get along. Things will sort themselves out, for the better, as long as you stick with it, and don't get discouraged and give up too soon.

What Girls Said 1

  • He is out for sex, not for love. When a guy goes through what he did with a cheating spouse, they come out wounded and they are NOT looking for love, maybe not for years. He has kids, he has experienced marriage and now he wants fun. If you are initiating the contact and all he can offer is talk about your body and how sexy you are, that is not what a guy does when he is falling in love. By now you must have more insight into what was or is going on with him.

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    • Totally agree with you... I have moved on. I'm fine with it. Each person you meet teaches you something about yourself, which he did. It feels good to just walk away when you are not getting what you want or deserve. Thanks!!!

    • It does feel good to experience the power of moving on and not accepting less than the treatment we deserve!

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