Do guys try to avoid dating girls with messed up pasts?

If a girl has a few issues both emotional and mental does that make her un-datable? Say she's been through a lot in her past like getting raped, being abused as a child, being bipolar, having trust issues and such. Would that make you think less of her or not want to date her?

Updates:
ok let me be more specific. for the most part she's happy and pretty well rounded all things considered. she has friends and has a pretty optimistic outlook on life. she doesn't have ptsd and doesn't let being raped haunt her. She's not a man hater or
judgemental. She's used to being strong enough to hold up everyone else who may need her despite struggling just to hold up herself. She's a giver who loves taking care of others and making others' lives easier. every so often though her issues catch up
to her and she gets down on herself because she's always there for everyone else that she doesn't leave much for herself. as for her trust issues she isn't the jealous control freak type it just takes awhile to get to knw the real her because so many
eople judge her, let her down and lie to her that she's careful whom she gives her trust to now. she's been told that she's undateable because of her past and has come to the point where she wonders if anyone could ever date/love her in spite of her past
Also she's not an extreme bipolar. She has a more moderate form she doesn't have to take meds to keep her balanced or anything and controls it well for the most part.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • No if I really loved her and cared about her and was really into her I wouldn't let that bother me. I would try to help her heal her past anyway I could. try to be her friend first then lover later.

    as far as bipolar I would giv e it a try if she became too much to handle and had real highs and lows I don't know if I could put up with it after awhile if it became draining. but bipolar she could be crazy and good in bed. hahahah. so id hang onto her for a while.

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What Guys Said 21

  • Everyone has issues... It's just a matter of them being issues you can accept or get-around, or them being dealbreaker...

    Like personally to me, smoking and too much drinking is dealbreaker... Those are sorta like "external issues" tho...

    But the more internal issues... You can either accept them, or they can show themselves in bad ways and turn you away. But at the same time, if you've been abused or hurt in the past, that doesn't mean that automatically everyone that wants to open up and be around you is going to do the same... I understand that some people grew up in supposed "loving" environments or households that may have been anything but... but that doesn't mean just because someone is trying to show you love, they are going to abuse you either...

    Make an accurate assumption on someone... get to know them, see them for what they are and how they act, and learn a little about their past and homelife. There's lots of wonderful people out there that can show you REAL love and you won't have to worry.

    You just have to be able to trust them... Don't let your past get in the way. A lot of times, you can tell who is a quality person and who isn't. You just have to use your head.

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  • Having issues is human.. every body has his own issues...you don't have to be raped or abused to have issues ... as for dating this girl... ofcourse I would date her and try to get to know her.. .. I would judge her as any other girl. She may be the girl of my dreams and may be not.

    This girl you describe seems strong ..a fighter... she is human and she has weaknesses but who doesn't have them? I would definitely take this girl on a date .

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  • No I think I'm actually drawn to girls like that perhaps I have the same coplex that drives girls to date and try to "save" bad boys. It really depends on how you deal with a messed up past. Some people become weak and whiny others strong but cold others strong but empathetic and extra caring. Goody two shoes easily offended or snobbish girls not my type. So to answer your question briefly no. Guys who are worth dating don't focus on a girls past

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  • Not at all. Though, I'm much different than most guys. I have a huge tolerance for problems and helping people get past them. I actually sometimes prefer people with problems. More down to earth. Though a lot of men are afraid of problems, since they don't know how to deal with them.

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  • Depends on the guy, but most nice guys would put up with it. It's fine for girls like that to let out their emotions in front of understanding guys but not to take them out on those guys.

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  • nope, the past doesn't matter really.

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  • luv em

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  • People can change so I wouldn't hold their past against them. But if we were hanging out and I could still feel like your have issues that would be a major deterrant. Being bipolar is definately a big red flag.

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  • Bi-polar is a deal breaker for me. I dated a lady who had been raped...not a deal breaker. Trust issues?...deal breaker.

    Everyone has issues. Psychological disorders like bi-polarism just doesn't work for me.

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    • Not exactly workin for me either hon. It's not something you can really pick or choose though.

  • I give anybody a chance, life is too short to be close minded to anything

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  • I would definitely avoid her from the start if it was anything more than a fling. Although, I don't really like relationships with normal girls so take what I just said with a grain of salt.

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  • nah! She's Datable,she may need to take into consideration that as people mature they become more accepting,so she may have to consider someone 30+ years of age. sad to say,"it is Her own distrust that will stop Her from dating" :(

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  • If I loved and cared for her it wouldn't be an issue.

    But I wouldn't mention it until you know he loves you and you loved him.

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  • Its scientifically proven that women that have been abused, raped, etc in their past will be effected greatly later in life. They might have a low sex drive, which is what NO MAN wants

    Why is a man obligated to put up with that? Would you want to date a disabled man? I don't see you dating a blind guy or someone in a wheel-chair...

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    • Thats in some cases other girls who have been abused go the other direction and have very high sex drives. That's not a problem for her and she's never had any complaints. And what's wrong with disabled people. She's very caring and would date a disabled guy if his personality was a good match. Looks aren't important. Personality, morals and beliefs are what's important. What good is a hot guy if he's an ass?

    • Show All
    • Sad but true. But that's not all women just like not all men are asses. Call me naive but I'm still hoping that women smarten up and the nice guys start winning. I don't date just anyone because I'm hoping that there's a nice guy out there for me. I'm tired of jerks and I refuse to believe that there's no hope.

    • I'm open to dating a blind guy or a guy in a wheel chair, they need love too; however, I really don't want to have to take care of someone for the rest of my life at this point. No-one chooses the stuff that happens to them. The effects of abuse and rape are usually seen as emotional(quality relationships will fix the issues). We require more love.

  • In some cases, Yes. If the girl has a messed up past chances are high that her head isn't exactly on straight.

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  • sounds like a friend I have at the moment... no, in most cases guys don't really avoid girls like that.

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  • I don't think so I m strong enough to deal with a girl like tht

    i'll be really pissed if I make her life worse or hurt her in any sorta way,so its better to have such girls as friends.i'd be ready to help her out and be supportive anytime...but I guess when it comes to dating...i guess I m sorta a player so won't t really mess her life anymore.

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    • I respect that alot. I wish all players would be so thoughtful...

  • all of what you've mentioned does not count as "messed up past", it's just bad luck and a rough childhood she had to go through, and sure these things would make a woman stronger. A girl with a missed up past is one that used to be a slut, got drunk and wasted, done drugs, cheated on people, had nothing to care about other than having fun, and so on... that's someone no rational guy wants to deal with.

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  • My girlfriend is far from perfect and I love her anyway. She has depression and some medical conditions, but she takes medication so they aren't a huge issue. Most importantly, she is a very strong woman who doesn't let her problems totally consume her life. I don't judge her. I make sure to put in the effort to provide her support whenever she needs it, since that's what a good boyfriend is supposed to do.

    I will admit that I used to avoid dating girls with troubled pasts. I've learned that if the girl is strong, open minded and willing to seek out help when she needs it, then she can provide a very fulfilling relationship. Like some other posters said, everyone has problems so don't judge her before getting to know her. Despite my girlfriend's issues, she is a total sweetheart and absolutely amazing in bed!

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    • Guys like you give me hope :) Your girlfriend is really lucky.

  • It depends on if she lets her past issues affect her life now. It's called baggage.

    I have dated someone who was bipolar and I wouldn't do it again.

    I avoid all women who claim they have been raped (personal reasons)

    Trust issues... I'm an honest guy but that would just test my patience. I'm sure I would just go off if she didn't believe me when I had a bad day, i.e. got written up at work, my cell phone broke, got a flat tire on the way home, and then got chewed out by her because I was late for dinner and she accuses me of being on a date with another woman.

    Honestly, I'd pass.

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  • That would certainly not make me think any less of her, however I must admit I may worry about how emotionally stable she is and whether she would be a good partner.

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What Girls Said 3

  • A decent guy would have compassion for her,because you can't choose your family or how your life is going to turn out. If we knew that we would change it, judge and you shall be judged! Dating her, she needs help before talking about a relationship, a lot of baggage comes along when you have exprience trauma in your life.

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  • everyone has a past

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  • Guys. It is unfair of you to judge someone who has had to handle something that you can not comprehend!

    In fact, it is a selfish act that will not get you far in a relationship. One falls in love with a person, not their baggage. A lady never choose to have these acts done to her! If a lady embodies everything you want in a partner but is bipolar would you give her up? A mature man will NOT.

    Your past is sad but part of who you are. You're not in charge of the hand you've been dealt but rather how you deal with it.

    Your past can form you but it should never dictate your life, dear. Stay strong & be confident. There are good, mature, selfless men out there that will love you for the person you are.

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    • Thank you.

    • All you shallow men will soon learn... One of these days a woman that you are truly in-love with will rip out your heart and drain the blood from it... She will feed off of your pain and suffering... But in reality... We all just need to stop being so damn mean... And just love one another as people...

    • i'd be waiting for that...

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