First break-up.. not sure what to do

This girl and I have been dating for around 3 months. We hit it off very well and I felt we had a real connection. She did confess she wanted to go slow because she has been in some messy relationships in the past, but I just found out yesterday (when she broke up with me), that I was going too fast.

By fast, this was in relation to terms of endearment and calling her my girl. I only said this to her, my close friends only knew "I was interested' in her. She said that she felt panicked and confused, which eventually lead her to not want a relationship. She said she still likes me, several times at that, but said she was not ready.

When I asked her what she wanted to do, after proposing a complete break up or if she needed time/space, she opted for complete and asked if we could still be friends. I haven't responded to that yet because I was so devastated by the sudden news.

She broke up with me over instant messaging. I have written an e-mail telling her how I felt and if she would take a second chance and will send in in 3-4 days after I give her time/space and I think this through.

What do you guys suggest I do? This was my first relationship (personal reasons) and I felt an extremely awesome vibe from her, one beyond crushes or whatnot. Please help!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Often when a girl panics because she thinks the guy is getting to serious too fast, the best thing to do is to be friends. If the emotions are still there, then she may decide in her own time to give it another shot but only time will tell. I've been in her position before where someone moved faster than I was comfortable with and I panicked. In my experience, the more the guy pushed the farther I ran and eventually the feelings were destroyed by the pressure. Give her time, be friends, and don't push a relationship if you really like her. If she's going to change her mind she'll probably only do so after you've really given her space to sort through her commitment issues. I would recommend not sending the email. It will only cause her to panic more probably. Hold onto it and if in the future she hints that she wants to get back together, address it then. Don't expect anything, though. It may be hard, but you have to be open to the possibility that she just can't commit and won't be able to for quite a long time. She may not be the person for you.

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    • Thank you for the personal input. I'm not sure how exactly I can handle being friends with her, though. I mean, it seems like a nice idea to give her time and space, but at the same time it's like giving myself a false sense of hope? Suppose I do that and really has moved on, I'd have to let myself down again. It was just a thought that came to mind.

      My e-mail would be mainly my thoughts on the whole reason behind the break-up because I couldn't really say anything since I was caught off-guard

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    • Thanks again for your great input! I truly hope your husband will recover from his depression and that his talk is only a result of that.

      I'm willing to do whatever it takes to win her back at this point. After this break-up, I realized how much she meant to me and that there was a great potential for something so much more. I can only hope she feel the same. At the same time, I'm preparing myself for the worst. Until then, I leave my feelings intact and untouched. Thanks again!

    • You're welcome :) I can definitely sympathize and I really do hope that you are able to make things work the way you want. If not, I'm sure you'll find the strength to come out better for it and find someone who can commit fully to you. You're obviously a great guy with amazing dedication and intentions and hopefully she will recognize how rare that is and how lucky she is to have such an opportunity. Good luck!

What Girls Said 2

  • WOW breaking up for im? that is just pathetic. if she doesn't even have the balls to face you then I would find someone better. I know this isn't the answer you want, but that is so disrespectful on so many levels. and as for the friends thing, tell her honestly how you feel, that you need time to get over it because it was rude what she did.

    Also she's stupid for thinking that you calling her your girl was going to fast. this bitch obviously doesn't know what she wants. FIIND SOMEONE BETTER :))

    And don't let this scar you for life, girls usually like a guy to take initiative and show affection. she's obviously just immature.

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  • THere's nothing you can do. Relationships involves 2 people. If she's not feeling it, then she's not feeling it. No amount of words can change her mind

    You can't rely on her, you can only move on yourself

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What Guys Said 1

  • Don't email her..be a little more personal with a hand-written note..you can get some tips on how to write one here ==> link

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