Dating for a month... she wanted to slow down.

I met a girl over the summer at a concert out of town. We started talking at the show and she ended up living near me, so before the show ended I got her number. I'm 30, she's a couple years younger. I got home, and during that week I called her and set up a date for that following weekend. Date went great.. came back to my house afterward for a couple drinks, watched some movies and fell asleep on the couch with each other. Later that morning we made out quite a bit, sexual contact was made but sex was not had. We did end up having sex the following weekend and 2-3x a week for about a month. We seemed to be getting along great.

One thing I learned during the first week was that she was 4-5 months out of a 6 or 7 year long term relationship. I told her I understood, that I've been there before. I wasn't trying to move fast, I think we were just both going with what felt right. I actually felt that things were progressing toward getting more serious, and that may have spooked her. She said something about wanting to slow down, and that she wasn't ready for a relationship, so I asked her to clarify and I asked if she meant friends. She said yes. I said OK, well I don't do just friends very well.. she understood. I didn't call or talk to her for 2-3 weeks. Suddenly she starts texting and calling out of the blue. I'm thinking maybe she got over her freak out so we started talking again. I decided to keep a cool attitude about everything, to still hang or whatever without really making it "dating" again. Although when we do hang out 1 on 1 it has a date feel to it. Still, I don't grab for her hand or kiss her, because I'm a little gun shy about making any moves at this point.

I like this girl, and stopped seeing other girls after we started going out. We are still hanging out one on one, she even came over for dinner a few nights ago where we watched a movie under a blanket. Still I did not make any moves.. just didn't feel it was there based on her body language. Every instinct tells me to give up and not contact her anymore because I'm wasting my time, but I really like this one and think it would be worth the wait. I've cut way back on contact with her again, so hopefully she will start to get back in touch with me, but in the meantime I'm going to date other people.

Any ideas on how to proceed, or a woman's insight on the best way to handle a girl in this situation? The thought that I was a rebound guy has crossed my mind, but it felt more like she was just spooked at the speed of everything and wants to feel it out to see if I'm just after her "goods" or all of her. I'm getting a bit old for games, but they could be worth playing if it lands me this one. If not it's not the end of the world, but it would be a disappointment.. best girl I have dated in a while.

Thanks for reading this book :)


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What Girls Said 1

  • Yeah, it sounds like she wanted to slow down because she just wasn't ready to settle back down again - which I don't blame her since she was in a committed relationship for most of her 20's. But that doesn't mean she doesn't like you back...that just means you guys aren't in the same place right now.

    I would hang back, be her friend, continue to get to know her. Let her know that she should let you know when she's ready to get more serious with you. HOWEVER, do not "wait" in a way that you're refusing anyone else that comes along. You can be her friend, but your love life shouldn't be put on pause.

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    • I guess my feelings are right, and what I am doing is right, because last night she invited me to a gettogether at her parents house. Really good sign I do believe.. I hadn't met them before last night.

      I'm going to continue what I'm doing and let this thing continue to bloom.

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