Raincheck equals shut down?

I really like this guy. We're friends, but aren't super close... We just happen to have some mutual friends, and hang out at random get-togethers... I'm also friends with his roommates, so he comes and hangs out with us sometimes, too... Everyone usually comments about "us" because we tend to be close (but nothing's ever happened between us). So last year, because people were making so many comments, I pulled him aside and told him that I didn't want a relationship and that I wasn't sure how I felt about him, because I didn't want him to feel awkward or pressured around me... (Stupid, I know). Yet last time we went out as a group, people kept trying to get us to sit together or dance together, and he kept getting really awkward and walking away.

Anyway, last week I decided to text him and ask if he wanted to hang out one-on-one. He said "sounds good." So then I suggested going out for breakfast one morning and hanging out in the afternoon kind of thing. He didn't answer (he always takes forever to reply). So I got a little bit frustrated, and sent him a text saying "dude, I asked you to hang out and maybe eat some pancakes, not get married! what's with the no-replies? lol" and then no answer... The next day, I got a 4-text message saying "haha k good, 'cause I find when people ask me to marry them, it can get kind of awkward," and how he was really sorry that he'd taken so long to get back to me, that he didn't really have an excuse, and that he had too much studying to do (he's trying to get into med school) and would have to take a raincheck, but that it was super lame and he wished he could come. Then I texted him and said "ok good, 'cause sometimes I get the impression that you secretly hate me or something." And he answered saying that he was sorry he'd made me feel that way, and that it definitely wasn't the case.

Then, the next weekend, I found out that my dad has cancer. I ended up going and hanging out with him and my friends later on that day, and started crying. He asked me if I wanted to talk, and stayed by my side until my best friend showed up. Then, he texted me later to say that if Frances (my best friend) was ever busy and I needed someone to talk to, to just call him and he'd be there...

So I'm really confused, because I feel like he really cares about me, but then doesn't make the effort to make plans to hang out? Did he shut me down, or does he genuinely want to hang out and just can't right now?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like he's genuinely busy, and perhaps somewhat nervous about hanging out with you. I do get the impression he really cares.

    Sorry to hear about your father, I hope he will be okay.

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    • Thank you! I hope so too... He's strong, and I'm sure that he'll pull through.

      And thanks for your input... But why would he be nervous? Do I come on too strong or something?

    • He's probably just a little shy, it's not that uncommon. Especially hanging out with someone you like without anyone else present is more 'scary' than hanging out in a group, as in a group with people you know everybody is pretty much guaranteed to have a good time, one-on-one the pressure to be at least somewhat entertaining is much higher. Odds are if the two of you hang out alone one or two times and it's not a total disaster, he'll become less reluctant about the whole thing.

    • I'm not even sure that he likes me... But I guess the whole "more pressure to entertain" thing makes sense, especially since he tends to be pretty quiet. Thanks :)

What Guys Said 2

  • This is really irritating. Stop faffing about. If you like him, tell him! You're making everything so bloody complicated.

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    • Also he's probably super cautious around you because your comment a year ago likely gave him the impression that you don't like him romantically.

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    • like a mad woman in much the same manner as you are now ;) You know best I suppose, you should be able to tell with his body language if he likes you. It does sound like he is fond of yo uthough.

    • Hahaha :) Well thanks for your honesty. I really appreciate your input, and I think that you're probably right. This morning, my roommate informed me that all of our mutual friends think he likes me, so I guess that's a good sign! Hopefully we'll get to hang out soon, when he has a bit more time for me. I can't wait to get it out of my system, and to know how he really feels.

  • Sorry about your father and I think he does like you.

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What Girls Said 1

  • he's probably not asking you to hang out because he thinks that's the last thing you need esp since you have so much else going on esp with your dad

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