Should there be a long waiting period after a breakup?

I met this guy who just got out of a divorce about a month and a half ago. He was with his ex-wife for almost 4 years and he was deeply in love with her, until he found out she cheated on him. He tried to make things work out with her because he was so in love with her and didn't want to leave her, but he realized that there was no hope and he was only wasting his time. So he filed for a divorce and now HATES the thought of her. A month and a half later, he met me and now likes me very much. Sometimes he brings up his ex and says how he wasted so much money on gifts for her, etc, and that bothers me that he still mentions how much he 'hates' her. He wants to become my boyfriend, but I'm worried that it might be too soon for this since he was so in love with her. But he claims that he is DEFINITELY over her and hates the thought of her. My question is, do you think it's possible for him to be completely over her that fast? I mean, yes, he's furious at her because of what she did but he only left her because he felt that was the right thing to do, not because he truly wanted that. However, she cheated on him 3 times with the same guy so I doubt there's any hope for them. Is it safe for me to go forward this guy after only a month and a half of his divorce? How do I know for sure that he is completely over it all and ready to start something new? I don't want to be a rebound girl. :( Any advice would be helpful..


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What Guys Said 1

  • It can't hurt to take things slow. You'll see for yourself over time if he's over it.

    BUT, what I don't like--you neither--is his rage toward his ex-wife. Two reasons: first, anger like that has a way of sloshing around, and you don't want any of it spilling on you, being the closest person and all.

    More importantly, however, is the lack of accountability and stock-taking. Relationships fail because both parties screwed up. He needs to see his own role in the failure of his marriage, forgive his wife, and release that rage before he can consider dating seriously again. Otherwise, he'll just screw up this relationship the same way he screwed up that one. (Which is why you don't want to be the rebound girl.)

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