If you go to lunch with a lady friend, do you pay only if it is a date?

I went to lunch with a guy I know socially - he brought up the idea and it is the first time we have hung out one-on-one. I wasn't sure if it was a date or what. Entrees were about $25 each - was a nice place. When the bill came, he didn't flinch and put his card down right away. I offered and he closed the holder and said no. Only other things I can offer - He ordered soup for an appetizer and there was only one spoon. He asked if I wanted to try it and I said know (seemed kind of strange with one spoon for me). In the beginning, He told me that he always likes to see me because I am so entertaining. At one point, his knee was touching my leg under the table and he didn't move it - must have been 5+min. We have a lot of friends in common. Was this a date? I'm just a bit confused that he didn't try to make another one. What do you think?

There was some back and forth today and in his last email he wrote this: "We need to go back to that place for lunch again.it was so amazing! Hope you feel better?!"

hmm. . .what do you think? how should I respond?
I actually was not feeling great and went briefly to the party. So I'm not sure if I missed him or not. I did send an email to him though which was positive in tone - and I agreed we should meet but suggested maybe a drink after work. Now's his turn. . .


Most Helpful Guy

  • i think there's a problem in assigning labels like "date" - it's not like the 50's, where the boy would turn up at your parent's house wearing a new-looking suit & sit there uncomfortably whilst your father tells him to be back by 11.

    when I go out with friends I'm often happy to pick up the bill, since I'm lucky to be able to afford to. the applies to male and female friends. if we're casual friends then the next time we do something they might pay; if they're not as well off as me (and especially if we're somewhere expensive) then I don't mind covering the costs & letting them "buy me back" a coffee or something later.

    in the case you describe it sounds like he likes you, and is happy to cover the costs of spending time with you. guys also like to show they can "provide" by doing things like this. however it's also possible that he's willing to pay the bill even if he decided you weren't a good match, to show that he's not a cheapskate - especially true if you have mutual friends.

    the soup thing and the leg thing are definitely flirty activities: if you could feel his leg, it's fairly likely he could feel yours.

    if he hasn't tried to see you again he's either decided that you're not what he's looking for, or he's simply not had a chance to arrange anything.

    have you seen him since your lunch? how did he act & did he seem to want to spend time with you alone or in preference to other friends who might have been around? that last might be an indicator that he's still interested but just hasn't had a chance to organise anything (or is waiting for a sign from you that you're still interested)

    good luck

    • The lunch was on Thursday so I haven't seen him again yet. I have some pics I took of him and his friends from his birthday party which I can send to him. perhaps I can make it slightly flirty to give a hint?

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    • Sounds like wednesday will be the day to find out what the situation is. if he tries to spend time with you or generally hangs around during the party then that might be a good sign.

      good luck

    • The guy is a puzzle - no idea how his mind works.

      There was some back and forth today and in his last email he wrote this: "We need to go back to that place for lunch again...it was so amazing! Hope you feel better?!"

      hmm. . .what do you think? how should I respond?


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What Guys Said 2

  • lol - update spam!

    well it sounds like he's keen to see you still. maybe the "hope you feel better" comment is because *he's* been interpreting your communication as being a bit "low" - maybe he expected longer messages from you when you texted?

    i'm guessing you'll find out face-to-face today (at the party) how things are - like I said, if he hangs around you, gets you things , etc then it's more evidence of liking you.

    don't get too confused - guys can be uncommunicative at times when they're concentrating on something else, so if he's been busy at work (for example), then that would be a good reason why he might not have called you. he might also have been seeing if you were going to ask him out somewhere (since he asked you the first time ;) )

    good luck (again)

    • Sorry about the multiple updates. I hope the website clears it. I had been feeling a little under the weather and I said it in my previous response. yes - I got more information from his last email so I feel more positive about it. I'll respond to it this morning because it might be awkward if I don't (as the party is this evening).

  • i was raised to pay for a girl no matter what even if they are just friends. he was being a gentleman. I think if he put his knee against your leg he surely was showing interest and its up to you if you want to show interest back. I think the soup thing is nothing since he was just being polite. I don't think it was a date but a hang out where he was gauging your interest level. I think you like him and should make a move on him. then let him respond.maybe hug him and go in for a kiss and see what happens


What Girls Said 2

  • well he cares about you and wants to see you again so say sure I would love too!

    • Thanks for your thoughts. Yes I responded in a nice way and suggested perhaps we go back or some other outdoor place since the weather is nice. I am still not feeling great so I went early to the party and left early, so I'm not sure if he came later but I wasn't there too late. But at least we are communicating separately anyway.

  • ok yeah that was a date.esp since it was one-on-one and he paid. also he didn't move his leg. my motto is if you don't know the guy that well and yall are "hanging out" alone then that is a date all day long! think he likes you girl!