Should I just walk away or be patient when he disappears and resurfaces?

Well I am a bit naive when it comes to dating. So here goes... I met someone online months ago and we sort of clicked... as friends at first... I became his confidant about his frustrations on love... I hang around because I find his personality interesting... After a while, he started showing interest in me... keeps on asking "do you love me?" (which until now I wonder why)... telling me that he misses me if we can't chat for a week... and he asked me point blank once that when we meet in real life and there's chemistry we'd try going for a relationship. He also told me that he's made up his mind about me, and that when we meet it's all in my hands...Now the thing is, he's delaying our meeting day... because he says he doesn't want that when things go awry between us he's gonna lose me. It frustrates me but I don't wanna let go because I really like him... That's why I am giving him time. Aside from that, he has my number but he never calls. He also has this annoying habit of just disappearing for days, sometimes even weeks without a single "hello, I am alive"... and I don't wanna call him. I did that once and he didn't pick up my call. I am not gonna try again.Now, again I am staring into space because it's been a week and I haven't heard from... zilch... it makes things worse because I know someone that he used to be crazy about is back in town (the girl is getting married, btw)So... what do you guys think... should I just walk away? Or should I be patient? I am starting to get unhinged, seriously. I feel as if he's playing emotional yo-yo... Are men like that, disappear and resurface?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes and no. Yes--men who play games are like that. No. Men who are real DON'T do that.

    When I met my husband (we actually met online) we were very expressive--we called, talked and related--within reason. We respected one another's time and space. We also kept our promises to one another. If he said he was going to call, he called. If we were going to go out, we went out.

    We are now married with a wonderful baby girl and years behind us.

    Our courtship was passionate, but mature.

    If someone cares about you, they don't play games with your mind. At best he is simply immature and doesn't understand how to treat a person with dignity, at worse, he is somewhat sociopathic (yes ladies and gents, sociopaths exist in the dating game--not all of them are killers), and is probably married or attached.

    Either is no good.

    More than likely, he is a predator, a playah who thinks it is funny to mess with people's heads--so many of these sharks exist on the internet--it is a fertile feeding ground because so many desperate and lonely people are online, and they use their charm and come on's to hook people and reel them in.

    I don't know what his intentions are, but dude is certainly up to no good.

    Besides, relationships, healthy ones, are supposed to make you feel good, safe and happy, not "crazy" and "unhinged". All that stuff about love hurting so bad, is only true when love is on the rocks or when you are in something you should get out of.

    Been there--done that, bought the T-Shirt and commemorative DVD...

    But if you are going to do what you want anyway ( which most people do despite good advice), and want to go ahead and meet this guy, do this.

    Tell him that this is the last chance you are giving him to meet with you, after that you are walking away. If he is playing games, which I am sure he is, he is gonna try to act hurt "then angry", he may even attempt to bully you.

    Stand your ground.

    If he comes up with lame excuses, it could be that the guy is married or in a relationship, and can't just make plans any time he pleases...

    Then yes, walk away.

    But if he agrees to a meeting , go someplace public--DO NOT go ANYWHERE alone with this man! Bring a friend

    (if you are underage--tell your parents and bring them--IN A PUBLIC PLACE!!!!)

    I personally know of a girl who was killed in such a circumstance--

    Or better yet, rent HOSTEL 2 before you meet him--you may decide to go running and screaming away from the game player.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I want to give another perspective here,...

    It might be that with his past love frustrations that he is really scared of this not working out with the two of you. That may be why he is putting things off, and why he disappears for a few days at a time. In his head there is great hope of something happening and he may just be too scared to go any further because that may mean his hope will get squashed.

    On the other hand, he might be with the other girl, but something tells me that this isn't what is going on.

    When you do get a hold of him let him know that you want to meet, that you understand his apprehension but that you are looking for more than a pen pal so he either needs to pony up and meet you, or you are going to move on (you can't wait forever). Either way that goes, it should give you some more insight into what his true feelings/intentions are.

    Best of luck.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I completely agree with A R Norman.

    Some men behave like the one you describe but they are weak, immature and lying sacks.

    His behavior suggests that he has major things going on in his life that you do not know about. Things that he knows would ruin his chances with you.

    It sounds like your gut is throwing up warning flares and red flags - listen to that instinct. You will find a guy who you can connect with in a similar or better way...one that won't jerk you around and have you wondering or frustrated.

    Good luck

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