Embarrassed about online dating?

Recently I met a really nice guy through online dating and I'm too embarrassed to admit it to anyone. I haven't even told anyone about him. When I go out, I tell my parents (yes I still live at home at 22. Grad students don't get paid that much) that I'm hanging out with some friends or I'm studying or some other lame excuse. But they're getting suspicious because I'm going out more than normal and I'm breaking out of my pattern.

Recently, my mom even accused me of using online dating. Who knows if she knows the truth or not. Maybe someone told her they saw me on it. I don't know. But course I denied it and got very defensive about it. So I've cut back on seeing him and it hurts cause I really do like him and wouldn't have met him otherwise.

Is anyone else embarrassed about paying to meet people?

Any advice on how to get my mom to back off with the questions?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is the millennium you shouldn't be embarrassed about online dating. I've tried a free trial on true.com and I'm currently using okcupid. Its hard to meet people through friends for some people because their friends have moved to colleges far away or are busy working and being in a relationship. At bars and clubs you will only meet people that want to have one-night-stands or have a FWB relationship. And for a lot of people its hard to walk up to a person they find attractive and ask them out in public.

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What Guys Said 3

  • When I first got an online dating profile (on Okcupid) somehow my mother found out and was extremely upset. She was certain I'd meet a serial killer who would use my bones to make wind chimes. She made me promise to delete my profile, I didn't but I told her I did. She hasn't bothered me about it ever since.

    If you have met someone online why don't you just lie and say it's someone you met in class or through a friend? I don't condone lying but it seems like this would be a harmless white lie.

    Oh and also, don't be embarrassed about using online dating. It's tough to meet people sometimes. Oh and I'm in school too and I live at home, and I'm 22 (soon to be 23) and many of my friends do too, so don't worry about it.

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  • The amount of people online dating is absurd these days. You definitely don't have to hide anything.

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  • DON'T BE EMBARASSED! Its the technology era... A lot of people do it.. Enjoy yourself and don't care about how the initiation.. That's only a small piece of meeting someone

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What Girls Said 4

  • Well, I met my first serious boyfriend online when I was 15. We met on a chatroom and it turned out that we lived close by. Eventually we met in person and we really clicked, so we started dating (we were together for 5 years).

    We were both embarrassed/nervous about telling people how we met, so we told everyone we met through mutual friends. This was 10 years ago, so you have to imagine that "online dating" was still in its infancy, and everyone was being told "Never meet anyone off the Internet because they're likely a psycho killer/rapist/pedophile." Of course, my boyfriend wasn't any of those things---he was a nerdy 15 year old, just like me. But I was worried that my mom would freak out, or at least disapprove, and not let me see him if I told her the truth, and that other people would see me as desperate/think I couldn't get a boyfriend in the "real world".

    I think now, Internet dating is much more common place and socially accepted. There's a lot less judgment if you tell someone, "We met online." I mean, there still might be some people who don't like it, or think its weird, or worry that it might be risky.. but you've already met this guy and know that he isn't a bad guy or someone who is lying about their identity.

    If you're really worried that your mom will disapprove, then just tell her you met him at school, through a friend, or he approached you at Starbucks----you talked over coffee and really hit it off.

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    • Well said. I would be pretty ashamed myself, but I would NEVER judge anyone like this.

      Some things are better kept hidden.

    • Honestly, I was only ashamed because I knew my mom would disapprove (because she thought all internet people were scary), and because I thought my friends would think I was a loser because I had to meet people online rather than in real life (which wasn't the case, I just happened to meet someone I really liked online). Now---I don't think there's any reason to be ashamed. It can be hard to meet people outside of your own social circle and Internet dating is quite common. I think it's fine.

  • I'm dating someone I met online. I feel bad that I'm embarrassed about it.. I even told him something along the lines of "I can't believe I met you online and I actually really like you." In retrospect, not something I wish I'd said, but he didn't seem too put off. I think he was focused more on the "really like you" part.

    Anyways, we joking told someone we randomly met at starbucks one day, and he knocked over my coffee and offered to buy me a new one, and then ended up chatting. Although it was a joke, he's repeated it to another person, and I didn't say anything.

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  • I am also really embarrassed I am on an online dating site! I can't tell anyone. Has the guy you like told people about you and how he met you? If he is embarrassed as well maybe you too could collaboratively agree on a fun story of how you met... your little secret. Moms have a sixth sense about these things... I don't get it but they always know! My mom is so persistent I hate it, when my mom accused me of talking to a new guy (I was but wasn't ready to reveal it) I made up a ridiculous story about having a latin lover who was married with kids and I was his mistress, it got her laughing and cooled things off a bit.

    Side note: Don't be embarrassed about living at home if you are going to grad school! Grad school is no easy task! Now if you are living at home with no job and no intention of getting one... that's another story

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  • Online dating doesn't have nearly the same stigma as it used to. It used to be only for desperate people but now more and more people are using online dating. Teenagers to senior citizens.

    You shouldn't be ashamed with how you met someone. Plenty of people use online dating, it's similar to social networking sites. Everything is on the internet nowadays. You can do anything from the comfort of your own home. Why not try finding a date? It's a lot easier than wasting your time out in bars or going on blind dates.

    You're just dating. No need for the secrecy. Be proud and tell people. That's the only way you'll be more accepting and get others to be.

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    • I didn't mean it was only for desperate people. I mean, that's what people assumed.

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