i'm a 19 year old girl and I've only dated one guy. long story short he tried to rape me. for a little over a year I was so depressed, I felt worthless, I cut myself.. just a overall bad situation. but I have quit cutting for the most part, and I'm more or less gotten over the depression without talking to anyone about it. but since then I've been very stand-off-ish when it comes to guys flirting with me and whatnot. (it's basically a known fact around where I live that I don't date, so no one ever bothers to ask me)
so, this guy who works at the same place I do asked me out. I sorta' just asked him if he was serious and then when he said yes I found a reason to walk away. (I was on the clock so it wasn't difficult to just be like "oh, I got work to do" and quickly leave) this was sunday, the last day I worked. (basically I work in the same building as this guy, I don't actually work with him... if that makes sense)
i worked again this morning, he was there. he was acting all sad, he didn't say a word to me when I got there like he normally does. he's always really cheery and hyper and you can hear his laugh back were I work, but today he just did his work all quiet and didn't even look up at me... apparently everyone was all; "he's being too quiet, what's up with him?" so it wasn't just me.
I mean, I don't dislike him, actually I rather enjoy his company. but I'm just scared to death of dating ANYONE, it's not just him.
he is also a little bit older than me, he's 27.
i just don't know what I should do, if I should do anything.
i hate feeling weak in any way, and the way men treat females (most of the time) like they have to be baby-ed constantly bugs me, plus I don't really want to have what happened to me happen again...
i don't talk to ANYONE about any of this, hence the whole 'hate seeming weak' thing... so I figured why not ask for advice on here... no one on here knows me.
Most Helpful Girl
I'm a pretty blunt person, so I think if that was me I'd go talk to him and let him know it wasn't personal. Tell him I'm not trying to get him to fix it, but I had a bad experience with an ex and it's colouring my perception of all the new men I meet, and I realize it wouldn't be fair to project that onto him.
Having said all that, not everyone is as blunt as me. I think to be able to have a relationship with someone, you have to be open to being at least a little vulnerable (I have problems with this too so I know it's easier said than done) so in that sense, it might be better for you to maybe try explaining your situation to this guy at work (or at least just tell him you're not looking to date anyone, even if you don't give any hint as to why) and then go away and try to get yourself sorted. This could take ages but in the end you'd feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of dating and might well do better in the long run.
The other option is that this guy might be able to break your perceptions of how guys are. You don't have to attach everything to him - but he could prove to you that good guys do exist, so even if it didn't work out between you two, you could feel more confident to date other guys.
It's really up to you. It's easy for anyone else to say to go for it and you have nothing to lose etc, but I get that other stuff sometimes makes it weird. Perhaps try to remember that all you're doing is going to see a movie or whatever, and that someone else is going with you? Try to bring your thoughts back to the moment - if you find your mind wandering, focus on something immediately in front of you, even if it's totally unimportant. This sounds weird, but touch the arm of the chair in the movie theatre or something, and describe how it looks and feels to yourself in your head. That sort of thing actually really helps when you get used to describing stuff to yourself in detail. Hope that helps, and if you want anyone to talk to feel free to message me =] x0