How to talk to women? Any advice for a guy in my position?

I'm a nice, smart, loving, and caring guy. I'm a genuine guy who doesn't drink, party, or smoke. I don't consider myself ugly, I just consider myself decent. My biggest fear is being single for the rest of my life. I've never had a real relationship with a girl, nor have I ever kissed a girl. No matter how nice, caring, and loving, I am continuously rejected by women. Being rejected many times kind of shattered my confidence with women. My friends joke around how I can't get a girlfriend for my life. Personally, I just think that I haven't found the right person yet. Is there any advice anyone can give me on how to talk to women? Thank you so much! :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • aw, you sound like a genuine, sweet, and caring guy no doubt. it sucks that you haven't had luck with the ladies (which I don't understand by the way). it seems like what we have here is a common nice guys finish last misconception. while nice guys may finish last, they usually win the best prizes. they get the pretty girl who loves nothing more than to care for her man. :) that's what you'll get one of these days. I think youve got the right attitude that you just haven't found the right girl yet. the fact that you haven't yet kissed a girl just tells me you're a really respectable guy whos looking for a genuine girl. my advice to you would be to just continue being you. you don't have to change yourself, or make yourself more outgoing just to find a girl; a girl that's right for you will love you regardless. what I would suggest is that you wait for the girl that enjoys your sweet, caring personality and embraces you for you. yes, waiting sucks, but it pays off. there is perfect way to talk to women, just being yourself should be enough to attract the girl that's right for you.

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What Girls Said 12

  • What are the kinds of women that you go for? If the girls that you go for are the type that EVERY guy goes for, it will be extremely hard (though NOT IMPOSSIBLE mind you) for you to get her. Don't get me wrong, there are LOTS of girls who are ridiculously gorgeous who actually prefer guys that don't "look" like he's her match. But I do have to remind you to be prepared to get rejected a lot when you go for extremely sought-after girls.

    I'm told I'm extremely attractive but I have fallen for guys who aren't considered conventionally attractive due to his other qualities (kindness, intelligence etc).

    At the same time, like I said, attractive women are sought after and so if she's constantly getting asked out, it's going to be real tough to get your feelings reciprocated.

    Have you tried joining different clubs to meet other kinds of girls? what about chatting up a girl who seems to have similar personality/outlook as you?

    Chances are, there are plenty of girls who have had crushes on you but you never asked them out.

    and lastly, the most important thing is to keep trying. You may get rejected a lot but if you keep trying, you'll eventually meet ms right.

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  • Well the place where I usually meet guys is on a party so that is probably the first thing you should do: go out more! Have fun!

    And you should not be so scared of not getting a girlfriend.. I don't know how old you are but you are between 18 and 24 and trust me you've got plenty of time to get a girl!

    Don't think about how to address a girl: just do it the way it comes most natural!

    Don't be afraid of being rejected: rejection comes with life! you shouls only feel bad about for a limited time and then move on!

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  • I seriously don't understand why you haven't gotten a girl because you seem like the perfect guy to me for reals... I think that maybe your just going for the wrong girls... Like maybe try finding someone like your self, that has the same morals and values and stuff and see where that takes u... But for reals get your confidence back up because you sound like a great guy... :)

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  • ANY guy can get ANY girl. in the beginning, and for most people, its all about the game! its all about the confidence. Girls can see right through you if you have none! id say take a step back from girls, workout, get a new style, do whatever it is that would raise your confidence. Then get back in the game. you can't just go up to someone and ask them out. have her meet YOU. then act like you aren't interested. everyone loves a chase! then when you ask her out, tell her you are taking her out. (if you get a vibe!) and if she turns you down, then think of something clever to say, like, if she says she has a boyfriend, be like "riiiight. mhhmmm" lol idk. go where the ladies go! and if all else fails, get one of your lady friends to pretend to hit on you in front of other girls! lol

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  • major downfal: you cannot loose confidence!

    girls LOVE confidence. adore itt. and with your description, I would hit up a local church group.. like a college group or something. Even if you aren't religious, I know tons of girls that just go there to find genuine guys.. they don't care about how far they have been or looks. its alll personality. So if you have a strong personality, you'll be able to find a gal. I swear :)

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  • I'm sorry about the rejections. They can be a bitch, and make you feel crappy. However, don't ever lose confidence in yourself. You sound like a sweet guy. Look at it this way: maybe the girls that turned you down weren't the right ones for you and wouldn't truly appreciate you. Don't listen to your friends "jokes" either, because I'm sure in the end they'll en up alone. Be yourself and don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with a woman. Ask her how her day is going or what her interests are and take it from there. Good luck and stay true to yourself. There is someone out there for you.

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  • You sound so sweet. how a girl ever said no to you idk...

    just keep trying you will find someone maybe its just the certina people

    your around. I know that my friends and the people I know I wouldn't date, its

    usually the people I doont know then start talking to that I begin to like. i

    or it may chose you just give it time. don't force anything and try to be slik.

    if you like a girl ask her friends what she's like..or what she likes in men.

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  • depends who your talkin to honey if its a easy girl go up to the hoesky and just talk to her like a hoesky if its a ladie tho as myself be slick with your words be open and mysterious be really detailed like notice what she's wearing ABOVE THE WASTE true ladies don't like guys to tellem they got a big ass let her know when your more close to her

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  • Funny & helpful video: link

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  • well just hang out with one and then ask her to hang out outside of work or class or whatever. just pretend you're just attracted toher but you want to keep it as friends. that should make her want more just because your holding back. cool

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  • Be confident. Go up to a woman, smile, and say, "Hi."

    You probably shouldn't expect the girl to be your girl from the get-go.

    Focus on trying to get to know her. Ask her questions, talk less, and you'll appear highly enigmatic and intelligent. Just enjoy the conversation, and you yourself should play hard-to-get.

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  • all you really have to do is be polite

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What Guys Said 7

  • To be frank, I was similar to what you just described. I made minor tweaks in my life: I'm still a kind guy, but I know how to flirt as well as LISTEN.

    My key advice is EXPERIENCE (practice makes perfect). This is going to sound mean, and I apologize to the women this may offend, but in order to build your confidence, you have to start small and work your way up. In this case, you approach less attractive women and practice your conversational skills with them. *If you don't have the confidence to speak to (and attract) a less threatening woman, how are you going to interest a "knock out?"

    I would start here: learn to be honest with yourself, and accept your virtues FIRST.

    Our number one enemy is ourselves (men and women). So what do we do? We have a bad tendency to put ourselves down every time we look in the mirror.

    For you, that's your focal point as of now...LEARN TO COMPLIMENT YOURSELF. That's why so many guys (attractive or not) fail when trying to attract women, they lack confidence in themselves.

    Of course, on the flip-side, you have to come to realization that you have flaws...don't fret, just list what you feel are your flaws (keeping in mind that you need to be HONEST, yet optimisic that these flaws are going to be attended to). Once you analyze your list of flaws, get to work!

    *By flaws, I'm referring to dating/attracting the opposite gender - specific*

    (You notice your hair isn't always groomed? Go online or to a salon and get some advice. You don't have a great sense of style? Go to a department store and ask for advice there.

    All superficial things to help boost your confidence - physically)

    *What helped me with my social confidence (aside from just plain approaching women) was signing up to an Improv group. I'm telling you, THIS HELPS A GREAT DEAL. Read up on some near you, and you'll see why it's helpful in this scenario.

    What I recommend you try next is to use your new-found look (in respects to your personality - don't fake it) and go out into town with ONE friend (who you think is confident enough) and get to work. It's important to PRACTICE!

    The bottom line here is, you need to learn about yourself before you approach women and succeed. Think about it...you can't be a good listener if you're not self-aware. Being self-aware brings security in oneself, and with security, comes confidence. Women are perfectly in-tune with their intuition...they can spot a phony guy immediately. If you ooze confidence, it isn't because you "practiced" being confident, you learn to become confident.

    The only way to learn to become confident is to KNOW WHO YOU ARE and WHERE YOU STAND in life. Once you're secure with your virtues, most of the flaws can be managed.

    **It would also be in your best interest to start working out and asking close female friends of yours some pointers on "interesting/attention-grabbing" conversation topics. Start to exude the NEW, CONFIDENT you, and the rest will follow naturally.

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    • BTW, there is NOTHING wrong with being the nice guy you are (women like polite, genuine guys...girls like the "bad boys," or the douchebags. Think about it.)

      Learn to use interesting conversational points, and LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN...her questions will follow. Once you learn how to properly flirt, the conversation will get easier. I PROMISE.

  • Let me tell you this and please understand because this isn't going to sound simple to you. It is NOT about being the way you are now. Nice, caring, loving, doesn't party. You don't have to smoke or drink, but you have to be a fun go getter in order to be attractive to girls. NICE GUYS FINISH LAST! Let me ask you. How many times have you talked to a girl and you hear the crap like, "Why can't I find a nice good caring guy?", and you were sitting right there?! I am willing to bet that you have been through that at least a couple of times and it's confused you. It's not only about being confident, it's also about being interesting, spontaneous, unpredictable, funny, outgoing, good looking, good dressing, being a challenge, and having some type of luxury. Also it's about knowing what to say. Meeting people is just like going on a job interview. You aren't going to put yourself down. You have to sell yourself and tell them what they want to hear and why they should hire you. Remember, you have other people trying to get in the same possistion that you are trying to get into so you have to stand out. There must be "something about you" in a possitive manner. Talking is good but don't say too much! Ask questions and let them do the talking, but also LISTEN. You don't give unessessary details about you, especially when they didn't ask! The more you say, the less interesting and less challenging you become. Plus girls are always looking for a reason to disqualify you, so tread lightly. You have to keep a girl guessing. Plus, sorry to say this but there is only some forms of truth that you can say to girls. You can't be logical all the time because some forms of logic are against women, you have to go with what works. Honesty is not the best policy. You have to be in command of yourself, love and respect who you are, believe in yourself, and do some showing off. Don't be a doormat and stand your ground. Don't bend and break when she asks or demands something from you that you don't want to do. Women want someone that's going to be a MAN, especially in tight situations. She has to feel secure with you, and know you will protect her in dire situations. You can't be too reliable and you can't available ALL the time. People need space so they have time to miss you. Have your own life and don't smoother her. Don't chase, I can't stress that enough. When you chase it puts them in control and on a pedistal. If she starts to run, let her. Don't let a girl string you along just for her to get her kicks. Last thing I will say is that you have to know a womans' body. Flirt and touch her but don't go too far. Body launguage is important because it speaks as loud as your game. There is much more, but this is to get you started. STOP being the nice guy. What I just described to you is some parts of the alpha male. You hear the phrase, "There are more fish in the sea" all the time, but if you don't have the right bait you will get nowhere. Hope this helps...

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    • wow aside from the part that you lie, that was actually really good advice

    • It's not about lying as far as that part is concerned, but it is about doing the things that is going to be attractive to the opposite sex. Girls have their methods of lying too. Wonder bras, make up, hair, nails ect. All that is for the purpose is to create the fantasy and to be attractive. Many guys will tell you that being honest and truthful doesn't work to get the girls. Should it be that way, no, but it is what it is and it's all about attraction and what works.

  • 1) Open your mouth.

    2) Make all these weird faces with your tongue and mouth and stuff

    3) Blow air out of it

    (optional: vibrate your vocal chords)

    Seriously.. It's as simple as that.. Just say stuff. Stop thinking about WHAT to say, specifically, just go with it.

    And I know, that sounds terribly easy, so here are some general rules:

    1) LIKE yourself, and what you say (that way, you can say the most outlandish things, tease her, etc., and still be confident..)

    Example: you're talking to somebody who's very quiet herself "Wow.. you're not so outspoken are you? Are you shy? Come on, say something cool." "Like what?" *you converse passionately about things that you think are cool then ask her something about herself or whatever*

    2) LISTEN to what the other person is saying (a useful exercise if you're having difficulty is this: when speaking, NOTE THE SUBJECTS she touches upon in her sentence).

    "I'm eating a sandwich with cheese." -> sandwich, cheese, eating

    That way, you

    a) have something to TALK about yourself "ohh cheese, isn't it wonderful? You know france/holland has wonderful cheese? Wine/weed as well.. I'd always want to go there..."

    b) you have something to ASK

    "I bet you have more favorite foods than sandwiches.."

    3) ASK questions. Even when you're talking. "Oh man, this and that is so cool. You know anything about it?" "No" "Oh man, come, what's your email/msn address? I'll mail something to you, you're gonna find it awsome. Say, you're more of a cat-person are you?"

    "Oh man.. I just love judo/badminton/whatever.. Have you ever played that?" "No/Yes" "Ohh, you gotta come with me sometime, we're gonna have so much fun.. What's your phone number/msn/email address"

    See?

    This is a useful pattern anyhow: Whatever you're talking about, TELL something yourself, then ASK something to her.

    TELL -> ASK.

    TELL -> ASK

    TELL -> ASK

    4) Tease to please. Pun for fun. Humor to... Pumor?

    Simple as that.. Every opportunity you get, turn it into something YOU find funny. If she says something stupid, bust her balls. If you have a pun you find hilarious, say it. HAVE FUN BY HAVING FUN WITH WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

    So, in summary:

    1) Trust yourself.

    2) In your mind, enumerate the subjects for further conversation

    3) Tell -> Ask

    4) HAVE FUN WITH IT!

    Now, have a great day and don't forget to keep us updated on how stuffs are going a'ight? ;p

    Tim

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  • Your what women would call a catch, but your not telling the entire story, and that is why no one can give you good advice, your messing up somewhere, and that is why you keep getting rejected, and it can be as little as the way your dress, do your dress normal, do you have a normal hair cut, when you approach, how do you approach , what do you say to women, there are so many different factors going on here, and one them is the key to why your getting rejected all the time.

    You can send me a personal message, explaining to me your entire process, or you can stop and think about what your doing, or saying, and then find out at what point does the girl say no, and once you figure it out, you will know the reason why your getting rejected.

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  • Confidence man, gotta get the confidence up. I can see how getting rejected can be frustrating, but you shouldn't give up. A great way to get your confidence up as well as improve your look obviously is to hit the gym 2 or more times a week and eat a good diet (plus you will feel better). Also if youf hair cut is bad you may want to get a more female desirable hair cut. Sounds like your friends might be bringing you down somewhat as well' ignore them or get new friends.

    Also it could be that you are just growing out of your awkward stage that a lot of young people have.

    Another thing is women in their early 20s I've found tend to want to go out and just be desired by as many men as possible. They just want that attention to feel pretty I guess. This ends after a few years and most calm down and want a more stable guy. It may be hard for you to tame a girl in this wild state. GL

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  • Woman love CATS

    Confidence, Approach, Teasing & Sexiness

    Do these 4 things and she'll be putty in your hands..

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  • I was just like you, and had the same types of friends and problems. My advice. Don't rush things, don't go for looks, don't race with your friends, and just wait for that one girl you just can't live with out. Trust me when you find someone you truly love you'll know, and you won't shy away from it, it will just naturally come, it's weird.

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