Need advice addressing someone about online dating profile.

This could be my final stand so be considerate and only constructive comments. So about a couple months now I have been dating someone who is very special to me. Everything flows great she only has been flaky a few times but we seemed on a road to a real relationship. I have done nothing wrong not clingy or nothing I did everything right. I just can't get over the fact that she is checking her dating profiles (Match/Plenty of Fish) and does not bother to contact me not online but on the phone. I had a feeling I was going to have to fight for her and I'm doing so just not sure how long I continue this self destruction with having feelings for her. Seems like I am only a option and I don't know what to do or address this.

Updates:
(cont) Below is a update under dragon fly's comment. As from past posts I stated we slept in the same bed with no intimate contact because I didn't want to have her look at me like a guy who just was looking for sex and that's it. cont
I always had to initiate all the dates and calls and text messages. I but only got 2 calls form her in a couple months everything else was me initiating the everything. I suppose I knew I could not make my dreams come true with this person.
My other questions are in my profile that coincide with this question. I guess I should of told her my feelings sooner. I have to let her know how I feel before this gets worse. I don't deserve this but I can't take it anymore being a test or not.
My birthday was a few days ago and she never even bothered to contact me but yet checks the dating sites. I never been more depressed for my birthday like I did the other day. My only cure is lifting weights at the gym for the moment. Its my only escape.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ask her to take it down. Tell her you've noticed it and that it bothers you. There is no point in being with someone who abuses your trust in this manner. If she wants to be with you it isn't going to be an issue, if she doesn't want to be with you, it's better to find out now, before you are even more emotionally invested.

    If she's dating you and still "fishing", she's just not that into you and is using you until the next best thing comes along, if she is that into you, she'll take it down without issue.

    Good luck!

    PS: This isn't about controling someone's behavior, its about trust and respect. There isn't a control issue here, there's a respect issue. Big difference.

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    • Thanks I feel like a back up guy which is messed up. I feel more then abused but its nothing new maybe that's why I become so bitter with relationships is because of the tormenting I take .This is going to be extremely hard to get over but for the facts I did all the right things a man looking for a relationship would do. I did not move fast, was not clingy or needy, a few compliments here and there not overdoing it. Paid for out entertainment. (cont)

    • I don't feel respected and going out on a limb too for her I just feel like I'm nothing to her. I really opened up for someone just to get thrown back into darkness. I also got questioned and penalized for only having a few girlfriends. What does she want me to be a std infested player who cares less for women.

What Girls Said 2

  • She was also an option in a way for you, before you realized you really care for her more, that is why we date. So let her find this out on her own (if she cares enough for you to want only you, and if she does not; be patient, live your life and keep yourself visible to her, but not to the point where she starts to avoid you, to get some time to herself). Let go, and show your confidence through improving yourself, for yourself. Be nice to her but do not let her take your kindness for granted, know your limits, if she starts to like you these limits change. Kind of like your walls coming down, She will gain your trust, and you will gain her trust=relationship. This is the dating game, you have to test the waters to see if it is safe to jump in. If you feel you cannot trust her, since you mentioned she has the dating site profiles still (she could be looking for friends and network too on those sites like most do on Facebook) it will be hard to build a solid relationship, so ask yourself if you want to go with your gut, or wait and see. Which is a good lesson too for future relationships; that is, if you care to stay with her. There are lots of possibilities, but your options are minimal; Talk to her, communicate let her know how you feel; no emotional drama, but calm collected discussion about how you do not feel like she is as serious about your relationship with her as you are. Tell her how you feel about her now (think about it before, see if that is true or are you attached), and if you choose to be there for her). Go straight for the source, and find out what you have been wondering about her feelings.

    Best wishes!

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    • Thank you I appreciate the answer. I've been continuing on with life as usual I just think that if she cared for me she would reach out to make that effort and so far I have not seen it. I will follow this as best I can. As for the dating sites I don't think its for friends/networking. When I quit Match.com there were women that wanted to meet me or make contact but I never responded due to the fact I care for this girl I have been dating. I just don't want to give up.

  • Be careful, you never know when this might happen link

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What Guys Said 2

  • Communication is the key. Just make sure you don't sound like you're trying to control her.

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    • I would not think of controlling her just don't want any other guys in the picture. Same with me I don't check mine anymore but left it there so she knew I still had access. Only thing I addressed awhile back was that why was it on there after I initially deleted mine her reply was for entertainment not really questioning that anymore I dropped the subject. I know Plenty of fish and Match have guys that are straight up looking for call girls so that what got me concerned.

    • Yeah I know you don't want to control her but if you ask her to get rid of it, that's what she will think. I would just have an honest conversation with her. If you don't feel comfortable enough with her to talk to her about it, you're gonna have some real problems when bigger issues come up.

    • I will address it I'm not afraid to let her know what I think. My thing is I just don't want jealousy to take control she says she has lots of guy friends and my instinct is if they invade what I'm after I want to deal with it via the wrong way meaning wanting to go beat the other guys up. This is how I have always have been. To tip it off I seen her MySpace which still has pics of the ex. More stress added to this current dilemma.

  • It's time you both talk about this matter. Because she's hurting your feelings. You should get it done asap.

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    • I will in the next few days just need to re-group I'm spinning out of control and just don't know what to do but become reclusive once again and be unhappy.

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