Whatever happened to actual DATES?

It seems as if these days many guys don't want to put in any effort. They want to do the bare minimum and still get the maximum (you know what I'm talking about)! Like if a guy wants to hang out with you, he will ask you to come over and "chill" instead of out somewhere on a date. This obviously isn't all guys, but enough for me to get frustrated and ask this question lol.

And chill means = watch a movie/smoke/etc/ then have sex

It's not like we have to go to some 5 star restaurant that requires a reservation, but come on.

And then they act surprised or get mad when you say no! I would say yes if he asked me somewhere, but if you say "chill" or reference anything about me going to your house or you going to mine then basically he's telling you he only wants to do one thing right? To me it is kind of insulting because I don't think I give off vibes that leads one to believe that that's all I'M interested in or have to offer.

I am not demanding or anything, but how much is it to ask that you put some effort in trying to get to know a girl before you expect sex? It's hard out here in the dating world.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have to agree with you. Chivalry is almost dead. American culture has deluted any sense or ideology of "courting" or "romance." As you pointed out, a lot of them are after JUST sex and there are plenty of girls more than willing. So therefore, the guys don't feel obligated to put in much effort to win a girl over because a lot of girls are insecure, easy, needy, clingy, and desperate for any guy that will give them attention. Standards, morals, and values have also been compromised in this country. So the point is: they don't put in the effort because there isn't a high demand from the girls they encounter.

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    • So what are girls who have high standards to do? Import a mail order bride from a country where guys know how to treat a girl? j/k

      I do feel a little hopeless about meeting a decent guy though.

What Guys Said 5

  • This is sort of related to the question but sort of not: I agree with you but I've noticed girls are equally as bad when it comes to dates, just for different reasons. Like how I like to plan things out is to go to the waterfront. It's an outdoor shopping mall here in Pittsburgh with the biggest movie theater in the city, a Border's, a Starbuck's, a Dave & Buster's, and about 15 different restaurants in the $20-$30 per person range. Grab a movie, head to one of the restaurants, and maybe go to Dave & Busters after for some games. But no, the girls are like "umm, how bout we just hang out at the mall"? It makes me come off as being clingy or something for wanting me to do something kinda nice on a first date when they don't. And also, IS IT TOO HARD TO NOT WEAR PERFUME WHEN THE GUY TELLS YOU BEFOREHAND THAT HES ALLERGIC?

    Sorry, started on a rant there. Anyway, sorta related to your question, sorta not.

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  • Well for me I ALWAYS ask the girl to go grab some food with me (somewhere public, I want the situation to be comfortable for her AND me, notice I didn't say "go on a date". I do this because I don't want to put pressure on the "date" part. I just want it to be casual (but at the same time I flirt with her and build my own attraction to her according to how I feel about her when she talks about herself, personality, likes/dislikes...ladi da...) so I can get a vibe of her real self, to find a NATURAL attraction.

    ps. I'm sorry some guys do this to you..."let's chill"...so LAME! I know that this does NOT work and just want to let you know that some of us out there know this.

    pss. Would you comment on how you WOULD like a "date" to go from your perspective. Does "a date" put pressure on you specifically or do you actually want that pressure...just curious.

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  • The reason why it is dead is because say if you don't find a connection the dinner date would be very painful for you to put up with a stranger. As much as guys the change has been incorporated for the benefit of the girls too and I know exactly when and how this change took place and I can tell you that it's not to disrespect women but to give an opportunity to flee to both parties at any time. You obviously don't want to spend time with a stranger you are not attracted too.

    As for myself, my strategy is doing something cool like bowling or something and maybe a cup of coffee the first time we hang out and if I see things are going great and we are sharing a wonderful connection go for something more romantic and elaborate. Let me know if you have any questions. It's an interesting aspect of modern society you brought up. I would gladly engage in the discussion.

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    • Well it doesn't have to be dinner..bowling and coffee is cool. That's still a date

      I was meaning instead of going on a date, the guy asks you to come to his house and "chill". WTF that is not a date, just an excuse to end up hooking up.

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    • Yeah guys who are like 25 do that. I was wondering if people even still date anymore? lol

    • Yeah guys obviously still date. Haha. Just that the days of "expensive first dates" are over. The types of guys you are meeting are plain jerks. Who says that - "Let's watch a DVD and then lets "Chill"." That's hilarious.

  • That's a very beautiful statement, but lets not lump the a$shole$ in with the decent guys. With the last girl, whom I actually liked, I tried to do the right thing: a few dates before it got close to very sexual. At the end of the "perfect first date" we made out and I left it at that. There was no second date. I tried asking a few times, only to get a sorry I can't go text the next day - I could take the hint. It's too bad for her because I was planning something really special. Oh well.

    Back to your question: Chivalry is not dead. You just aren't looking in the right places.

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    • Where should I look? Decent guys should be put on the endangered species list because they honestly are very rare. It's not like I choose to date or meet assholes. If I could screen them all out before even speaking to them I would.

      And after meeting so many assholes, it's kind of hard to not lump all decent guys with them. Like there could be a guy who seems like he's great but then he turns out to be like everyone else =/ So what is a girl to do

    • The thing is sometimes people try too hard and usually get disappointed in the end because they set a high standard that cannot be reached. That's why I'm currently in a "when it happens, it happens" plan - can't get upset, if I don't see it coming. :-) And people turn out like assholes because you let your infatuation blind you from seeing faults that you would normally despise. So what is a girl to do? You can always come up here to NYC and I'll give you dates you won't ever forget. :-D

    • That's the approach I'm trying to take too. Not get invested or really care anymore lol. Send me a plane ticket haha!

  • I'm totally agree with you , I'm just a guy who try his best all the time to find a girl the kind you're talking about , I'm also not into the bar scene , I tried the online sites but the same problem ,

    trying to put more effort for girls but its useless .

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What Girls Said 3

  • i would have to agree with you on these beyond believe most guys just want to watch movie . smoke pot. drink then have sex. And it makes us women only think they want one thing like even as a child like middle school I remember people always saying guys only want one thing so maybe this theory could be true. I could settle for going a nice not fancy restrant and have a good time talking rather than watching movies and all that nanny stuff it just doesn't seem right. I don't think ur giving off a wrong vibe for the men I think that most men are just plane stupid.

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  • Dates are kind of boring. I mean I've always liked going somewhere, but I usually pick a bar. Having dinner with someone you don't know isn't really that fun. I think guys have figured this out.

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    • I like variety too, but how do you really get to know someone if you never really sit down and talk or spend real time together? If I wanna go party I have my girls for that.

  • it is so sad of wht our country has turned into all the men have turne into ass holes and the woman sluts(just the majority). I really wish chivalry would still be alive.im almost jealous by stories my grandma has told me in the past about dates she has had and when she met her true love my grandpa.its so sad that most of us will never be able to experience those long forgoten traditions.

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