Are guys really that shallow that they won't date someone with a child?

I'm just getting really frustrated and depressed. As some of you may know, my ex and I broke up and I'm having a hard time with it. So, I went back on the dating site where I met him hoping to find the same luck (we met in a week).

Well, its been 3 weeks and no luck. all the guys I'm interested in aren't in me and I'm starting to think its because I have a child (most of them do not). My ex had a son, but never saw him. So, he was free to do what he wanted. Yet, he accepted my daughter and it didn't seem to bother him in the slightest. After a while, she would even come with me on the weekends and we would stay at his place. We were like a family.

I'm starting to think I got EXTREMELY lucky finding him (which of course makes me super depressed that I lost him). I'm going to need to find a guy that is willing to do a lot of things with my daughter. She is 8, so she can do a lot of things (like rollercoasters, bowling, mini golf, movies etc.).

This, I believe, is a tall order. Most guys I'm meeting do not have children, or at the very least have free time. I have my daughter 24/7 (father hasn't been around in 6 yrs). My mom watches her a lot for me to go do things, but its not like I have every other weekend to myself like most single mothers do.

Am I asking to much of someone to be wtih me, and accept I have a daughter and to change the way they normally do things (such as more things involving a child). Will I ever find someone that will be like my ex and accept the situation?

She is my world. I love her to death and she is such an awesome kid that it hurts to think men are rejecting me because of her. what do you all think? guys especially? thanks

Updates:
just wanted to mention one more thing. From the time my daughters father left, it took me 5 YEARS to find my ex. 5 YEARS to find ONE person who I thought could be "the one". I don't want it to take another 5 years :(
ok guys. thanks for all the answers. but honestly, sounds like I don't have much hope. I had my daughter, and I don't regret her. I love her to death, and I guess its looking like I won't have much luck. Still think it's sad that guys wouldn't give me achance
wanted to let everyone know that I am currently TALKING, nothing else to 2 guys from the dating site that know about my daughter and they don't seem to mind. Being very careful and I WILL NOT let them meet my daughter for months.
Let me clarify that I shouldn't have used the world "shallow". Its more like " why do they not want date someone with a child". And you guys have been giving great responses. So sorry if it was offending anyone

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Most Helpful Guy

  • There are guys out there willing to date you regardless of you having a child. Me? I dunno. I'd feel weird in the dad role and dating you would ultimately end up being that :P But, if I really was interested in you because of your personality or whatever, I'd just suck it up and get over it. It wouldn't be that big of a deal to me.

    And ya, trying to date a mother really is a pain, especially if the child is young. They need to be around their child a lot (it's good for the child's growth). This is why people really need to take things slow (not saying you didn't) when it comes to sex. Cause if you get pregnant (or get someone pregnant) you've pretty much going to HAVE to either abort, put up for adoption, or basically sacrifice everything and be with them as much as possible if you want to raise a good child. If you don't you're going to raise a bad one and show how terrible you are (You don't sound terrible at all). But ya, it might not be they're not immature about a child, just they've realized how difficult it is to really form a strong relationship with someone who has a child since the child always will make plans unstable.

    It's great you love your daughter though :) sounds like you're a good mom. Just keep at it, 3 weeks isn't that long. Keep at it, I'm sure you'll find someone. Don't give up, keep trying. You'll find the guy right for you who isn't going to let anything keep you from being with you. Then the relationship will be great. Pity the father left... you ever try getting legal action against him btw? I mean, get him to pay child support at least?

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    • yeah he pays support. and I've dated people since he left, but the only serious one was my most recent ex and he was the most understanding and accepting of me having a child. so yeah, I know a lot of guys would date me, but finding it more and more difficult to find them. and yes, I'm a great mom. I will never settle for anything less that I deserve and what my daughter deserves. and my daughter is older...she is 8.

    • Well, you'll find someone soon I'm sure :) and be happy you're an awesome mom. That's more important imo.

What Guys Said 35

  • Not all of them.

    As a date, you do from time to time want to be the most important person in your partner's life. In your situation, they have to accept that they will generally (rightly) not have that position.

    I think accepting that a child's needs are more important than your own is a great deal more natural to people if the child is their own. For younger guys it may be harder to accept if the child is not. For that reason I think you are more likely to find more hapiness with someone who either has care of their own kids for at least part of the time, or who is a bit older than the young end of the range you have looked at.

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  • Don't force your self on every guy you meet, who knows you'll find the right guy..if you need stability for the sake of your kid..be patient and wait date other guys and be open about your situation..you deserve to be cared for and be loved. Most men that are not yet committed would just use you and leave you later..but somewhere along the way some guy will fit your needs hope and pray. but for now focus your attention on your child even as a single parent.

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    • As I've said take your time and care for your child, I know what it feels like being uncared no special someone to be with..but if you really want to meet someone it won't take 5 years..probably you need to fix something about yourself workout..chat on line just mingle with new people =)

    • your not a hopeless case, your feeling down because you've been in worst situations, I admire you because you love your daughter..some women left with a child would jump on another relationship and neglect the needs and attention of a child. cheer up there's someone out there just be more optimistic and pick yourself up stop sulking on past mistakes

    • that's good..one small step at a time..but you have to be open about you having a child..if a guy can't accept that then better off with him

  • below is something I posted here to another person on about the same question but mauy be applicable here. you may or may not agree with what I say however . I'm giving you a true account of what happened to me.

    for some reason I landed on this page with a lot of the same question as you've posted lol

    let me tell some don't mind at all , for example I'm one, my wife and I have been together now for 40 yrs. she had a 1 year old daughter at the time I met her 6 months latter we were married. had two more daughters . have 5 grandkids 4 boys and and a girl whose the youngest at present.

    i think what I put here says it all on your questions. you said you wanted honest answers why or why not ,below is just food for thought take it for what its worth but*ts from my heart.

    i know what I'm about to say on this is not popular thought in most girls in your age group (18-24)

    the next guy chose from a differenttype guy than what your ex: was.

    most likely he was one of the following types of a type.

    he was controlling

    maybe abusive word or physical

    cheated (which also includes lieing(sp))

    he was either a jock popular guy / badboy type / a player / or just a plain jerk all share some if not all of the above traits and more (negative type traits that is)

    well what type of guy should you choose then?

    well I was back in the 1960's girls would discribe me as "that nice sweet guy with the wavy hair"

    ya, I was one of those nice guys that got over looked in high school by girls because I had the nice guy qualities. and we all know how girls in the age bracket of (14-24) what they think and feel about nice guys .

    LOL ...

    but consider this girls/women by the time they reach 25 or older (some maybe younger if smart)

    realize that the nice guys weren't such a bad deal all along. most of these guys haven't as a rule changed one iota from when they were in high school.these women 25 and older also state on line and encourage younger women not to make the same mistakes they did and love their geeky nerdy sweet nice shy quiet guys to pieces

    yet its also a proven fact that these same guys are better fathers, husbands ,and providers . also 95% of the time they do not cheat on their partners (they maybe at times cheated on but its rare)

    you ask for honest answers to your questions , these are I know pretty expliet answers and detailed to a degree. yet I posted my expierence on this and I am a nice guy which wound upo with a wonderful women to boot. is our life a fairy tale ...lol far from it we have our ups and downs in this relationship but we work them out.

    hopefully my post has been of some help to you make some wise choices this next time with a guy.

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  • I know what it's like to be on those sites and to worry if you'll ever find someone who'll just take in everything, but don't give up hope, someone's out there.

    But yet, I'm one of those guys who'd pass over someone like yourself, and yes, it is because you have a daughter. You could be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and I'd still have to move on. No, it's not because you had a daughter, it's not that specific reason itself, it's more that (while I'm probably out of the age range you're searching for anyway) I'm not ready to be a father yet (economically, emotionally, mentally, etc), and I wouldn't want to become so involved with you that your daughter gets involved and then if it doesn't work out, what's that say to your daughter. I'm not ready for that responsibility.

    It's great that you're looking for someone else, I think, and I hope you find him, I really do. Maybe in a couple years I'd be ready to meet someone like yourself, but at this point in time, I'm still trying to get my life together lol. It really may not be you, really.

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  • There are guys who will and guys who won't. I can say honestly I have no children and would prefer the woman I find to not have children with some other guy already. Some guys don't have kids and don't want kids, others don't want kids that aren't their own biological kids.

    The ones I would worry about are the ones who don't want kids from another man around, but they are into you so they are putting up with your daughter to be with you. Then if you have a kid with them, they might start to treat your daughter poorly and play favorites with their own child.

    If I met the right woman who already had a kid or kids then I would give it an honest try but I don't think you are going to have the same connection with non-biological kids and I think a lot of people (guys AND girls) would agree with me.

    Sorry you're having a hard time, I know what it's like to lose a great love and it feels like you're kind of screwed but really your best bet I think is to make a life and try to work on yourself and being happy WITHOUT anyone else and then when the right man shows up you will be the right woman for him. :)

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    • it sounds like you are saying that because I had a child, I'm sh*t out of luck and I screwed myself?

    • I'm not saying you're SOL; your situation is not hopeless. I'm just being honest and telling you that most men are not seeking out women who already have kids. I have dated moms and I love kids, but my ideal partner would not have kids, like me. I think it's good that the guys you are meeting are conscientious and self aware enough to not get involved with you rather than try to be in a relationship they are not ready for.

  • I'm just reading your post for the first time. It was very well written, by the way. I can be that guy, and really take care of you. That's what I do. I wish you the best!

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    • Wow thank you so much for the kind answer. I'm actually surprised people are still responding to it. I'm actuAlly OK now with the whole situation. I've been getting a lot of jerks contacting me on the dating site and Its making me want to be single now. I know I have a difficult personality which makes it more difficult for me to find someone to love me...but I refuse to give up hope. Thanks again for your sweet answer.

  • Yes most guys can be shallow. I know I am but it only goes as far as what a girl looks like and how she treats others or if people are out to use others for what they have. (Money wise that is) I myself have never had a problem dating a girl with a child or even more than one. Unfortunately I never had much money and believed that you don't have to have money to be happy. Don't settle for a Smith talked but on the same note don't shut down a guy cause he doesn't have a lot to offer but his heart and his time. Good luck and take care.

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  • It would depend on three important things:

    >How I was attracted to her (her personality etc, etc)

    >How old the child was

    >How my life would be at that moment

    But I don't exclude it at all.

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    • Thank u. I agree how old the child is would be a big facter. Luckily, my daughter is older so hopefully more guys will be more willing to date me.

    • That depends on her age then: I think a stepfather should be well acquainted and accepted before the child starts its puberty, to avoid running into a brick wall or guerilla warfare.

      To be really well acquainted and fully accepted I'd count ca 5 or 6yrs. Puberty starts around 12, thus children more than 5 or 6 years old might be a problem. :)

  • your so young.

    Go about your business as normal.

    You had the kid.

    So go about your life with the kid.

    The kid is not the subject , when starting out dating.

    Dating is a great past time. Marriage is great lifer.

    So, get a babysitter, no excuses.

    Go date men your age.

    Your expecting marriage, even before a1st date.

    Leave your loved one , out of the dating process.

    Reason, do not want to scare the bait.

    I know your whole life involves the baby.

    If you want more you need to work & pay more for the great past time.

    No one has to know of your baby.

    Just present yourself for dating, when a date approaches.

    This includes leaving the diapers at home, baby shampoo 2.

    Get a camera , have some shots of you to show him, not baby.

    It may even involve you to get out there. Get your hair done!

    Choose an ultimate time for your next date.

    So,the date can be just you 2.

    As time goes on , in the dating process, you can introduce your prize only when you feel comfy with the date.

    maybe day's, week's or even a year .

    Just remember it is not the date's kid, it is your's.

    I can advise much more if you need me to.

    just message me sometime.



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    • thanks for your answer. but I will NEVER hide my daughter. that is so wrong. I'm not embarrassed of her and its unfair to date someone for months, having them fall in love with me and then say "oh btw...i have a kid". I would never ever do that. anyone who would do that is messed up and not a good person. if me having a daughter scares them off, then I guess that shows me that they werent meant for me. I will always be upfront with guys about my life.

    • Just present yourself, in a dating opportunity.

      Date's need not no of your baby.

    • oh well yeah, I mean, if someone comes up to me at a bar and we start to talk, I'm not going to INSTANTLY be like "oh by the way I have a kid". but if he would say "would you like to have dinner sometime" I would say "yes, but you should know I have a kid" because why the hell am I going to waste my time and his if he isn't okay with that? sorry, just doesn't make sense

  • Speak of yourself as a lover first and foremost and not of your "roles" in other peoples' lives. Once men know youare their lovers they are more willing to play other roles than "lover" to you including being a good friend to your child and good supportive companion to your child's mother.

    Hope this helps a little !

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  • Right now, I wouldn't be interested exactly...but I'm a 20 year old who had to take a break from college (im moving out of my rents house and rent is expensive so I'm gonna save for a while before I go back to skool next fall). I'm just not ready to date someone who would expect me to become a father figure soon, But this is only a time issue,5 years from now...or whenever I finish scholl pretty much and I'm established on my own...I'd have no problem dating a girl with a kid. I love children..and I can tell you that I respect you so much more than women who have been in your shoes but had an abortion...Infact I'd never date a girl that had an abortion unless she knew it was mistake and regretted it. So, 5 years from now, I defintely would not let having a child be an issue. It's just for rite now that I would feel intimidated by it.

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    • thank you so much. All of the guys that I'm interested in are 25-33 yrs. so I would think they would understand that A LOT of women by that age have children. But, your answer really gave me some hope that there are guys out there that wouldn't mind. And thanks for saying you respect me. Abortion would NEVER have been an option. I got pregnant early, and I realize that this may be a consequence of that. just was hoping more guys wouldn't mind.

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    • well I hope you do too...if you don't..just wait a few years and drop me a message ;) lol

    • lol I will :)

  • Yeah it probably is frustrating for you and I wish you luck. Now, to answer your question. Personally, for me (I can only answer for myself obviously haha) I would be reluctant to date a girl with a kid. Not necessarily because she had a kid but because of how difficult it would be relating to each other. I'm 23 and I've never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend (let alone had sex) and she already had a kid, we'd be in totally different stages of life. I know a lot of guys might not be quite as inexperienced as I am, but probably a lot of them are not quite ready to date a girl with a child. It doesn't make them bad people or "shallow" it just is what it is, not every person is right for everyone. I do however know several guys who are dating girls with kids so it does happen.

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  • It also depends on the guy's financial and social standing. For example before I open myself up to dating single moms I want to have a full time job to support them. I'm in college and I have a crush on a single mom and I thought I was receiving signals from her but I can't act on them. I'd just end up feeling like a burden. She could afford to take me out to nicer places than I could. So you know, it's harder for you to overcome guy's stigmas but I'm sure there are plenty of guys willing to date you.

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  • It's only been 3 weeks and you are complaining? You have a child, it's not going to be easy to find someone that you like , who likes you, and who is OK with you having a kid. I mean, if you expect it to take only 3 weeks, you gotta come back to reality !

    But, of course there is plenty of guys who will be perfectly OK with you having a kid. Just as long as they are into you big time they will likely at least think about giving it a try with you and our kid.

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    • yes I do realize its only been 3 weeks and I should be giving it more time. But I guess because I found my ex within a week, I thought I'd have the same luck. you know? And yes, I know most guys that DONT have kids probably would PREFER a woman without any, but nowadays, its hard to find someone with no children. thank you for your answer and for saying that there are at least some guys that would be okay with it

    • sure you are a little frustrated and that's understandable, but I'm sure you'll find a great guy who turns a good person to you and your child! Cheers!

  • I dated a girl with a child (although I didn't really ever see us ending up together) and for a while, I wanted to work things out with an ex and she had a child so no, not all guys are that shallow. Also, I have a stepfather so that's even further proof...

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  • There are lot of factors men look at in general when a woman has a child. How old is the child, at what age did the woman have the child, was she married, etc. All of these things play into a man's psyche. Also a lot of men who want to settle down want to start their own families you coming to the table with a family already in place can be a turn off to a lot of guys. I’m not saying you and your child aren’t great but that’s just the reality of the situation. Not to mention if things get serious he'll have to be a father figure to the child, additional financial responsibility, it's a lot to think about it has nothing to do with men being shallow. At the same time there are guys out there that are willing to have a relationship with a woman who has a child but you're going to have to be patient.

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  • I like how you ask as if the kid is just a "tiny" add-on. I think it has a lot more to do with than just being "shallow".

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    • I'm sorry if I should know what you mean, but I don't. I don't believe I made it seem like a "tiny" add-on.

  • yeah, I just wanted to comment on your use of terminology and logic. being shallow has nothing to do with a guy wanting to be with a women and her child. its the fact that the man has to take on the responsibility of another mans child. not many men do this, but I wish you the best of luck in your search. plus the fact that the guy will eventually have to deal with the real father of the child.

    there will always be that link between the father and the child, until death really. its too bad you can't make it work with the father

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  • not dating a girl with a child isn't at all shallow, I don't think you know the definition of the word...

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    • why the hate? shallow means you only care about looks or care too much about looks, a girl having a child has nothing to do with her looks.

  • iv dated tons of mums, I love women with kids. then I can play the daddy role without having any real responsibilty. I will be an awesome father one day though

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    • i like this answer. I think the misconception that both women (without kids) and guys are having is that they think the women with kids automatically want someone to be a father to the child. and that isn't true. yeah, I'm looking for "the one", but if I date a guy I'm not going to want to marry him or want him to be a father to be daughter for a long time. I don't even plan on introducing them to my daughter for a long time. I'd make sure its a serious relationship first. thanks for your answer.

    • thats a good plan. iv seen so many women with kids introduce their kids to every guy they meet, date or sleep with, it ends up having really bad effects on the children.

  • There are guys out there like your ex that would be fine with you having a child. But I'm sure as you know, you having a child means you have some baggage...that's not a bad thing to all guys though. I think the issue is more that you are using an online dating site. When people view those profiles they see an "about me" kinda thing. There is no attachment, those men don't know you and it is easy to say "eh, she has a kid. nah." If they got to know you personally they might change their minds completely. I say keep it up and maybe try dating a few other ways. Someone is out there for you tho. Don't give up.

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    • Thank u! I never really thought about that, but your probably right about the dating site thing. There are some guys that have no preference if their date has kids, but most have no, they don't want them to have kids. But, of course, most guys that don't have kids would PREFER someone without. But it doesn't necessarily mean a deal breaker. So thank you for bringing reality back.

  • I personally don't care, but at this point in my life I don't want to have to act like a father yet, so as long as the woman takes complete care of the kid when we're dating there's no problem

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    • Awesome...completely understandable! Thanks.

  • No, not at this point

    1. If I was with a girl who had a kid, I'd then feel like I'd have to play war with the kid's biological father, unless of course the father is the type of guy guy who deserves to get his balls cut off.

    2. I don't really like the need of feeling I have to support one, especially when you don't know if you'll marry this girl, then your money is BOOM GONE.

    At a later point,

    1. If I was divorced at an age of 22-32 and she had kids and I did yeah, because there's an even support, I look after hers, she looks after mine.

    2. I CERTAINLY DON'T PLAN THIS. but if I had a kid and not with his/her mother, then yes I would because again, even support.

    Also in general at this point, how much time would you be able to spend with the girl if she had one, you couldn't go out a lot, because babysitters etc, lots of them, and if you can't get one, no date etc.

    That's my way of looking at it, hope it helped.

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  • some guys will some wont. I always say I won't but the truth is, I know I would if she is a good person..if she's nice and sweet and so is her child then yes I will.

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  • I might, :) it seems like it would be an interesting life! I would love to have my own money support though

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  • Maybe they don't want to have those responsibilities yet in life, or they just find it scary.

    My uncle for once dated this mother but dumped her because her kids were brats and would boss her around.

    Doesn't help you probably but it's some information.

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  • To many guys Children= responsibility. If you find a guy who is willing to accept a child when they are young count your blessings because it is rare! You have a grown up type of life with grown up responsibilities which most men are intimidated by cause they don't want to feel uncomfortable having that responsibility however cute she might be! Keep the faith. Have an open mind and the right situation with the right man will present itself!

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    • Thanks for your answer but something you said really depressed me. You said if I find someone, count my blessings. It makes me really sad because I was with something who seemed to accept her. I wonder if I lost a good man. But I'm not sure. He sometimes seemed to be very annoyed by my daughter, always telling me how I should be raising her. Also, he was responsible with himself in the beginning,but then lost his job and didn't even LOOK for work for many months. In your opinion, was he a rare 1 or deceivin

    • It seems as if losing his job might have him stressed out right now. Possibly once his finds work things will improve. You probably do have a great guy but guys want to contribute to any situation financially. If the money is not coming in everything will be affected. Raise your daughter as you have been. When things improve sit down with him and try to discuss things. Communication is important!

    • theres no hope for communication. I've already told him everything. and he has made it clear. also, he wasn't a great guy. he slapped me twice, SCREAMED in my face to the point I'd have his spit all over my face and he would refuse to let me wipe it off, pinned me up against walls, pinned me down on my bed, gave me black and blue marks on wrists and uppers arms from grabbing me so tight. so although he was a good guy to accept my daughter, he wasn't a good guy with everything else.

  • Just as long as you don't show him you have feelings for your then your good.

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  • I find it ironic that you almost never hear of a woman dating a single man with children...

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    • and you almost never hear of men dating single mothers unless they themselves already have children. same scenario.

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    • I'm in that situation (early widower with older kids, one still at home). I have a new partner and had dates from about 18 months into being single again. Now admittedly the girls I saw were older people who had either had family or decided they never wanted kids, but it does happen.

      I guess there aren't many single dads where a couple splits, because women get more of the custody time when that happens.

      It also doesn't hurt as a solvent older guy not to be seen as a financial risk.

    • im dating a man with a child. he told me upfront and it didn't put me off because I fell for him. yes its a responsibility. I'm only 20 but I rose up to it because he means the world to me and so therefore so does his daughter without question. he puts her first and I've told him that's what I always want. its not always easy when id love to have more time alone with him but its something I am content with and I do everything I can to be a help in the relationship

  • I just want to add that I will not go for a girl with a child. I do not because many times, the single woman with children are sexy woman that would not give me a chance in the world. But they gave a really hot guy a chance to f*** them without a condom. Woman who are younger and are single with kids should have made better decisions earlier in life!

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 11

  • I have a child and it has not affected my ability to date or find a relationship. However, I would never, ever introduce my daughter to someone until after we were in a committed relationship.

    Now, I see it is not easy for you to have time without your daughter, but unless you can figure that one out, you are going to struggle to date. No guy is going to want to instantly play the role of father. That is just too much to ask. Once they fall in love with you, you have a different story on your hands but even then you may find varying levels of interest in being a father. Obviously, chose your guy carefully.

    So, I disagree with the assessment that guys are shallow. You need to face reality that dating is about you and the guy getting to know each other, not about putting a man in the super uncomfortable position of having to consider fatherhood when he barely has any idea about how he feels about you.

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  • I wouldn't consider it shallow that someone doesn't want to date someone with a child. I think some folks are just at different places in their life and something that is a wonderful gift in your life(your daughter),may be deemed as burdenous or a major responsibility in someone elses.When some people hear the word "child", so many thoughts may enter their head if they don't have one. I'm just being honest,i wouldn't date a guy that has a child for numerous reasons,a couple being: "I am still completely selfish...i don't want to feel like I have to babysit or be a "responsible adult" in this childs life."..."oh no,i don't want this person to try and move quickly with me because they want another parent in this childs life."..."I don't want to deal with the mother of this child...whats she like anyway?It doesn't matter,i don't want to be involved." I'm not saying everyone thinks like this...but I do. And I think maybe some of the guys you are coming across may have the same thought process. It just has a lot to do with where the two parties are in their lives. I'm sure you will find someone like your ex,who is receptive of you having a child,dont give up! It may take some time,who knows.All you can do is be positive about it.Im sure you will meet someone soon. :)

    P.S.

    I don't know if "shallow" is really the word for this...

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  • And this is why I didn't date when my kid was little (that "dad" disappeared too.) 16 years later, I got a boyfriend. But he's a typical guy, he said he has no interest in raising someone else's kid. But he's also confusing because when we first dated he said he wasn't sure he could handle it because he couldn't be a 'father figure' to my kid. And the he said it was weird that their age difference is 13 yrs.

    In any case we were talking about adoption and that's when he said the no way he's raising a reject child, he wants his own flesh. He's also weird in other stuff but that's irrelevant to your question. Pretty sure he's going to be dumped sooner rather than later. what am I waiting for? To see if this sticks...since that first thing didn't stick, I don't know anymore.

    The point is, you should focus on being a parent now. It's slim that you'll find a guy who'll help you with your kid. Not impossible because my brother married a woman who had a kid, but he's not the norm, he's the exception.

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    • WOW...that is really messed up of him to say. I am definitely not looking right now for anyone. after all the abuse I took with my recent ex, I am staying single for awhile. and I'm okay with being single the rest of my life as long as me and my daughter are happy. I've had boyfriends that seemed to be okay with my daughter...its only now where I'm noticing it to maybe being a problem. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully we both find true happiness.

    • That guys sounds like a complete jerk. I hope you dumped him, anyone who calls a child a reject, is a sick person.

    • Havent dumped him yet... I'm still trying to figure out how serious he was. Sometimes he talks sh and it doesn't mean anything. I'm still trying to figure him out but yeah, calling any child a reject was low. :( To QA, focus on your kid for now. When she's older you'll have more time for a boyfriend. You know they say love finds you when you least expect it. My SIL sure didn't expect my bro to come marry her! :)

  • I just think maybe guys will think that you want a more serious relationship because you have a child, or that all you will talk about is your child. Which is not bad... You honestly just have to give it some time. You will find a great guy. You sound like a great women and your daughter sounds great as well. I promise you will find him. Just give it time.

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  • I'm 19yrs old and a single mother...I go to college full time and work part time...so I rarely have time to hang like a normal girl my age so I can totally understand where your coming from. The best advice I could give you is just to be patient and SELECTIVE in the type of guy you wanna attract. Don't waste your time with a guy that hangs out all the time at the club or bars or places that don't seem family friendly. A more laid back type of guy sounds llike he could better suit your needs...and also if you meet a guy ask him how many siblings does he have because guys from larger families are usually kid friendly. :) goodluck

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    • Hey thanks for understanding. I had my daughter when I was 18 and she's now 8. So I've been doing this a long time on my own. Your right though. I am being very selective. I have to be for me and the safety of my daughter. I don't want some loser. And I agree with the bigger family thing. When I really think about it, I don't think my ex accepted her at all. I think he was jealous of her which should've shown me what type of guy he is. Live and learn I guess right?

    • definatly we live in we learn...we live a different lifestyle now that we have children. :)

  • It's not shallow, some people just don't want children. I don't want to have children, so I most likely wouldn't date a single father. It's not that I have an issue with them personally, I just have no desire to be a mother.

    But, not everyone is like me. I'm sure you will find a man who loves children & wants ot be a father. I know it's hard being a single mother, my sister had a baby when she was 17. It was really hard for her to find someone, but just last year she got married, so there is hope!

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  • I think you should try dating more guys that have children them selves which shouldn't be hard for someone your age. You could also try dateing guys that are older than you because they will be more likely to have kids.

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  • I don't think that it is really that they are shallow. It is just that it would be a different kind of relationship than what they are looking for. It would be more serious, mature, family like and less crazy fun.

    How old are you?

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    • i am 26, soon to be 27. all the guys I have been interested in on this dating site are 25-33 years old and most have no children. and your right, it would have to be a mature relationship. but even if I didn't have my daughter, I'd still be looking for that mature, serious relationshiop. I'm not about crazy fun

  • That's not shallow.

    It's human nature.Having a child comes with more responsibilities and chances are the guy is still in the selfish stage, which is a stage most couples are at,when it's just about them and pleasing one another.

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  • I don't think it makes someone shallow. If I met a guy who had a child, I would definitely be hesitant. You have to take everything into account. A parent already has a number one priority: their child. You would have to accept that you will always come second. Also, a parent has certain guidelines they need to live by, as in not being able to spontaneously leave the house whenever they want, they need to get a babysitter. Sex is another issue, because you need to make sure the kid is asleep, or away.

    Also take the child into consideration. The child may view them as someone who may be trying to take their other parent's place, and that puts lots of pressure on them.

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    • As I stated in my one update, Shallow was the wrong word to use. Also, even if I didn't have a child and Let's say I got married to someone. And then a few years later we would havea child, that child would STILL be first priority and my husband would be second. Anyone who wouldn't put their child first over a husband that may leave her (look at the divorce rate) is someone who shouldn't have a child. Just my opinion though. Put I agree, its a lot to consider to date someone with a child. Thanks

    • Its supposed to be "BUT I agree" sorry, I put a P instead. And I hope my response didn't upset you or anything. I don't mean to say that your wrong or anything because everyone has their own opinion :)

  • Any guy that doesn't date you because a kid is probably just a shallow coward! They also might be afraid that in a long term relationship they migh have to act like a father and that is something that they are not ready for but it has only been 3 weeks so give it some time as long as you are a great person someone will love you no mater what.

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    • Thank you! Your answer made me feel a bit better about this. I appreciate it a lot!

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