Guys: Would you have a problem dating a shy girl?

What if she doesn't have any friends? Would that make you less likely to start something serious with her if she wouldn't be able to broaden your social circle?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Broaden my social circle!? LOL! I don't need that. As long as she loves me, we can be our own team, just her and I against the world... I like those odds ^_^

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What Guys Said 58

  • Bottom line these are the questions a nice guy asks

    1) is she pretty?

    2) is she nice?

    3) is she sexy?

    4) is she smart?

    5) does she have time for me?

    Those are the things that matter. If you don't have too many friends, who cares. His friends can be come yours. Bottom line is, you have to find the happy medium between smothering and attentive. Some guys like a girl to have their own life, at least enough to where he can still hang out with his friends, play sports, work out, maybe video games, etc etc.

    As long as you can be a good girlfriend, keep things interesting and fun, and not smother him, you will be fine. :)

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    • I like your answer. I know that the expectation is that each individual has at least a slew of acquaintances, but what's nice is that you recognize that everyone is a separate entity. (I don't mean to sound deep but that's the best way I could describe it.) Anyway, it just goes to show that if a guy isn't interested in a girl because she doesn't have a lot of friends, they're probably not that compatible.

    • exactly. have faith :) I know I prefer girls a little shy. It's adorable.

  • Yes, I would have a problem with shy girls.

    A date isn't good if she's too shy to speak. I'd like a girl who's not afraid to talk about herself.

    If she doesn't have any friends, then that's another problem as well. I don't plan on spending 3-5 days out of the week with her just because she doesn't have any other friends to hang out with.

    When it comes to my personality, I can talk for a certain while, but it drains energy from me and at some point I'm not going to talk anymore. I'd rather take action and keep my mouth shut. Let her yip-yap, smile, compliment me, and be jittery in the process. It'll make me feel good.

    But staying shy and quiet = turn off. I want a sociable girl who can get me to talk when I'm being laconic.

    And to all the guys who don't mind a shy girl ... give me a break. You'll soon realize you won't be having fun in her company. The shy vibe doesn't help.

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    • Well, I do not expect a boy to spend a lot of time with me during the week. Just a couple times a week. My shyness, which I am well aware of, would hopefully not cause me to be so dependent on one person. So...basically, you think being with a shy girl would get boring, whereas it would be very interesting with a very social girl. Yes, that's what I figured. I am already 24 though, and so I don't see much hope for change in that department.

  • No issue here. I'm shy too :P so we can relate there. And having somewhere to relate is a good start. If I feel something for her, I will pursue it, even if I am shy. And when I learn about her status I'd happily try and get her to hang out with me if I ever do hang out with my friends (as rare as that is) or do all I can to boost her confidence up (if that's a problem) :) I genuinely care about people after all and I'd want her to be happy, especially because I'd love her so much.

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    • sounds like you have a particular girl in mind?

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    • okay, so I have another Q for you TGEL, since you're shy would you be adverse to dating a more outgoing girl? would that be too much for you or do you think that being different in that way might prove beneficial? (I ask because being on the shier side myself, I've always thought that I need a more outgoing guy to sort of balance one another out).

    • Wouldn't bother me to go out with an outgoing girl. I just hope she'll be understanding depending on stuff :P I'm not much for dancing so I might not really do that. But if she wants to go do certain other things (hiking, sailing, playing some sport, etc) I'll go. I'm actually fairly open minded with going out with any girl of any type of any race so long as I do feel something for her.

  • if she's what I like in a woman and shy then all I gotta do is get her to open up and feel comfortable with me first, then I would eventually introduce her to my friends and hang out , etc etc. But I would be worried if she prefers to be anti social or something. I hoped that helps! =)

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    • sometimes I do prefer to be antisocial just because it takes a lot out of me when I'm around a lot of people.

    • ahh your introvert , which is perfectly normal ^_^ any guy would understand

  • Lol broaden my social circle? Well I've got nothing against it in and of itself, but dating is not networking I don't get with a girl because I want to meet her freinds.

    I do admit it would be kinda weird if she had no freinds, but if it really was because she was just such a shy person and she's reall y cool once you know then no I wouldn't have a problem with it. Unless it interefered with me being able to live my life. Like if she had some kind of social phobia, so we could never do something with other people, then that might be an issue.

    Otherwise shy girls can be cute

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  • Hmm... I got to say, that I wouldn't date a girl that were so shy, that she dosn't even got any friends around her, I need a social girl, that would like to meet my friends, and I want her to be able to talk with people, without me standing next to her, holding her hand :-)

    But then again, if I ever was with a girl like that, she can't be so shy, she got my attention ^^

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  • No, first off, shy girls attract me, especially the small petite ones. I believe this is because I have a protective instinct in which I want to protect the shy girl from eac and every threat. Also, and while I am not dating for sex, I have heard that shy girls are amazing lovers. While I have no experience with this and don't intend to until I am married, I find this as a bonus to people who are already attracted to shy girls such as yourself. Also, shy women seem much more calm and accepting than other women. An old famous quotecsaid he who has the greatest grasp of language is he who keeps his mouth shut, and I have seen that many shy girls are intelligent and mor mature than most other women, (while this may be only because I am in classes with honors academic girls) I have foundcthsi to be ture for most shy women which I find as another major turn on. Sp if a shy girl asked me out, I would definitely say yes.

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  • I'd have to say that if she didn't have friends at all, something must be wrong with her. People are social creatures and need other people, to interact with. Someone who is that alone and has no friends has something wrong with that person. It goes way beyond being shy, shy people have friends too. It also creates a problem where if you had a boyfriend, he would literally be your entire social circle and you would not have a life of your own. The boy in turn would probably get turned off dump you. Either way, get some friends girl, it makes for better practice in social situations. You can't operate in any capacity, get a job or do anything without some basic social skills. You need to work on yourself, a lot, like get some friends. Serious, who doesn't have friends, if you don't have at least one then you need to figure out why, and do something about that, because its hard enough to meet people when you do have friends. Friends are how you meet people, and meet different people, and having social skills is part of meeting and interacting with the world and sharing ideas. A guy would not notice you let alone be your boyfriend if you are that shy. So get some friends really, you need them badly, so do it now. That's all.

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    • Easier said than done. I'm out of college and now live at home. How could I possibly make new friends now? I don't even have my own car.

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    • I would never really be able to get over him until I created a life of my own. So, I would advise you to make a point of not dating anyone until you have your own social circle, not because you think it might be a turn off but for your own sake! I know it can be hard; it usually takes me about a year after I move to develop "real" friendships, but if you join a class or club or something, you can at least meet people you enjoy having a cup of coffee with, and maybe eventually become close.

    • Thanks. I'll try that.

  • If she's shy then it's all good as long as she has a wild and fun side to her then I'm definitely in.

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  • No I wouldn't have a problem with that. I have a small circle of friends but I'm not some huge social butterfly and if I go to a party I'm usually quiet plus I don't drink. I do talk to people there of course but I don't make some huge entrance when I get there.

    Now you said in an answer below that you're shy but a flirt too. So I'd say you've got it in you and you COULD get a boyfriend. You've just gotta step out of the comfort zone and let yourself go a little. Nothing outrageous or anything and still be yourself of course. So just believe in yourself because you're just as good as anyone else out there. Good Luck :)

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  • I wouldn't have a problem with dating a shy girl at all. If she doesn't make any friends then oh well it's their loss. It doesn't bother me nor affect me at all really.

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  • well shy to me is synonymous with boring so if that was the case then yeah its an issue. extroverted girls are more fun so that's the appeal. shy girls tend to be a little boring. so it's not the shyness that's an issue. its that they tend to be boring.

    I couldn't care less about her broadening my social circle or if she has any friends. guys don't date girls to broaden their social circle or improve their social status.

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    • Ok. Thanks for your honesty. I'll try to project myself as a more friendly, happy person, even if that's not how I feel inside.

  • Its really cute, as long as she's open with you and still talks to you and tells you everything. but if it gets to the point where communication is difficult and physical contact is rare, that's a major problem. As for the friends thing, if the guy isn't shallow, he shouldn't care about that. Its about you and how you make him feel, not about his gained popularity for getting with you

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    • what if she takes a while to open up? I usually don't tell a guy I'm dating "everything" right off the bat. he's got to earn that trust, imo.

    • Well I mean, it should happen naturally. Like with a normal relationship. Your shyness shouldn't keep "everything" from him forever

  • The only problem I would have in dating a shy girl is that I'm a shy guy myself and there will no doubt be communication problems. I am often too shy to speak and if the girl is like that too then it wil be hard to get the ball rolling and have a nice long conversation. However, the up side to this is that I can be more comfortable with trying to come out of my shell because the girl is like that too and so I will try and bring her out of her shell too and try to make her feel more comfortable. So really, I guess I am more compatible with shy girls, even though it may take longer than usual to be comfortable being around each other.

    As for having no friends, I would not have a problem with this at all. It wouldn't make a difference to me whatsoever. I am dating the girl because I am attracted to her and I like her for who she is. I do not date girls based on how many friends she does or does not have. That's just stupid. I'm not dating her to get into a relationship with her friends. I am dating her because I like HER. I mean, just because she does not have any friends is does not change who she is as a person and even her looks. As long as she is not clinyg because she has nobody else to spend her time with then I think it's fine.

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  • I'm a shy guy who is actually very social, but I wouldn't have an issue dating a shy girl. The girl could have absolutely no friends and I would not care as long as I'm attracted to her and we had a couple similar interests.

    Not a problem at all. =]

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  • If she doesn't have friends that's okay, so long as she has a decent level of self esteem. She can't be so shy that she hates going out and being seen in public. I won't date an enigma. I would question her attitude and health if she has no friends. I think I've met two girls my entire life who had no social capabilities, other than that girls are supposed to be social creatures. I would keep my distance at first and try to find out WHY this girl is outside the loop.

    This is all hypothetical of course, I'm married.

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    • Describe the two only girls who had no social skills. Tell me more. Were they not nice?

    • They sat there like a lump, expressionless. They just seemed really awkward in everything they did. Even when spoken to, they had issues with communication. I didn't care to find out about their personalities given the aforementioned.

  • ive gone on dates with shy girls, I found it frustrating trying to start a conversation when she just wouldn't be saying anything. I started feeling like I was doing all the talking which I didn't like at all. all I was getting was yes or no answers. So open up work on your social skills, talk to somebody

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  • I am much more compatible with a girl like that and would prefer it. Only problem is I'm just as shy so finding a woman like that and actually dating them would be virtually impossible

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    • Self-diagnosed social anxiety?

    • Pretty much. It was really a no brainer. My old counsellor agreed with me as well after a month or two or speaking

  • NOT AT ALL, IM SHY TOO, AND SHY GIRLS ARE VERY SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL, PLUS ME AND HER COULD RELATE

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    • Haha. Although to get two shy people to talk to one another would be quite the task.

  • There is nothing wrong with being shy in itself, I am also. The problem comes when you get to know someone and still keep them at arms length. That creates the impression that you actively dislike them, because why else would you keep your distance. If a guy has to work too hard to get you to like them they will simply get some attention elsewhere. Most guys would have no problem dating a shy girl. A cold, disinterested girl is another matter.

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  • Shy girls are very sweet and caring, and just because she doesn't have any friends shouldn't stop you from starting something. If you like her or think you feel something for her then act on it. ou never know you could help her from being shy. and you could make her social circle bigger. Not that matters but if it does then she should be taken care of first.

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    • That's a nice thought.

  • Depends on what you mean by shy. If she's shy with other people but there is chemistry between the two, I would have no problem. I remember there was thus really nice girl where there was mutual attraction. In the end, it didn't work because she wasn't really able to connect with me, and I found it really tiring and unexciting over time when it was menwho needed to initiate everything.

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  • I wouldn't mind but I might be concerned that she would get to attached. so maybe a little less likely because of that.

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  • Shy girls rock

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  • yes eventually if she couldn't break out of her comfort zone it would start to get annoying. like I've been with girls who claim they love affection but are to shy to give any and its just irritating.

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    • i'm shy but I'm also a flirt. :0/

    • a shy flirt aye? lol I'm not sure how that works haha

  • No problems at all. As long as she isn't anti social I wouldn't think much of it haha.

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  • Of course not. I am shy myself but I have been opening up more recently. I don't care if they are shy or not. As long as she isn't selfish or have a snobby attitude.

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  • it's not a concern at all, other things like personality (not a gold a digger for example) matters much more.

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  • shy is good but I hope your just shy and not a true introvert. you have to at least go with the show.

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  • Dating a shy girl would be no problem, in some ways it could actually be easier. The social circle is no problem.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 5

  • I have this same problem but a little different. I don't have a lot of FEMALE friends because my personailty is more laid back and like a guys so girls tend to hate on me and not want to be friends with me because I care about things like an education and making my own income and not living off of some guys money so in turn I have nothing in common with most girls then the fact that guys find me really gorgeous just pisses them off more! So its not always the persons fault for not having any same sex friends. I wouldn't mind this if I could only find some that aren't shallow and materialistic. As for my guy friends its cool to hang out with them but sometimes its hard to talk to them about girl stuff or relationship advice. Some guys might take your lack of havong any girlfriennds as a fault of your own stemming from you but what it comes down is I won't be friends with someone until I feel I can trust her and I have dumped my old girlfriends for this very reason because they were trash talking me and putting me down. I am very funny and witty and outspoken once you get to know me but its just that a lot of girls don't like me for some reason?

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    • A lot of girls are very competitive with me, and honestly I don't believe that I have anything that they don't. I noticed too that you really can't tell girls anything without being OK with them telling their other friends and whoever else they know. It's almost impossible for me to trust anyone anymore, and that's why I don't try to make female friends anymore. I've been let down too many times. Back-talking, backstabbing, lying, etc. All that drama is not worth the stress.

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    • Thanks. It's a two-way street, too. It takes work and compromise to be a good friend. I honestly find it very difficult to be a good friend. I don't know why. I'm good at keeping secrets, but I guess I'm not that reliable at showing up to parties and such. Anyway, thanks a lot for your post. It wasn't 100% related to the question, but it definitely relates to why I'm having people problems. lol.

    • Well the reliablity part you need to work on go out to the parties and just have fun...give it a try

  • Friends come and go, you can make friends every day, and some friends you grow apart and lives change. So when it comes to love, and relationships with guys, it's about you two, the friends are for you as a support system and you have you're whole life to collect a larger group of friends. The guy wants to get to know you and hopefully hit it off so well that you become apart of each others life.

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    • I like this answer. If I could pick two best answers, one for girls and the other for guys, I would select yours too.

    • Aw thanks sugar ^_^

  • It's not healthy to be shy to such an extent whereas you don't have friends; we are social beings, so we NEED some sort of relationship with others. There's a reason you are shy & it'd be best if you try surpassing this obstacle in your life by joining some kind of club (try meetup.com) where you could find others like yourself. Meetup.com can be for those who just want to do something fun with others who don't have as many friends, thus MAKING new friends. Try talking to a guy you're attracted to for practice in a random place like the grocery store (it's great because you'll prob never see them again).

    I hope I helped at least a little :) good luck! I used to be shy

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    • What do you mean that there's a reason I don't have friends? Meetup.com is for groups looking to get together in major cities, and I do not live in a major city.

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    • I worked at the Gap for a while but left to pursue another job opening, which fell through. So...I'm a lookin'. I used to love getting samples at Costco. And working a part time job as a student is not easy. Good for you.

    • Thank you :)

      I know it's tough, because this is something you've got to acquire on your own (confidence).

  • I'm shy, and I'm not saying I have guys standing outside my door. Lol but the guys that have approached me turned out to be jerks. If you're shy, and have enough self esteem to not let a guy disrespect you then its fine. But you have to be careful. I'm always cautious. I'm really shy sometimes, and wgen guys find out I'm a virgin they might assume that I'm submissive and weak. You have to prove them wrong. I'm not perfect, but that's what I try to do. Hope I helped =)

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  • good question, I've always wondered about this myself. it's nice to see that most guys are OK with this

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    • A few of them clearly think that shy girls are boring and would be clingy in a relationship. I can see where they're coming from.

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