Am I shallow because of this?

I am in college I have met some girls that I really liked for their personalities but not appearance. They really liked me and I liked them but I never kissed them because I wasn't physically attracted, only attracted to their personality. Because I never dated in high school, I have very little wisdom as to how I should pick my first girlfriend.

I feel like I want a true relationship but I feel like I will only end up choosing a girl for her appearance. I feel like an average personality and good looks is better than "soul mate" but average looks :/ ?

In other words I feel like its better to focus on physical appearance because most pretty girls end up being interesting/fun and loving anyway...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well it can be tricky. Everything in the universe has tradeoffs including a picking a significant others. There are some really beautiful girls that are deep, intelligent, and friendly but they are not widely available. You're not shallow for looking for a physically attractive girlfriend. We all pretty much do that - it's in our nature as people (yes, women look for physically attractive boyfriends).

    In my experience there's a happy medium. I've had some really cute and smart girlfriends. The "beautiful" ones I've dated were a little screwed up because they saw themselves pretty much as only being worthwhile for their looks. Not saying they're all like that, but many are either that way or stuck up.

    My advice is to go with your gut. If you find an amazing looking girl who bores you, probably shouldn't go beyond a little dating. But it's equally bad to get involved with someone you're not physically attracted to if it's going to be a sexual relationship. It WILL become a problem if you're not into each others' bodies, plain and simple.

    You're the only person that can decide how much you're willing to give on the personality vs. looks scale (and again, in many cases those two things aren't necessarily in opposition).

    • So what you are saying if a fat guy asks us out but we are not physically attracted to him but like his personlitly we should not even bother?

    • No, I'm saying it's up to each person to decide how much they're willing to give on looks in favor of personality. I used to be a fat guy in my teens and women wouldn't date me anyway so reality is a bit more like you said there.


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What Girls Said 4

  • It is shallow. But it is also completely natural. I think this is something we all struggle with when it comes to dating. However, there is definitely no connection between a girl's looks and her personality. Lying to yourself about this will lead you down all the wrong roads.

  • nah you shouldn't love someone because of looks. not because a girl is pretty, I t automatically means that he's a b**** or someone who is interesting, fun, loving, etc...

    it really varies so personality is more important than looks. okay so you like nice girls but are not in to them physically, then that's fine. it just means that you haven't found the right one for you yet.

    remember, when you love someone with all your heart, you accept her entire being. everyone has flaws :)

    you still have a lot to meet out there so choose wisely. love has its own way of doing things:)

  • You didn't like those girls romantically, you liked them in a friendly way. If you're not attracted to someone physically, it probably won't translate into the romance zone. And that's not shallow, you aren't going to be attracted to everyone who likes you. As a girl, I would not want a guy to date me if he wasn't attracted to me and only liked my personality, that's someone who's better off as a friend. People who say "THAT'S SHALLOW!" are usually the ones being rejected for this very reason. It isn't shallow, it's human nature. The feeling has to be mutual or it won't work

  • No, you're not shallow for that. But NO, it's NOT better to focus on appearance. I don't know where you came up with "most pretty girls end up being interesting/fun and loving anyway" because that's completely not true. If that were the case, then the girls you went out with would have been "pretty" because they had great personalities. You can't generalize women like this!

    There are plenty of women that have the looks AND personality you desire. Why settle for an "average personality" because someone is visually appealing? You need to get out there and meet WAY more women.


What Guys Said 3

  • I think you'll eventually understand why it's much more important to find substance rather than looks. I used to have very simmilar thoughts as you do but after dating a few hot girls, I've noticed it's really important to find someone who is supporting, loving and who respects you.

    You have to be attracted to this person but if this person isn't the most attractive thing out there, you'll not care as much. But this isn't exclusive to hot girls. In general a man needs a girl with substance and not a needy or selfcentered girl. That's why you eventually stop focusing on looks as much.

  • I agree with the guy who said to go with your gut instinct. Sometimes it takes a long time to find someone right for you, but when you do you'll know. You will like them and also be attracted to their appearance.

    Also, I should say that I once had a relationship with an average personality/good looking girl and it was so boring and unfulfilling, I'm never going to settle for a girl like that again.

  • No its naturual your not shallow!