Girls: What goes through your mind when a guy doesn't call or text?

Say you've had a couple dates where you've kissed and gotten close and had a good time together.

Then he goes three or four days without sending you a text or calling you.

What goes through your mind when this happens? Do you take initiative to see how he's doing or what's up? Do you assume he's lost interest? How do you feel when he finally does get in contact with you maybe five days later?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Haha this is pretty much what goes through my head every time:

    "Hmm why hasn't he texted? Is he waiting for me? Maybe he's just trying to play his cards right... Or is he busy thinking of other things? Is he thinking about me? Should I text him? No, I should wait for him to text me, I shouldn't give in... Oh, but I want to text him! GAAAAAHHHHHHH FRUSTRATION!"

    I don't necessarily assume he's lost interest. Sometimes I do, but it's my mind going haywire. Of course I'm going to over analyze EVERYTHING.

    When he gets in contact with me five days later...

    "YES! YES! YES! FINALLY! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU! HAHAHA GLORIA, YOU'VE STILL GOT IT!"

    :)

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What Girls Said 17

  • I have been in this situation a few times, unfortunately. I assume the guy is not interested and just doesn't care. If he hasn't taken the time to call me or anything, I would assume that means he could care less about what is up with me. It makes me hurt and sad, especially if I have been seeing this guy for a while or if we had a good time and he acted like he was interested.

    I do usually text or call or message him in some way to see what is up with him, usually after the date at some time, maybe a day or so after. But if he hasn't made any sort of effort to reach me then I will think he is not interested and get sad and try to find someone else. I know people can get busy, but I'm not going to let him use that excuse for long. If you are not interested in a girl, let her know straight up, don't mess her around and make her think you like her, and then not call her or anything. It's hurtful :( I have had that happen to me too many times. I would rather the guy let me know straight up if he is not interested. That way I can move on and find someone who is actually going to care.

    My problem is that I get attached, if a guy goes on several dates with me and is seeming like he likes me, I get excited that he may want to be with me. So I get hopeful, and then he starts to brush me off when I ask for another date. It hurts, a lot , but if you let her know right away then she can find someone who wants to date her. Just saying, its better that way.

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  • First I figure he's busy. Then as time goes on I start thinking "he probably doesn't like me enough to be thinking of me because if he was he'd probably have texted me by now". Then I think that maybe he was just using me and now he's moving on. I also think that maybe he's got another girl with him. I start thinking about and analyzing everything that has happened to try and figure out if I did something wrong. I think that maybe something just came up like his phone getting broke and I get more hope but then as I continue not to hear from him I become more convinced that he just doesn't care to talk to me and then I just feel sad. I figure the text or call is probably never gonna come and I should just give up and move on (for me this is by the 3rd day) but by then I probably would have already sent him a casual text saying "whats up". If he didn't respond to that it just makes it more sure to me that he really doesn't care for whatever reason.

    I don't know if I over react to this kind of thing but to me it seems like if a guy really liked you they would text you at least every other day...cuz wouldn't they be thinking of you? and want to get to know you? and want to see you soon?

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  • I have a crazy busy schedule and no sense of time...so I usually don't notice how long its been until they contact me, and most of the time concerned that I didn't contact them first bent out of shape for them not contacting me sooner. If that confused you, that confuses me too lol

    From the reaction I get, I guess the norm is that girls tend to expect to hear from the guy the day after, 2 days later at the least. And either she contacts him by day 3 or 4 wondering why he hasn't contacted her, or sounds annoyed when he does get in touch. But I'm not that way at all and sure there are other women like me, so don't take it as a sweeping generalization...just my take on it from the way guys react to me for not reacting to them doing that. (Im not so good at games, and horrible at playing them...which annoys and weeds out those who do. Thankfully)

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    • Would you be that way even if he was the last one to contact you? Just curious. It seems like girls will do that all the time, I don't get why you girls expect us to do everything without giving us clear enough signals that you are wanting that or not. It seems like you do it to us all the time and then when we do it you back off even more sometimes, leaving us confused.

    • That wasn't the question from my understanding...it was about how Id react if I didn't hear from the guy for a few days after we saw each other. Yeah it woudnt upset me, I figure its silly to be mad at him for not calling sooner when I couldve as easily called him, only exception is if he specifically said he'd call me then Id wait for him to. That's not holding a guy to expectations to do everything, only for what he said he'd do. Now if he's the last to contact me, then the balls in my court.

  • Most of the time when a guy stops texting he becomes scared or uninerested, for me anyway.

    Each time I think "I honestlt don't think he's going to text back, the a**hole, so damn ignorant, maybe I should text him, noo... don't give in let him chase me, err... *starts texting to ask what is wrong* lol" but then I'm completely right when I think that cos he never answer me every again and ignores me so I bug them until I get the answers out of them haha.

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  • I just assume he's not interested and blow him off.

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  • I am one to jump to conclusions...When they include me, that is. If anybody else is concerned, I'm calm and collected. If I were in this situation, I'd be moping around my bedroom, keeping the phone close at hand, just waiting...waiting...I'd eventually give in to curiosity and text him, just to see if he'd respond.

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  • Assume he has no interest and move on. I'm cutthroat when it comes to dating. You want me? Come get me. If you don't, someone else will. I get hit on wayyyyyy too much for games! Men walk over and just hand me their number often- I don't wait by my phone wondering why. I delete his number and ignore attempts to contact me FIVE DAYS TOO LATE.

    Sounds bitchy but I can't waste the pretty. Statistically speaking, it'd be a mistake to wait around.

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    • It sounds like you never get emotionally attached... I mean you never fall for a guy? You never want to be with one guy who makes you feel special.. only to have him start ignoring you?

      Don't take this to mean I'm calling you slutty because I respect your dating choices and life choices, but you seem to be in it for sex and physical gratification more than emotional.

    • I'm a virgin and I'm a therapist and as emotional as can be. Yes, I do fall for guys, they are just lazy and take their time and see me when THEY want. I don't waste me time with guys like that. I've been lied to and cheated on SOOOO many times; I'm tired of it and I won't let a guy string me along!

  • I always overanalyse these things (a lot of girls do) and up until yesterday, I hadn't heard from this guy in two days and I was on the verge of texting him, had the text typed and everything but then changed my mind. (incidentally, he did text me soon after). HOWEVER, five days is really long: firstly, welll done on not giving in and texting him thus far, I would never have lasted this long!

    Did you make a plan with him last time you saw him? If not, then I would text him and ask does he want to meet up, get a coffee, etc, something along those lines.

    Five days is long... what has he been doing? Maybe he had some stuff going on, you wouldn't no!

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  • I'll wonder if he's lost interest, if he's busy, or if he's trying to see if I'll text him. If I usually hear from him on a regular basis and it's been a few days, then I'll send him a message just to say hi or something. Then if he doesn't get back to me I know he's not interested.

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  • He is not interested in me no more. Time to move on.

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  • Well it makes me wonder why he hasn't contacted me. I'm having this issue right now. I'm confused but I would treat him the same or wouldn't be mad at him for not calling me or texting. As long as he still showed interest, because if he wasn't interested I'd feel stupid for waisting my time, and mad at him for not being honest with me.

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  • i would probably be thinking "wtf, why isn't texting me" "has he lost interest" "should I text him?" "I hope he still likes me lol" pretty much everything viva_glow said, lol right now I'm in that situation, so I gotta ask, what makes the guy do that ? lol

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  • i either think he is really busy or just lost interest.

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  • i will go crazy and I will be asking myself what was wrong in a date...or if he really like me or not? I will be confused about him and think that he is not interested in me...why you don't call her or send a message? I don't really understand that?

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    • It's not a situation I'm in, it was just a hypothetical. But why wouldn't she text him or call him? Why does the guy have to chase and chase even after they've started dating?

    • aha OK. I don't know...but it is expected that guy will do the first move :)))

  • That he's busy or lost interest. Nothing more...

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  • that he was just hoping to get ass, and he's bored of you now.

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  • For me it depends on what I'm looking for, most of the time when I make out with a guy and have been on a few dates am pretty interested, if that's the case and the guy ignored me I would think he just wanted something to keep himself occupied and I wasn't his type

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What Guys Said 1

  • I had the same doubt

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