Is it bad to just pick one and get married?

I am getting tired of dating. I am finding a lot of great guys that want to be with me but I don't want to be with them. I have someone in my life now and on paper he looks good, we can have good conversation but just no spark.I feel like we could stay married forever,have the perfect house, kids etc but with no excitement, no gleam in our eyes.He is very attracted to me and I am OK on his looks but again no spark. Everything just seems blah but I am tired of looking. Keep in mind that I could see myself growing to love him, there's just not that flirty I can't wait to come home to you thing going.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have to say I think you are bring foolish. What you are doing right now with this man is only gonna hurt him and ultimately you in the long run. I think your best bet would be to end the relationship with the man & actually STOP LOOKING.Men are hunters by nature... They will do anything & everything for the woman he so desires. Let the man find you! Be open & not so desperate. Be flirty but not slutty. Be witty & willing to turn a man down if he doesn't come at you with respect. That's what attracts a man! Your standards! Men really do respect them. If you just decide to select this guy because you are tired of dating, you are gonna set youself up for failure. Those are immediate ground for cheating. & I think the reason why there isn't any UMPH is because you sought him ou, when men need the chase! Maybe, you chased him & didn't allow him to chase you. Either way, when you settle you make yourself appear desperate. Learn to be the girl in the relationship... Give a little and take a little away! That keeps the interest of your man, & keeps him chasing you! Good luck!

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    • I appreciate your opinion. However it is filled with misconceptions.I never chased him and my dating life is not filled with men I chased, they do come to me, so I'm not sure why you assummed that but that's not the case.I lost my virginity when I was 26 and haven't had sex in a year so you can also erase slutty.The reason I put this question up here is because I am being honest with myself that sometimes people don't really know what is best for them and I am wondering if because I still enjoy

    • talking to this guy despite how blah I feel cause the guys that bring the excitement that I look for are not best for me.I'm not saying to just go out somewhere and do inny minny miney moe lol, I'm saying that out of what is coming my way should I really just pick the one that would be a good husband even if the excitement spark isn't there.Am I looking at the wrong things to select a future mate,does this guy have everything a good husband should have despite it wasn't love at first sight?

What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 6

  • If its because you want kids that you are conflicted about, I'd suggest to even be more critical about what would be best for your future kids if you do have them. Do you want them stuck to parents in a loveless marriage? One day you may get tired of him, divorce and end up fighting for the custody of them? I was in a long term relationship myself at this juncture once, I wasn't as sure as you about wanting kids, but I knew if I were to have them, I think they'd suffer under those circumstances.

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  • My advice is to do what makes you happy and not what other people expect you to do.

    Personally I don't think I will ever get married because it would feel hypocritical when I don't believe in god or marriage and spending your life with only one person.



    I'm not in my 30's yet though so I might still fall for the preassure from what you should do, but the best advice I've ever got is that you only have one life so make the best of it. Don't spend it with someone you don't like.

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    • Thanks I love your last line, that's great. There is a relationship advice contest on this site, you should put that in "you only live one life so make the best of it and don't spend it with someone you don't like"...thats classic. I'm feeling my own pressure, I want kids and I don't think that raising kids single is fair to the child and not a responsibility I want to voluntarily take on alone

  • You're never going to have a happy marriage if you don;'t find THE one. You WILL end up resenting him, and he you, in the future. That will disrupt the house and scar your kids. Don't marry someone you don't love. It's not fair to ANYONE.

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  • Just wait; I know it may seem like an all time low - But than that someone comes along who is just perfect. Do NOT stay with a guy who you feel no 'spark' with. if you do, I'll simply say that you will not be happy.

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  • There is no way I would marry someone like this. Trust me, you will not stay married if this is how you feel now. I tried to sustain a marriage where we ended up having no passion. We did NOT start that way, but we did end up there. Our sex life turned into a joke, it was ridiculous that we only had sex a few times a YEAR. We were like brother and sister to each other and though it looked good on paper, to use your words, after a while paper just doesn't cut it. For instance, we would go out to dinner and had nothing to talk about. Vacations became something we just did not do because what was the point, we had little in common anymore.

    You may be tired of dating now, but once you get married and settle down, you will have had a sufficient enough break to no longer feel so burnt out on the idea of dating. What you need now is a break from dating, not marriage to someone you don't love.

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  • I'm getting close to my thirties and I wonder the same thing. It's kind of a drag having someone be really into you when you are just tolerating him. Maybe the "gleam" & excitement is just for men to have ... since its only women who are usually told to go with guys that don't get them going. I'm not sure, I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

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    • Thanks I appreciate that. I think its sad cause I am a romantic and I find myself in a strange position because if someone came to me, even on this site and asked this question 5 years ago I would say, no hold out for being inlove etc lol but the truth is that men don't get is that women do have a timeline and there is no getting around it if you want to have your own kids.Its like I have to choose between the man that has it all and no spark or man with spark that doesn't have it together yet lol

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