Online dating service vs other ways of finding guys

What have been your experiences with online dating services? I'm running out of ideas of how to meet guys (I've got mild social anxiety that makes it really hard for me to approach a guy, I don't like the club/bar/concert thing, everybody at work's in a serious relationship, the people in most of my classes are the ones I work with, and I'm an authority figure in the organization that gets most of the rest of my time), and I keep seeing that option on tv, ads around, etc.

Any suggestions other than online dating?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Book stores are great. Go to ones with coffee shops. That way you can start mild/harmless conversations about what is good to read, help finding a book, what they are reading etc. From there you could easily transition to a full conversation.

    To get over your mild social anxiety is to talk to people. I know that sounds silly, but hear me out. Each day, force yourself to get five strangers names. It doesn't matter who. When you are at the grocery store, chat people up, about the weather, about a food choice, etc. Don't worry about getting a date, or anything but eventually getting their name.

    Then, once that is easier, get 5 people's interest a day. From there, hold a 5 minute conversation, etc. etc.

    These small steps can really help you get over your social fear, and get you comfortable with talking to people.

    Best of luck.

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    • Hmm. I actually talk to people in situations like that sometimes. I'll have to try to do it more often - hopefully with more time, it'll get less scary. I'm always afraid they think I'm rude or obnoxious...

    • Interesting advice...

    • I think this is great advice. I've been doing this for a year or so, and I've found that it makes me radiate greater comfort when dealing with people.

What Guys Said 4

  • There can be a lot of weird people out there. But there can be a lot of really cool people out there.

    You've got mild social anxiety? Personally, I'm just very shy. ;)

    The few times (twice?) that I've done the whole online thing, I haven't gotten anywhere from it. All I ended up with was "singles spam." Of course, that was with free sites. I don't know, perhaps the paid subscription ones are better, but a lot of them, in my opinion, seem to count on you spending a lot more time (the more time you spend, the cheaper your monthly subscription cost is. If you only want to try it for a month, you can end up paying 50 - 100 bucks for that time. The less successful you are at dating or getting a boyfriend, that's a better deal for them, as you're paying more money.

    A girl I know tried online ones, and never got anywhere. Problem was, she never had the money to spend on the service, but wanted to feel like she was doing something. She met some very nice guys, but there was never that "click" or "spark" For quite a few months, she ended up with no dates at all from it.

    Sometimes, unfortunately, we have to face our fears head on. I'm really shy, so I make an effort (albeit a small one) to go out and meet people. And I'm still pretty shy. But I'm working on it.

    My suggestion is that if you choose to go with the online dating route: 1)please make sure you can afford it. 2) Don't give up on real life opportunities, either.

    There are a lot of things that a person can do to meet people without having to go to the bar. Personally, I'm not big on drinking, I meet some girls I'd never want to date, because they're not my type. So, why force myself to go into a situation where I won't be comfortable?

    I would recommend looking at your current friendships (get the word out there), you never know who these people know. You might also look at your hobbies and see if they happen to include some single guys you might not normally consider.

    Another option is to consider new hobbies to add. Take a cooking class. Learn to dance. Teach.

    If you're a person of faith, look at going to singles groups in your church, or even in your denomination. Even if you don't have a date, you might get some deep friendships that might help you grow.

    You might also consider volunteering for a charity or non profit group. Lots of people, wanting to help out for a cause. You might find some guys there, who think that it's great that you're doing something to help the world. These might be some good guys for you.

    I hope this helps. Best of luck to you.

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    • Well, with social anxiety, I'll literally lock up if I freak out and not be able to say anything. It's really freaky. And I'm starting out just browsing stuff on CraigsList - it's free and the guys are local.

  • At work, many guys have met their wives thru eharmony. I tried it once, and no luck for me. Match.com was a good way to get sexual relationships it seems....

    Mild social anxiety---what in the world is that? What about going to another country and practicing your social skills there with guys. You would be amazed how easy it is to talk to other men in other countries. The biggest problem you'll encounter is that guys just want to get laid. Me included. To find a guy that wants something serious nowadays seems to be very hard.

    And as you know, if you approach a guy and talk to them, first thing in the guy's head is, this girl wants sex. :) What about joining a volunteering group? I have had a couple of friends that met guys that way, and they were good guys. Plus, its so much easier to break the ice in these type of social gatherings. Also, what about dancing lessons? Lots of guys go there trying to meet women. Been there done that myself. :) And in this setting, so easy to talk to people, cause conversation always goes like, 'so how long have you been dancing...' And if you're adventurous like a girl I met while I worked in England, then join some type of coed sports group. I have seen these kickball leagues all around. Check it out and see if there are men around. Oh yea, racquetball---lots of men playing that. And again, easy to talk cause you're just there for the activity, not the men! :)

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    • Sadly, the physical stuff (sports, dancing) aren't an option - I'm disabled enough to prevent me from doing stuff like that, but the volunteering idea is a good one.

  • It's actually been decent for me. And it allows me to select particular criteria to narrow down my choices.

    You might like the results if you give it a chance.

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  • For what it's worth, I think you're very cute. If you're ever in London, you can count for me for a date ;-)

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