An online dilemma: Did he change his mind about me?

I met this guy on an online dating site. Eventually we got to the point where we started talking off the site. In the beginning we would talk for hours on the phone, almost all the time 'till sunrise and beyond. He told me first how he felt about me, even though we had only exchanged pictures of each other, he said that he felt like he could fall in love with me. I felt the same, and told him so. We never played games with each other, always open and honest about our feelings toward one another.

After a couple months, we agreed to meet for the first time, but the day I was supposed to leave, he had to cancel due to a dying family member. He told me after he had to cancel he was scared I would want nothing to do with him, because he thought I felt he was playing games with me. I reassured him that was not the case, I understood. Things were cool between us after that. He would bring it up every time we talked that it still bothered him that he had to cancel, and always made it a point to discuss his feelings for me, and that he just had to meet in person before we could take it to the next level.

I of course understood this, since we had never met yet, but still had mutual feeling for each other. Shortly after this, his phone got cut off, so we went to using IM as our sole way to communicate. Things were still cool, I heard from him every few days and we would still chat using IM until after sunrise.. nothing changed except that we were not on the phone. He started saying after his finals he was driving up to meet me and make it up to me for having to cancel our original meeting. Sometimes, I am not home when he IM's me, but I always reply. I send him an IM if I don't hear from him in a few days. I think maybe he got hurt or upset that I am not always on my PC when he's on, to answer his IM's right away like I used to be, because now he only IM's me once every 7-17 days. Maybe he is ignoring me? Whenever we do catch each other on, he always reassures me that he is still coming to see me after his finals, no matter what.

He brings it up about coming to see me, I don't. He keeps telling me to trust him, he is coming. It is bothering me that I don't hear from him like I used to. I know it's hard trying to study for exams and what not. But maybe he is tired of waiting to meet up? I really like him, we shared a lot and got to know each other on a very intimate level. Nothing to do with sex - intimacy is on a whole different level. This is the first time I have ever tried online dating, and I am not sure why our communication has changed. At one point I thought he needed a little space? Now I am not sure? If he has changed his mind, why doesn't he just say so?

I never pressured him about anything, and don't want to but I miss him. What should I do? If he does come, would it be okay for us to make love, or should I make him wait?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Definitely make him wait on the sex. You need to sort out where you are going with this guy, and how you really feel about him. As a veteran of online dating, I know where you are coming from on this one. Its sometimes difficult to maintain honest communication online. I've always preferred talking to the person, then using IM if that's not possible. Email works too, but sometimes things are taken out of context. So my advice is talk to him if you can, and figure out if you have a future with this guy before committing to a sexual relationship.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I would make him wait. I have not been brave enough to try online dating, so kudos to you. From everything you have said, his behavior is kinda fishy to me. I would take things slow and just have a good time seeing him and getting to know more about him. I wouldn't make up my mind about anything until he actually comes and knocks on your door.

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