1st date after a horrible breakup. Is it too soon?

I recently went through a horrible breakup, and by horrible I mean I had my heart completely ripped out by my ex girlfriend of 3 years. I've never been in such horrible shape emotionally. It's been almost 4 months since it happened. I'm getting a little better, but only because I've had 2 different girls express some interest in me. I think the rejection is what hurts the most, and it helps a lot to have someone else show some interest. I'm definitely not over my ex, though, and I'm really afraid to jump into another relationship. Is it bad to start dating someone else, even if you're not over an ex? Should I be honest with the person about my recent breakup?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Getting back in the saddle (or so they call it) isn't a bad thing and no one will begrudge you..but jumping from one relationship, in my opinion is unhealthy, cause people need time to move on and get back to their normal state...so yes, go on dates, see some girls, but don't necessarily get into a serious relationship until you are over your ex...some say the next girl will help that, ain't always true.

    I found out a year into one of my relationships, that my now ex, was still in love with his ex...now he told me he knew this even when he got with me, but it made it more apparent when she tried to get him back...now, I wouldn't have got with him had I known, because I would have got that he still could go back to her...and that he couldn't possibly be truly with me, while he still hadn't moved on.

    It turned out, that he believed her, and we ended because of it, and I found out that actually she had played him...and just wanted revenage cause he hurt her...i laugh about it now..:P

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What Girls Said 5

  • Confidence will bring in interested women, maybe a relationship is to soon, so why not just fun for a while, broaden your horizens and have some fun, its 2011 not the 50's it okay to have fun and not have to marry the person first. Whatever way you choose the new ''person/s'' don't need to know about your ex, unless you want to tell them just remember they may have had the same thing happen to them. Hurting over something like this is expected I mean its only human, but after many personal experiences in this case, my life changed to the point where I did not commit until I knew the person involved was totally committed back to me... have fun your young, don't get so tied down too soon... you have your whole life ahead of you live it up and hopefully one day you'll find a woman that is lucky enough to have you.. :D

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  • I really do feel your pain and I've gotta say that I went trough the same. However, I always thought that there would be a chance of getting back together with my ex so I didn't give this person I started seeing the chance he deserved and he was great. I got back together with my boyfriend but until today I still don't know if that was the right choice. so yeah I definitely think you should meet someone else and have fun but give them a chance and realize that the person who hurted you so much should never have the chance of hurting you that bad again.

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  • I think it might be too soon. You'll be with the new woman and thinking about your ex, so you won't be fully emotionally available. HOWEVER...a friend with benefits in the interim can really ease the transition.

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  • No.

    But just don't be talking about your ex. the hole time, so not cool.

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  • I'd hate to be the rebound girlfriend especially if the guy was not over his ex. It happenned to me and I could feel the guy comparing me to her even if he said nothing. There was no loving emotions and I could feel I was just being used. I stopped seeing him promptly even if I knew he could be a real nice guy. It was just too much to handle for me. I felt like he was just waiting for her to come back to him after her fun times. They had a very young child together though.

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What Guys Said 4

  • You're conflating two different things: dating and relationships. I get the sense that you're a "relationship guy." I am too, so I recognize the thought process. But what's causing you trouble really shouldn't.

    Should you start dating? ABSOLUTELY! You should've started the day after your ex-gf dumped you if you could! Should you jump into an exclusive relationship? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

    You need time to get over your relationship before you have another RELATIONSHIP. But you can and should date as soon as possible and it will help you get back into a good headspace to be in a relationship again. Your goal on a date (and when dating) is to have FUN with other people, do things that you both enjoy and get to know a little bit about the person, but it should focus more on FUN and less on deep, emotionally painful stuff. That comes later. You're not there yet. Don't rush that. Just have fun!

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  • Dating someone else and dumping your baggage on them is never good idea.Best thing to get out of heart break is to go out and have fun.Develop some hobby e.g. hiking,body building,computer games.Keep yourself busy with important stuff that matter in your life.Girl who is gone was nobody then why would you want to grieve over someone who doesn't value you? Think for once that do you want to be loved by someone who really cares about you or you want to grieve over some POS girl.

    Never love someone so much that you loose your own identity and stop living.

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  • Dating someone else is the only way to get over her. Else your loneliness will just make your feelings for you ex burn even deeper.

    Rejection is truly what hurts the most, we all know the feeling, and the only way to get back on the horse is through success.

    There's no shortcut for healing a broken heart but perhaps it would help if you get someone who can soothe it ;)

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  • just don't be talking about your ex. the hole time, so not cool.

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