I've recently been giving a lot of thought to a whole range of important choices I'm going to have to make soon, and I've been giving a lot of thought about my girlfriend.
I've been with her for over a year now, and she's a wonderfully intelligent, creative and beautiful girl, and I consider myself extremely fortunate to be the lucky guy. But over the course of our relationship, I've recently realized that overwhelmingly, I've been the one suggesting things for us to do; for example, it's always me who texts or calls her, or I'll suggest we do something in the evening like cook together or watch a film.
The problem that I have, the thought that has been growing in my mind is, shouldn't a relationship be about balance? I need to feel loved too!
I'm concerned because I care deeply for her. Recently it seems to me that she, to put it perhaps a little bluntly, has put not much effort into the relationship. We've not done anything physical for over a month, as I mentioned I'm always the one suggesting things to do, and I feel like I need to have a proper conversation with her about some of the more intangible feelings I'm getting from the relationship as it stands at the moment - I get the impression, whether right or wrong, that she doesn't seem to care as much about me as I do for her :( occasionally I tell her how much I love her and care for her, but whenever I do this she'll either say 'i love you too', or the other week she simply went 'mmm'. She's been doing quite a lot of work for university, and she told me she needs to get it done. She also mentioned homesickness when I asked her if anything is wrong. It's far more complex then I can explain in enough detail, but my question is this: do girls often treat guys in this way? If so, what can I do to keep her?
I make an effort to do the things that any decent boyfriend would do, and I treat her well and love her to bits. But what am I supposed to do when there's almost an emotional 'deadlock' for lack of a better word to describe it? Sometimes conversation simply peters out, and again overwhelmingly it seems like I'm the one motoring conversation.
We've always worked well together in the past and I'm at a loss as to what's going on here. I get the feeling that she may not realize the negative effect of her not communicating with me, initiating basic things in a relationship, and not sharing with me that basic human need fto feel loved and accepted.
This isn't the kind of thing she'd do out of maliciousness for some reason, but my instinct tells me something isn't right and I dearly wish she would tell me what's wrong so we can work through it, rather than having to almost communicate based on instincts that we gather from one another.
How can I go about asking her to reciprocate the feeling? She's the kind of person who hates to cause anybody grief. Might this be holding her back from telling me that our relationship should change, or even stop altogether? :(
Most Helpful Girl
It's hard, I don't know too much about long term relationships but it seems like you guys have hit a wall. Either you discuss the problems you're feeling and get past it and become closer or you decide that the relationship has just gone it's course. I really think you just need to talk to her and tell her how you're feeling, you've been together a year so a conversation like that shouldn't scare her or anything.1