Is guy friendship real? Girls only.

What I mean is, when us girls have those close 'guy' friends...who aren't gay but straight. Have they become our close guy friends because we get on, or..do they become close guy friends because we secretly like them, just no we can't have them so keep them as friends as not to lose them all together?...girls I'd like your opinion on the subject...oh and I am not saying that this is the case, I'd just like peoples opinions.

Updates:
In this question I am just trying to see if any one does have alteriour motives. I know guys and girls can be friends without any hanky panky going on...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • i am not sure if I understand your question correctly, but here goes... I do not like it when I'm friends with a guy and then I feel like he starts liking me as more than a friend. it makes me uncomfortable because I do not enjoy hurting people. so I will usually cut off the relationship because it gets to be too weird. on the opposite side, if I like a guy who just sees me as a friend, then I might hang onto the friendship just in case he changes his mind. it kinda depends on the guy.

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    • I like your honesty.

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    • Or maybe she hugs on her guy friend to make her own love interest jealous.

    • To be honest, it's WAY more likely that, if a girl likes her guy friend, things could change and they could have a relationship. Versus a guy liking a girl friend. That rarely if ever turns out well

What Guys Said 8

  • I know you said girls, but...

    I've only ever seen people start to crush on or date people who they were "friends" with first.

    About 90% of my "crushes" and dates were friends first. The only Crushes I've had on non-friends faded a lot faster, because nothing really ever happened. I flirted and talked to them and such, but no numbers were exchanged or anything like that.

    I have female friends who I think are attractive, but because of age differences or their being unavailable I don't have feelings for them as more then friends.

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  • If the girl is attractive, her guy 'friends' all want to bang her. For instance, I have an extremely attractive cousin (beautiful, genius, cool, very wealthy family, etc) who has a lot of 'guy friends' that all claim to just be a really close group and they all love each other like brothers/sisters. Well, I hung out with them last summer and it became completely clear that all of these guys totally had crushes on her and wanted her like crazy. But my cousin seems to consider them close friends although she probably knows, for the most part, that they'd all jump into bed with her in a second. But, she still hangs out with them all the time.

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    • Dude, I thought you were headed in a totally awkward direction with the "hot cousin" thing. Thank god you weren't! Ha!

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    • Oh I would say for most guys.

    • pezzonovante88, thank you for your honesty and I LOVE your answers!

      If you have time, please answer my question, I'd really appreciate that.

  • Most likely they're crazy about you and too shy or insecure to admit it, and at the very least they're sexually attracted to you.

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  • 'Hankey pankey' is imense beyond all measure! How f***ing dare you speak badly of it!

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  • As far as guys being friends with girls, ever heard of the ladder theory of attraction? No guy will actually be friends with a girl unless on some level he is attracted to her.

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  • i started out as friends with this girl but now all I want to do is take her on a date

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  • I know you wanted girls opinions but I had to say something. It's possible for a st8 guy and girl to be friends if their is zero psychical attraction between them both. I have one girl that I've partied/shared beds with for many years (I'm st8 and so is she). She's not ugly, but I've never felt a inkling of attraction.

    There are 2 other girls who I started out dating, but became friends with later. I was fine with this because the NEVER took advantage of me financially. We went out on dates, but they split the bill and paid their fair share. Friend zone is okay in these situations. But I admit I still feel somewhat attracted to these girls and I get jealous when they bring up their romance/situations with other guys. But admitingly, that's my problem.

    Then there is most heinous crime of friend zoning a guy after he spent lots of money, got sexual and invested a lot of time/attention on you. This has happened to me several times in the past. It is the absolute worst thing that can happen to a guy. He gets his hopes up, he spends money, sometimes gets psychical (but doesn't get come to all out sex), gives lots of attention and is "lead on" only to be friend zone later because "he's too nice". In this scenario, the last thing the guy wants to be is a "friend".

    So paragraph 1 is the only scenario you can be true friends. Can't be any physical attraction...at all.

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  • Most guys have no shame, and they're just waiting for their turn. So in general no, if your ex is staying friends with you it's because he's hoping he might be able to f*** you one more time if your current squeeze pisses you off enough.

    Don't underestimate what most men will go through for sex. Guys are dogs, but if a girl is hot enough men will wait around for the proper chance to strike and try to get with the girl.

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What Girls Said 19

  • Most guy friends back then were just guy friends with the exception of one. I found him attractive in high school, but he was older than me so he didn't notice me. We met up when we both went to the same college. We talked online, and eventually led to phone calls. He started to take me to his church, and talk to me about his girl probs and vice versa, which officially made it a friendship. We became each others' shoulder. One night after a phone convo, I started to feel something for him. Mind you, we were friends for a year and change. I ignored it because I wanted his friendship more than anything. He used to bring his friend along to our hang outs, and then I found out he tried to hook me up with him...very uncomfortable. Still, we hung out. He would ask me to go to the movies when he went on a date, and I was with his friend. It was fun, but I began to feel jealous. I hated it. I began talking to other guys and partying with my girlfriends so we eventually drifted apart. He then had a girlfriend, and I had a boyfriend. We would text each other once in a blue. I would ask to double date, but he would ignore those text messages. I think he split from her because he asked to hang out last year. I had a boyfriend at that time, but his presence felt nice. That was the last time I saw him because he tried to hang out late at night in the park noneless, and I said, no, it's late and I'm not going to a damn park. When he said, it was to kill time before seeing a friend, I felt used. That friendship was over :-\

    There was another guy I met 4 years ago. This year, I told him I wanted to hang out but he kept ditching me. Then I told him I just want friends, and he was like OK. We hung out...once, but then it was awkward when he would flirt through text because it seemed like he was playing games. He ditched me the last time we were supposed to meet. That was the last straw.

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  • my fiend that is also a girl asked me the same question . I thought that you can be freidns with a guy and just friends and not have feelings for him btu I honestly can say that it won't be that way you'll end up having feelings for him at one time or another becuase of my guys friends I ahve liked them at one point or another and my close guy friend I have been in love with him on and off and so on right now for years we have known each other since birth nd then I was like wai tmy friend I'm close with him and I havevtn developed feelings for him and I was like so yeah maybe you can be friends with a lose guy and just be friends and not develop feelings for that person but then my friend that asked em the question was like yeah there s a reason for that and I'm like what and she was like he's gay and I was liek ohh so yeah I thnk fi you have a close aguy friends at one poitnor another you will have feelings for that person and want to be mroe than jsut friends but I don't want to risk our freidnship and I asked iquestion about what I should do under dating go respond especially beacuse ised all 3000 charcters of space on the question and only have 1796 charatcers left on this answer

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  • Yeah, we can totally have real friendships with guys. I have plenty of guy friends that I love to death but would never date. Girls don't always secretly have the hots for every single guy they're friends with.

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    • I am not suggesting for one minute that every girl has secretly got the hots for there guy friend/s I am just curious to find out, if some girls keep guy friends because they have the hots for them, and keep them close because they will be close to this guy. I haven't assumed anything, just querying. I have guy friends who I like because they are my mates and yet wouldn't date...but not everyone is the same are they..

  • I think it is. I think it's hard for so man people because these days it's so hard for girls to keep their legs closed and not be super emotional without getting attached. Also guys, with penises lol, they often will be physically attracted to the girl and from there, it's a romantic pursuit, in their minds. So it' rare, but possible.

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  • I have guy friends. Idk...I'm a tom boy. I don't think it's as difficult for me to stay friends with a guy than other girls.

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  • yeah I think it's definitely possible. I have a lot of guy friends that I don't like but a majority or them like me...

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  • I used to have a crush on all my guy friends (I hung out with boys to avoid all the twilight mania), and then I realized that they were my friends, regardless of whether they were guys or not. If you are really friends, you can see someone for their personality and not the fact that they are a potential boyfriend.

    ps. soz I no this is kinda late :)

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  • I have close guys friends that I have no interest in dating what so ever, but I question them as to them liking me more than friends sometimes...which makes me very uncomfortable!

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  • in my opinion, it is because we secretely like them. thanks.

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  • Guys are never friends with girls.I think that most guys find girl friends attractive at some point in the friendship.

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  • I choose guy friends on the basis of common interests, but some of them may think smth else

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    • i wonder why.

    • Yeah and of course, in any friends whether guy or girl, we hopefully pick people we have something in common with...but, I'm not saying its a bad thing to do...but I'm trying to see if some girls or guys even..stay close to people they have the hots for, because it means they are close and prehaps, might change their minds...its not something I do, I'm just curious if it happens.

  • I think so! I have several that I've got absolutely no interest in.

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  • yeah,

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  • Guys only become friends with girls to try to get in her pants.

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  • I am of the belief that guys are only "friends" with girls they are attracted to. Now, this does not mean they will act on it, nor does it mean they see you as a possible girlfriend. Sadly, some of these deals are just about a physical attraction and your "friend" can then leave you in the dirt after you have had sex.

    I have a cousin who has a boyfriend but she also has male friends. She is savvy and she knows they have an attraction to her but she also puts them on notice and makes it clear she is a friend and friend only and they can keep their little fantasies to themselves, lol. She is a very blunt, assertive woman. Most girls are probably a bit naive around all of this and would be caught off guard by your guy "friend" suddenly showing interest in you. I would be irritated. I don't want a friend to make me feel uncomfortable by asking me out and having to tell him I am not in to him that way.

    I do think there are ulterior motives though the guy or girl may not realize that initially.

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  • I think it depends entirely on the friendship. Sometimes, you can start out liking a person a lot,then get over it (because they don't return your feelings or you realize they're not your type) and still be left with a really great friendship. And sometimes, you can start out being friends for completely platonic reasons and, through getting to know each other, one or both of you develops deeper feelings. Also, sometimes you just become friends with someone because they're a great person and you never develop feelings for them. I've experienced all three (with different guy friends) and while it can be awkward if one person develops unrequited feelings, it can also be pretty awesome to date your best friend or to have a really great platonic guy friend. I've never lost a guy friend over romantic feelings- I value their friendship too much to give it up.

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  • i think that to a certain degree, there's always going to be a level of attraction between friends of opposite sexes, simply because if we weren't attracted to them then we wouldn't want to be spending a lot of time around them, they would be annoying, etc. and when I say a level of attraction I mean the obvious emotional/intellectual attraction but also the physical attraction. we don't like hanging around with people who are unattrative or who don't mesh with our personalities. that said, I think that my close guy friends are people that I get along with really well, and could potentially have something physical with, but who are also too much like me for me to want to be anything with them. I see too many of my persnal flaws reflected in them and so I avoid the actually relationship that could form. keep in mind, that doesn't mean I don't have a crush on them. it just means that the crush I have isn't worth pursuing or trying to make into something bigger.

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  • One of my best friends is a straight guy, who's dating one of my best friends who is a girl. I've been friends with him since we were in kindergarten. We don't secretly love each other. Just best friends forever:]

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  • I have had guy friends who like me but I dont' like them back so its better they keep me as a friend then lose me all together. I talked to them about the guys that I'm dating and such.

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    • I wouldn't want to be friends with a girl I liked and she didn't like me back. just saying.

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    • Xia90, I'm sorry but I don't understand why you wouldn't want to have her around. Would you please elaborate?

    • QA, why does it have to be either way? if they've been friends for a decade and now he confesses to her. she found out he secretly liked her 2 years ago. could she (or you) really just "unfriend" him that night and never talk to him again? if yes you're merely using them, NOT a real friend.

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