Boyfriend broke up with me but still texts me everyday?

We've only been together for a week, he told me he cheated on his ex before but he is not like that anymore (explained to me why he told me that so that if later I found out how he was before I would think he had been lying to me). He said he is serious wanting to be with me...I have some trust issues so I'm sensitive to things, he got tired of it and said we should be friends again for now until I know him better as a person then we could start again then. I don't know if he really meant what he said or he is just letting me off easily...since we broke up I thought I wasn't going to hear from him but everyday I'll get a text from him about an hr into my work day, he'll ask me how's work, how I'm doing, if work is busy, where I'm going for lunch, etc. then in between him going to work and I'm getting off work we don't really talk but then later after a few hrs he'll text me again what I'm doing, if I'm home yet...I don't reply him right away maybe about 10-20min later..and I try to keep it as short as possible not asking him anything. I'm not sure if I should be even replying him? I'm afraid if I don't reply him a few days he's going to back off and not talk to me at all and think I don't care about him anymore..I'm so clueless what to do, I've been working so hard to not be needy and desperate because I want to be with him. He's been the one initiating the contact for now by text only though..late at night the texting doesn't continue, then I go to work and same thing all over; that's how the day repeats; so guys and gals what's the deal? Should I just keep replying his texts or ignore them or what? I don't want to play games, definitely not sure if he is playing any games. Do you think he really wants me to know how he is as a person, so that I can trust him then we can start the relationship over?


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What Guys Said 1

  • When most nice guys back off from a relationship like that, they're trying to put you in a position where you can call the shots so you feel comfortable. If he's texting you about once a day, he's probably trying to make sure he stays in your mind. If all of this is the case, you've got two options: 1.) answer his texts less and less and he'll get the hint and fade away, or 2.) escalate and invite him to something that friends do. If you do this it'll show you're interested in the friend thing. Food tends to be good for this and low-pressure as long as it's not dinner or at one of your houses. Brunch, lunch, munchies, as long as you guys are eating and talking then it's probably progress. It's obvious, though, by him backing away that if you want to have a relationship, you'll have to make some of the moves towards it.

    At this point if you want to escalate further, find common interests. "You like foo band? I like foo band too. They're playing next week and I'm going with some friends. Want to come?" Your whole "I'm going to what 10-20 minutes to respond" thing is just you playing games. Stop it.

    Now this is all assuming he's a nice guy. If he's a douchebag, then it's a whole different story. Douchebags use the back off approach to get the same response as nice guys, but in order to build a sense of false trust. It won't take long for that sense of trust to be abused. Douchebags will often have several of these relationships cultivating at once.

    I can't tell you which one he is: nice guy or douchebag. I'm leaning slightly on the douchebag side because of his past, but you really have to ask yourself: is there anything that sounded weird? Anything that didn't quite add up? If you feel he's not on the level, then pass.

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    • Honestly I felt him sincere to me, but we've been tgether 1wk its not enough to sum up. I was uneasy when he told me he cheated on his ex, I was thinking maybe its one of his strategies to make me trust him..I really don't know..he's met my parents & was worried about their impression of him. I wait to text him bcause I didn't want to seem needy/desperate...Overall I didn't really get any bad vibes, feels like he's taking steps with me wanting things to go right I think its mainly my trust issues

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