Would you ever date or "be with" someone because you feel you owe them?

I have good friend who works in emergency services, and he told me something interesting yesterday. he met a girl on the job, and he kind of liked her but he didn't say anything because he kept reminding himself about "the rule". the rule is basically "do not date anyone you've directly helped or saved". he explained that after a person has been saved from a traumatic experience they have the natural tendency to grab hold of the people near them both mentally and physically, Normally this is the person who helped them.

this feeling has a life span though and is usually replaced with the feeling of being in debt to the other person. so it happens that if they start seeing each other eventually the "debt" will be "re-payed" and they'll leave or more problems will ensue. the first connection or reason why they started dating will fade and then so will the rest.

so I was wondering how true this is, if you wouldn't normally go out with the person (not your type, ect) would you start a relationship with them if you felt like you owed them? if they saved your life? share your thoughts.

Updates:
if you where the the one that saved someone else would you follow "the rule"?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • To every rule there is an "exception". Its not all the time but sometimes. I have no experience in this but I do know to any rule there is a small loop hole.

    I do know that if I saved someone's life and I liked them. We had stuff in common and they were the kind of guy I went for or was attracted to, I would date them. I mean, you never know. But I don't save ppl's lives on a regular basis. And can't really say that I would bend the rule or not. Your friend sounds like he's been in that situation before.

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    • I'm not sure it's happened to him before, neither one of us like to talk about ex's good or bad, however I do think it's happened to others in the dept because it seems to be an unwritten rule they all know about, and keep to 90% of the time.

What Girls Said 4

  • would you start a relationship with them if you felt like you owed them?

    yes and I've seen it happen plenty plenty plenty of times

    if you where the the one that saved someone else would you follow "the rule"?

    yes

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    • I think I've seen it happen before too, but doesn't it normally lead to a bad end?

  • Well it's tough to answer this question if you've never actually been in that situation. I'd be very grateful to the person who saved me, but I don't think it would make me feel anything toward them romantically... I'm very picky and I just can't imagine myself falling for someone that way. I would however probably want to do something nice for them.

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  • if I were the person saved I would be gratefull but I wouldn't go out with with them unless I really did like him

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  • You may develop feelings for them because they saved you. That's what happened to me.

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    • happened? sorry to be nosey but you seem to be one of the few here with experience in this. may I ask if the relationship went well.

    • No it ended, because he 'saved' me and then I did feel like I owed him but he didn't want anything to do with me after that. Actually, it fell apart- it was really sad, because I was in love with him and I felt he was my first love.

    • We actually dated and were boyfriend and girlfriend for a month though.

What Guys Said 2

  • it's called the Nightingale effect and it is very real. I have never had it but I have had a time were I felt like I owed a girl something and I had a feeling that she had a thing for me. in the end I decided to pay her back another way because a pity date is not service.

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  • I would not, if I saved someboy then I would adhere to the rules because they were forced by people who have seen these situations before.

    If somebody wanted to date me who I saved I would understand where they are comming from and avoid them.

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