I don't attract my ideal girl?

I'll start out with my back story. I'm 19, 6'2", 190 lbs, white, green eyes, brown hair,got a job, got my own place and I work out 4 times a week and a virgin. I'm very shy and hate to be the center of attention, I like to watch anime,play RPG games when I have time, I don't drink or smoke and I like to go to the clubs with my friends. I hate all music except Gucci Mane, I don't even like the other guys in his group.

My perfect girl is a dark hair, curvy like 130-140 lbs, under 5' 6", pretty face, smart, not annoying, semi needy and I don't care if they are a virgin or not.

The thing is I attract the opposite of my ideal girl, I don't want to settle as I'm a guy who wants a long term relationship. I always get the girl who wants to make out and have a sexual relationship, I'm not into that. Yes, I do want to have sex but not with someone I just met I want to wait and make sure it's someone I really like, my friends call me a bitch for not getting with the girls. It doesn't bother me as I've always been able to not be sucked into peer pressure as I grew up around drugs and alcohol and I never been drunk or high and 99% of my friends do one or the other or both.

I do talk to girls but I seem to always miss when I go up and talk to the ideal girl I see, but they never seem to want to talk to me first, instead I get the girl that I mentioned earlier that starts the conversation.

I guess I'm into the conservative type of girl and I would like your opinion if you are this type. I don't come off as a conservative guy because I hang out with the drug dealers and listen to Trap music, is this the reason I strike out with this type of girl?

I would like to add, I'm not one of those white kids trying to act gangsta that wears a 5x white t, I dress in jeans and a shirt that actually fits lol.

Updates:
No idea why this is in this category lol, I meant to put this in dating, any ideas how to change it?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think the suggestions that you get a new group of friends are ridiculous - that is completely unfair. I grew up in a poorer neighbourhood and made lots of friends that people would consider a little shady, but they are good people. If someone is going to judge you on who your friends are, that's just unreasonable.

    I'd say the problem is where you are looking. Most girls at clubs aren't looking for relationships. I think if you see a girl you like just around (malls, cafes, train, etc) you should approach her.

    I don't know if I'm "conservative", but I don't do drugs, etc or "hook up", etc (though I don't fit your physical list).. But I actually can't really see what's wrong? Maybe it's just the girls you approach aren't the right 'fit'. Maybe it's just that you are young and the girls aren't looking for anything serious.. It's not a HUGE issue though, you still have plenty of time to find your ideal girl - patience.

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    • When I approach these girls it's never at the clubs, it's mainly when I'm hanging downtown or I'm at the mall. When I talk to them they seem like they don't want to talk or if they seem like it and I give them my number they never call.

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    • I appreciate your answers a lot :)

    • You're welcome :)

What Girls Said 3

  • is this the reason I strike out with this type of girl?

    yes it is

    druggie dude or guy with druggie dude friends is usually not boyfriend material for conservative girls

    under 5'6'' but 130 - 140lbs is curvy?

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  • you attract what you hang out with. that's sad but true.

    it's also true that you attract who you are.

    since you say that you aren't like your friends, maybe your friends are putting up the persona that you are the same as them and the good girls, the one's you want to attract, aren't into that and so they steer clear of you.

    not my place to say this, but maybe you should reconsider who your friends are? but again that's not for me to decide.

    i think it's great that you are a virgin and waiting on the right person!

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    • I've known my group of friends for over a decade so dumping them isn't really a choice. They know how I am and when they are getting high they don't ever ask they just keep passing because after 8 years of saying no they get the point lol. I always tell them if they are holding to either leave it or put it under their nuts and they give me sh*t but I give it back like saying I'm not the one who is going to be getting boned in prison =p.

  • it could be because of the people you hang around. a lot of the time, people are going to judge you by the people you hang out with because it's believed that "birds of the same feather flock together" so if you're not said drug dealer then don't be around them.

    uh maybe you need to branch out with your music too because I don't really know any girls who like trap music but that's just who I've met and all. there could be some, go to concerts and stuff.

    i'm a conservative girl too and you don't sound bad or anything but if I saw you with the people you describe, I probably wouldn't be interested unless I got to know you one on one and decided you were a cool guy.

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    • It's kinda of hard to drop my friends, these are the same group of kids I grew up with most of us have been good friends ever since we were under 10. I live in New york next to a reservation where a lot of human smuggling and drug smuggling across the Canadian border goes on and it's a very easy way to make money. Once most of us hit 16 and got our licenses they started doing this because of the money and they basically got hooked on it. I see the same guys I grew up with before the drug dealing

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    • Yeah, I do get that part. Say me and you were dating for a week or two and you said you wanted to meet my friends. Would the best way to do this is to first tell you how much different then them I am and warn you about them. I wouldn't be upset if the girl didn't like my friends as not many do outside of the drug world.

    • yeah of course I'd meet them. I'm not saying just because a person hangs out with a certain crowd means they're automatically bad people or whatever but that's the first impression you get of them, you know what I mean? like that's just how you judge people at first unfortunately.

What Guys Said 2

  • Well.. Ask yourself this then: what do I project to the outside world, that makes me so attractive to short term relationship folks, but not the long term relationship folks?

    Is it the way I dress? You may not look gangsta, but there are plenty of other styles that can give off vibes that say 'hmmm.. this might not be the best person to get into a ltr with'. Think the opposite of gangsta, for example, think of the stereotypical 'nice guy', or the stereotypical 'douche bag'.

    Is it the way I act when I haven't approached them yet? Do I act obnoxious when I'm with my friends? Do I act "TOO" happy? Do I look or act like I AM on drugs even though I'm not? Do I noticably stare them up before I go for them? Do my friends and I go 'daaaamn'?

    Is it the way I act when I approach? Do I come off too stong? How do I approach? Do I approach with too much of a sexual vibe? Do I approach with too much of a "pushing" or "forcing" (not quite the right word, but whatever) vibe?

    Is it the people I hang out with? How do THEY dress and act?

    How DO other people see you? How DO other people feel when they see you? When you approach? If you can find out the answer to those questions, you'll get much further. Why not ask the people when they reject you?

    As for getting the girl you want. First of all, do you match externally at all? Are your clothing compatible? If you look at your ideal girl, is her clothing and your clothing of the same style (do you look like a surfer person whereas she looks like a business person, e.g.)? Is your general outward appearance the same (you've got a fake tan whereas she's all natural; she's quite down-to-earth when it comes to hairstyle whereas you spend fifteen minutes every day getting each individual spike in the right direction, e.g.)? First impressions are extremely important. So make sure these are matching and favorable.

    After that, how do these ideal girls of yours generally act? What ARE their interests? What ARE their general overarching characteristics? If you can match yourselves to these as well, then you have yourself another favourable impression. e.g. you seem to be quiet whereas she totally dominates the conversation.

    etc etc

    BUT! first things first. Ask people how you seemed to be, to them. Ask your friends whether the people you like would actually match with you. Ask girls what their first impressions were after they rejected you. Gnothi se auton, right? So get to know how you project yourself.

    Report back for debriefing after that ;p

    FWIW,

    Tim

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    • 1- I don't really know, I don't want to sound arrogant but I'm not ugly so I'm guessing the club girls just see that.

      2- I usually just dress in cocaine white shoes, jeans, a hoodie or a t-shirt.

      3- I do look at them for a bit before I go up, if they notice that does it probably freak them out a bit?

      4- When I approach I kinda come off as a "I don't really want to do this" because I'm shy

      5- The guys I hang out with are loud and rowdy and always talk about what type of kush they are smoking

    • 1. that's fine.. works to your advantage anyhow

      2. again, fine if it matches her style.. You don't typically see a business-esque person with a hoodie-person.

      3. As long as you don't MAKE it creepy, it should be fine. Also: a wave or a 'come here' should be fine. As long as you make the follow-up conversation fun and good.

      4. Well that's never good. Confidence confidence! You can have fun with girls can't you? ;p

      5. Hmm.. That might be problematic XD

    • Thanks for the answers man

  • I kinda feel your pain haha.

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    • I'm happy and sad for you lol=p, happy because there is someone that relates and sad because...well you can relate.

    • Are you ever meeting these girls away from your friends? So they don't know who you hang out around and stuff before you get to know them, or does that not matter? I know for me it doesn't matter, I will still attract the wrong type of girl anyways, and I never find out right away lol

    • I usually don't ever go out unless I'm with a friend or two, mainly just for groceries or to pay bills so most of the times I talk to them I do have a friend or two hanging around me.

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